Saga/ West/ Wild

Saga….

Crave adventure, don’t you?

Moved away, didn’t you?

Palo Alto, is that so?

Left in the snow, is that truth?

Are you cold, are you solo,

Are you a no go?

Dear, someone,

Is what I needed to say,

Are you the one that got away,

Are you the saga we were starting,

And the steady sound of beginning.

Am I hidden, hidden in Christ, with words

You call thrice,

And three days it took for You to raise up!

Crave adventure..

I thought so..

Left for Palo Alto,

Now I really know.

You were the one on the long list,

The long list of those I met in the West.

It was here, it was wind, it was like you

Were blown away from the end.

Crave tomorrow…

Yes, I thought so, how did you know?

This had to be wild or not true,

Because now you got a mountain view,

And lions to catch and chase, and sun that you won’t miss…

I blow you a kiss,

And keep it on that beach,

Where you were in some reach,

And far from the breach.

It was wild, it was the west that you won,

And north is fun and further from the truth.

You need this saga as proof.

Are in the middle of a longer story,

Or are you the one that ends with it here?

There is trembling, there is fear, this is something

Waiting for next time…

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DISconnect

Why is your world so full of empty connections? Or, none whatsoever.  If I lead off this thought assuming no one is connecting with you most would read and agree, then possibly stop reading because what’s so new about that thought? Is this a day before Valentine’s Day post? No, it isn’t.

Full and wholesome talk that starts with and ends with being human. The longer life continues the less and less you care about what you call ‘ petty’ things, and the more you crave real relationship and connection with people. I have had this obsession at the beginning of each year to finish all the books that I started reading the year before. I have had this goal at the start of the year for the past 10 years( at least), and now I have a long list of books that have gone unfinished. I have a pile of unread books, and a larger pile of guilt that sounds like regret for not finishing things I start.

However, when I get down and think about it I discover something I have known for a while..what is more important..the goal itself or the actual information you take with you into the next thing.

I connect with books. I connect with a level of knowledge but it fades away. I don’t repeat lessons learned when I read Wild At Heart in 2004. I find myself trying to remember current books and information.

Is this about books, or about something else? Life is full of unread books and unfinished goals. It is also full of shallow relationships of disconnect. Yet, year after year it piles up. Who knows you( is that a long list), and who doesn’t( a pile of unfinished books).

It can’t all be about everyone knowing you just like it can’t all be about finishing every book you pick up, but finishing something and sticking with it can be the most helpful way to stay healthy.

This is not a sad post on what Valentine’s Day should be about. Really, that is for tomorrow if I decide to write something on love, or the lack thereof. This life is meant for a connection. Raw and real and time to heal, but don’t let it pile up. Don’t let your disconnect pile up. Books can be thrown away and burned and bought again. Books are movies made now like Farenheit 411( and you still get the message) knowledge is power and so is freedom. People are not a pile to hide in the corner, people are asking for some real love, and a real connection.

Flow with me here..is this the start of a lot of thoughts?

I, too, am Saturday

Part 2. #SeriesPoetry

I am here to focus,
I am here to live.
I got caught in your rain,
We had that talk,
In one Accord,
Black and dented like
The one we rented,
All of life has been on hold,
On credit, on charge,
On still stuck in your rut.
I am here to focus,
I am the onus,
The one in control,
Not of you, but of me.
I celebrate,
I celebrate recovery.
That was once a Friday night thing,
A dull sound of trying to sing,
Free coffee and dessert for those
That could stay,
Now, I am here,
I am Saturday,
I am drifting,
I am drifting away.

I, Too * 12 Hours Later..

January 30th from 12pm to 12am. 12 hours of reflection.
Building something,
Something from the start of today,
Waking up and running as fast as I can,
3 miles and counting.
Calling mom on updates and
Such, asking for revelation,
Then it comes to me,
All the great things came in the
Waiting, in the stillness, in the
Wilderness, in the suffering,
In the greatness of what we have
Been looking for all along.
Yes, I too, have suffered,
And suffered recently.
Been up all night wondering
About the fight and the fists and
The things that are called future.
Yet, this is the invitation,
I am not sold or solid,
Not shaken either,
But moved around and tossed
To and fro,
Asking You: how does one grow?
He says wait for the lights and ask
Not for the blinders,
My eyes did wander
And look a little to long,
Starbucks, again, I thought
You were over that flavor,
But to the corner of that place
Was someone standing out of place.
The looked as if they have been to
The blue car before,
They asked for more,
Yes, I too give in to seduction.
I ran away and walked along the way,
I filmed and captured my self by the
Sea and the tilt of the lights that spin
Before night,
I, too, lose the dusk,
So fast and quick it does go..
I drove and drove and yet those
City lights were on my left and
You voice was the loudest of them
All,
Are we talking the same,
Are you the same?
Are we the same struggle?
Home came late and so did that text,
It invited me in and crunched the numbers,
Too,
This will cost just like the last time, and
The tenth time before that.
I want love and the last long,
And the love that lasts long,
But, I, too want the bed you made,
And the mess you make,
And the mistake that came with
Saying go instead of no!
I, too, am up late,
Because the day torments me too,
It calls me too, it calls for change,
A serious rearrange.
A serious move everything around kind
Of winter,
One, where, I, too am cold and hardened
By the wind,
And by the sound that calls me
In..
Hollow,
Silence.

The Change

We write our New Year’s resolutions but we had them all along. Each year is progress…

I got a long list rolling around in the back of my mind,
Pulled up to the front,
Burning in a rut,
Stuck on some structure you never gave,
And a new life,
I have to cave,
And go back,
Again,
To hyped up nights on the edge,
To find some lights to follow,
While the dark could swallow.
3 years later, we are still at it,
I mean a longer list that you have made,
At the top was the love that we lost,
And the hype around this thing called
Forever,
I got stuck,
Stuck in different beds
In different nights,
In the same kind of fight.
All I’ve known is the road,
And tires,
And mysteries,
And darkness,
And hotels with no
Windows,
And all the while I was
Caved in..
Not better,
Not worse,
Not the same,
Not the blame.
But now I am different,
Now I am shallow,
Now I am out of the hallow
They name,
And into something else
You claim..
I am into not being the same,
And forever change.
I got a longer list rolling around in my
Mind,
A longer list of all the things that I need
To change.

Wed..

To wed,

To Wendsday,

To today,

This isn’t a new year without Your

Resolution.

I am not certain I have built something

You would like.

I am not certain these thoughts have been

All about You.

I am certain that the years past have not

Been all about You.

If I was to lock it in

Like one would do at a wedding,

I would have to say I can’t, not today, not now.

All this commitment floating around me,

All this free wedding photography.

Yes, I too, have captured your moments for you.

I, too, said I would and I said I would do it for free.

I am not certain I would do that again,

Film and shoot and shout it out,

Tell your story, and do it for free?

I am not certain I am ready for free,

Or even ready to charge you a fee.

I am only certain I want to something

Else,

Something of a wed, on a Wednesday,

These are uncertain thoughts.

Happy 2019!