I can’t believe how fast 2014 is already going. I feel like so much has been happening in my life this year that it feels like more time has gone by then probably has gone by.
The stories, this blog and so much of my influence in what I think and believe stems out of the past 10 years of Kansas City(nearly!) I have a nephew out here. My sister and her husband Scott have the cutest little boy, Noah. He is the best and I am so proud to be Uncle Jared! I was however, sort of, kind of, an uncle to my friends who have had kids but blood is thicker then water, and so is my love for Noah. He is flesh and blood and I can’t wait to teach him hockey someday.
This blog has really tracked the many seasons I have been in. I have never really deleted a lot of blog posts nor youtube videos and both of those have been billboards for my feelings and thoughts on the journey of knowing God more.
Since 2011 I have had a lot take place in my heart and some significant trials of life that have been processed(mostly) through poetry on this blog.
As you have been reading I want to share some ideas and thoughts that are stirring me right now.
Who we are related to Jesus is who we really are. I have learned Mathew 16 and I have discovered that I am like Peter. I am headstrong, insecure but sincere. There is nothing Peter does that God doesn’t know how to work with. Its hard to say what is more glorious in the epochs of history. The disciples that actually had face to face time with Christ and talked with Him. Or the time we are in now, where we are awaiting Christ to come again. Even if it is 50 years away I think I will still be alive, or close to it.
I like to think that Christ still wants my everything. 10 years of really digging deep have led me back to that question over and over. I have to ask myself if I am getting oil, if I am really praying, if I am really trying to lay down media, or facebook time, or anything that is getting in the way. But death to self is not just what it is about. It is also about what causes us to want to die. Love is the cure. Love is the answer that we are looking for. My love for God has increased 28 years now in life and some 20 years of church. I believe that love gets tested when we don’t feel God and that feeling we have of ‘not feeling’ that leads us to a place of deeper trust in Him because in, and to and through are all things. We all have to face darkness. The world is full of trouble and trial and perversion. Our insides cry out for truth, for righteousness and for God’s grace to comfort. But I refuse to settle and halfway do things.
Now is the time to engage. Now is the time to lay it down. Now is the time to learn how to love. Isn’t that what it is all about?(for the most part?) Paul was only able to write words describing love because he himself touched it and saw it. You could just count his one encounter on the road to Damascus that probably ruined him forever but I think Paul had light blind him multiple times and that is what led him to preach the Gospel and give himself as a ‘bondservant of God!’ He did say ‘woe is me if I do not preach the gospel( I Cor. 9) and is that what I am saying to myself? I want that same heart. I have to speak it, sing it and write it.
References to New heavens and a new earth come from this book called ‘A Case For Amillenialism!’ I have never read anything on the Millenium. I have only just believed in IHOP-KC’s theology of the literal 1,000 year reign of Christ. Reading other views does beg the question: is it less hope if their isn’t a 1,000 year reign? But it is also a stretch( I think) to symbolize it, or make it some existential reality in us right now.The Dominion-ISM and ‘changing the earth as Christians’ well that also doesn’t seem like truth either. I am in the wrestle place and I will be for a while. So, hopefully, more to come on that.
I do say more to come a lot on this blog and its mostly because whenever I sit down to write I have at least 5 different subjects going at the same time in my mind. Picking one and staying to that is hard for me. So, bear with me, more to come will happen.
Its a goal of mine to do more than just poetry. Poetry honestly doesn’t require much work for me. It really is as easy as keeping a journal but something I never want to stop doing. I love taking revelation I am getting and trying to explain it. What I want to do someday is share my story and resources on the struggles I have been through. I am in the process of working on that and am looking forward to sharing that with you.
Life is hard and I know we know that but expecting life in God to make it easier I think is worse than false doctrine. God desires that we embrace what is hard and embrace what is unseen. It all matters to God. Everything counts. We repent when we blow it and we go hard while we have the time to do it. Amen.