Day #8 : Making Up for It

Day #8 of #60daysofpoetry. 4.17.18 Tuesday.

I am making up for it,
I am on the run for it.
I am feeling the it,
Running me in and through this.
I am waiting for you to call,
I am waiting for next fall,
Maybe it will happen then.
I am running backwards,
And I am running forwards.
I was searching,
I was looking,
I was running,
Again.
Find me here,
Making up for lost time.
Making up for the regret
It took to get us here.
I was never sure how
To take this,
If I should lie before I
Tell You the truth.
If you should show me,
If you should show me,
Is love your best kind of proof?
Are you the mystery, now?
Are You the mystery of the fountain?
Is it ready?
Or is it empty?
Cause I am drying up,
I am dying up,
I am on the looking up,
Not asking for the hook- up,
Asking for the grow up.
I’ve lost it,
Now I am asking for it,
I am making up for the lost time,
All the lost time that was not spent
With You.

Gotta Be

I have gotta be doing better, guys..I mean, with everything. Life has never been better but it could always be something even better? Do you do this? Do you do this thing where you struggle with patience.

Gary Vaynerchuk inspiration: ” Close your eyes until you are 29!” Well, thanks, but I am 32. Ok, seriously I love Gary Vee and that is not what he was talking about. His advice is one hundred percent true.

If you are reading this blog then you are on the journey with me. I feel like I don’t always define what I mean but the more that I have been on this thing the more raw and real I have wanted to become. I feel like I am, but it is also the internet so you should’t tell people what you struggle with. Someone might use it against you someday.

I don’t like the idea of waste. I gotta be honest.

I don’t like the idea of coming to the end of life and saying, ” I wish I wouldn’t have wasted so much time!” Or, so much money!

Or this or that.

The harsher word is regret, yet both seem connected.

I gotta be honest. I don’t think I am always honest. I think I tell myself that I have always felt like I am being to hard on myself or the fact that I think I am means I am really in a good place for even wanting to do better. At least I am one of those people that cares.

I was in Downtown L.A. this week for work. And I listened to Fast Car remix on the way home. One of these days I will probably make a video to Fast Car by Tracy Chapman, and Gun Song by the Lumineers.

I gotta be sitting here in Starbucks instead of playing hockey thinking I never have enough time to create the things I want to.

IMG_20180410_104700.jpg

If you read Making Ideas Happen by Scott Belsky you will realize you mostly think yourself into a mess and never get yourself out of the mess.

An idea is one percent of it says Clint Berry.

Clint is a great inspiration and friend to me. And those close to me might never ever know what I am thinking. But I am always thinking, and just thinking feels like its gotta be a problem.

Life without action is..well..it could be a lot of things but it becomes close to nothing.

Thinking is a gift but making something happen that is a service.

The only book I read in 2017 was Linchpin by Seth Godin. I bought 5 copies for our office. I got everyone hooked on that book because ALL OF IT IS TRUTH.

Art is a gift. The irony here is that I am blogging about stuff I am wrestling with telling myself that I struggle with not wanting to waste time and yet you are reading this.

I am glad I wrote this.

Its gotta be late and time for bed.

And that’s gotta be a hard one for me. Trying to rest.

 

#7 Approval

4.10.18- 60 days continues..
Digging for some approval,
For some arrival.
Can you just sit here with me?
Can you just be better than now,
Or just the same somehow.
I know I had to know,
Or maybe I never did.
I am sorry I let you down,
But I am not hanging on anymore.
I see the people walk around me,
Never not so sure are they.
Never not so sure will they be.
Seeking the approval aren’t they?
We had the beach,
We had the reach,
You had the teach,
You had the breach.
Now we and you aren’t
In the same,
The same as always,
The same as never can be.
I need Your approval,
If you could show me.
I need You here with me,
I need something different
Then I used to get,
Cause you were never
To good at paying rent.
I need the arrival,
From this approval soon
To be,
I need this now,
More than ever before.

#6 Saturday

4.7.18

Is it now,
Should it be?
Is this the way,
The way to the emptiest of
Place.
The beginning of escape.
I am tormented by You,
By all I could do?
I did delete that app
Today,
The one with the dreams,
And the getaway.
It seemed covered
In love, and something
Great,
But I can’t rhyme,
Not today.
It is something to hate.
How you lie so easily.
How I spend all my money
On you.
On the thirst that comes
From finding you.
I went to worship,
This orange place
Had some space,
All was fair with
No kind of war.
But,
Will I stay?
Or would I
Walk away?
Still on for the
Take,
And the taking
That comes from
You.
I am lost, now.
Lost in my own sense
Of dream.
Do I need more?
Or do I need the
Less?
I wonder,
I wonder the fountain.
Will I drink, too?
Or will I be the same
Kind of man,
The same as You.

#5 Photos

#60daysofpoetry
God knows your photos,
Why you take them down,
And why you keep them up.
Is ready,
Ready for the grown up?
Cause I can’t picture you
Anymore,
I can’t,
Its a chore.
I asked for more,
For hunger.
For the work
that goes with the labor.
I wondered now,
Are you the living thing,
Or the only thing?
Are you in secret
All this time,
Or are You the One,
The one I can find.
Look, I want to say yes.
But I can’t say no.
So easily are you here.
But, I need you,
I need you to disappear.
This isn’t easy,
But it isn’t that hard.
I got bad luck,
I got the boulevard.
I walked it,
I used it,
No, I used to bus it.
Down this road,
In this college,
Sitting now by the
Next big memory to
Make.
I won’t call back,
Or leave you a note.
But I will tell you
Truly,
I will miss the float.
The high,
The relax,
The bad tax
That came,
Cause all I did,
Was give you
My name.
I gave it away,
No, you did to,
It was a spin,
It was a sin,
It was everything I said
I will never do
Again.
I wonder now,
Will you cross to,
Over to blue?
Instead of gray,
Instead of black,
Instead of lack?
I draw near,
I draw further from You.