Give Me Father

This is rather an intense reflection on parenting. I look back at how much I value what I went through as a kid because now I am faced with what I think God thinks of me. It is not our job to hold onto the pain of anything that would have made us feel rejected or unloved. It is God who does the healing and in the long run, we forgive earthly parents, fathers, and any other earthly relationship. This is really a miracle!

You spread your dissatisfaction
Over us, your sickness stuck with
The this that made us,
Escape from the now was a
Somehow, I searched for you, I
Searched for new, curtains you
Closed, lamp shades faded away,
Light was buried, you were your
Worst critic, I wish I had an attic
To hide in, a place to run away,
My friends are gone, that mile high
City is beneath me, sinking has been
Going on, deep is the harvest you
Reap, I fear adulthood for a child
I am most days, when sun rays fade,
When jokes go away, when those
Pretty girls walk away, when that
Bright hair twirl’s away
I am alone God, alone in the
Crowds, that form around me,
The form is passing away,
Now I am waiting God
Waiting for Father, to
Stay longer, he never had
It in him, and that is okay
And that’s ok, war torn
Lands exploded them
Grenades in Grenada,
Never made them quite the
Same, mom always had turbulence,
Had patience, could never still give
What father could—surrendered I
Was to the Lord, given to the sword
Prayed over
The deer panteth and
I raise it, little hand, little
Commitment, big appointment,
Needed the ointment of father
To sooth me over,
My hands stood up
Mom gave me away
Since the early days
Now I see, the way you
Look at me, God, parents
I honor for my life is still
Long, and full of wrong
And full of pain,

And dark days have
Lived with me, creation is
Cracked and can’t get to me,
My greatest enemy is fatherless
Dreams

Save me God, save me from earthly,
Earthly lessons, and the earth’s
Medicine, I need it now,
So I can sleep,
But I need it deep,
The deep knowledge
I can’t get in college
You are good, you are
Father, you are my together,
I release the earthly dreams
I had in my teens and the sanity
I wanted, now I have waited for
Will never come—give me acceptance,
Give me you God, or I have nowhere
Else to run to

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