The Perfect Conditions(older poem)

I was thinking about this piece cause I wrote this 2 years ago but its from a Christmas party that I had back in 2009 when I had lived with my mom and worked for Trader Joes for a year and a half. I have been thinking about how lonely we can feel amidst ‘conditions’ around us causing us to not want to experience isolation. I like this, a lot.

The Perfect Conditions

Single man, looking for a place to lay my head
And there is was on Christmas eve instead,
Rewind it was two weeks earlier, me and her,
Chattered and battered pancakes together and gone
With the Orange weather, some marine layer and another
Layer of her soul went out like windowpanes opening for the light
She had me might or maybe it changed so quickly then suddenly the
Party came, the music switched and all got hitched, he hit the lights on
The couch, passed out loud now, Lost and the office playing in repetition
Behind all my intuition, he got the dirty bottles and pressed full throttle, I still
Feel alone, this place was packed, of course mom was gone and that always
Brought more separation, but as I cleaned with violent hesitation I saw that no
Matter how many souls existed in my apartment I would still be a man searching
For purpose, the glass broke more on the floor, she left and never came back,
The phone, well that never rings, who wants to hear my west coast dreaming
Anyway, and there I was in dismay over the silent array, grabbing on the edge of
The fray tying to make new memories, is it the salt water I see, her name still carved
out in the sand beneath me, for there it was, 20 more gone, 20 more long
Gone to never say thank you again, there I was with the perfect conditions for
Feeling accepted, and should I inkjet this story, the jetway opened up to me,
As I packed for the east, I saw the yiest in front of me, I poked at my own cavity
And checked modern gravity, is this me, still 3 years strong on Klonapin, the anti
Anxiety days o when will those ones end, does anyone got the medicine at 3am
When I was sure I was sleeping with all the lights on and I had reached modern
Security and it was just me and my propriety, no girl this is stolen property, give
Me something to say in this world of comfort on display they left out the door,
They left all the more, trying and hogging all my orange county speculation,
Taking Lexus and BMW to get away, stealing all the salt to keep me floating
In sweet, sincere desperation, the Christmas party had all the perfect conditions
For me to not feel so isolated and up against the wall but how great is the fall
That catches me offguard, to run into his arms when all are gone and I’m staring
At the ceiling always unsure of what I am feeling

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