Pocket Drugs

Older reflection. Trying to reflect on medicine in our culture.
Pocket Drugs

This is from school and study and a conversation.
Chemically dependent
Interiorly resilient,
Culture of escape creating much
Hate—all I want is to not be me, for rarely
Do I feel I succeed, cause since age three I can
Barely read, but beauty is inside me somehow and pride
Before the fall is ruling me now—cause all the different drugs
The ones that lift me out from underneath me they have been
Slipping recently, tasting defeat and repeating the smoke circles
Created by me, for movies they appeal so little but take up my time
Not so little, media airwaves of love and stuff fill my mind and start
To corrupt because the electra effect has me now in constant suspect
Sister and mother where are you now, are you like that girl always and
Somehow but gypsy necklaces and brown eyes keep me up late, staring at
The sky and lately I have been longing to not be alone in the midst of my home for basement goes and basement goes and trapped, locked and four walls around remind me slowly that I might drown—but lies in this room keep coming loud do better or fail in this test somehow but is it me and my depravity that lately have I changed gravity and caused the Lord to bring severity because Judgment now is coming to me? For drugs and medicine they are in front of me in manilla envelopes from Doctor suddenly, hooked I’ve been on this current sin and hooked

I am going til death is in—see all the lies of this dependence have caused me to consider independence, for pride now is the new medicine because I am lying to myself and still I am living—beating fast ever before me is the Lord ever before me now all I have is weakness to give and to the drain these pills go down because I have touched you somehow, bright green eyes are in the shadows
And who I am is in the meadows, walking brightly looking for love and always
Now for attention because Lord I cannot go on living for myself with pills at night drowning sorrows and serotining me to death, for made up words they do exist because around you I am speechless, your majesty it does haunt me because soon I stand before thee, and you will ask what did I do with the thoughts you put in me and how did I resist those pills that caused thrills and killed me as well, for separation you hate that word but you must judge for sure, and if it be that you slip from me then all I will have is pills in my hand in front of you, so I take this escape and slide before you because death is to much to risk and eternity to long to accept the serenity of living for me and not for you, pills aside and medicine dead now I face you instead

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