2 Year Anniversary Of Shoreline Awards

Two years ago while living in Kansas City on April 29, 2012 I was honored for winning a writing contest at Longview Community College. The poem is called ‘It hurts so good.’ My good friend Eric Hanson came with me to the awards ceremony. It was the first time in(at that time) 5 years of writing, that I had won an award and money for a poem. Now that it has been 2 years means I need to enter more writing contests.

The poem was written in March of 2009 while my parents separated and were both having a very hard time in life. I had just had a breakdown myself in November of 2008 which led me to go back to California. I worked at Trader Joes in Laguna Niguel. Walked to work. Gave my mom a good portion of my monthly income and got us through nine months of one condo to a smaller apartment. I wrote so much that year on this blog that truly probably reflected most of what was happening. Looking back at this, now five years later, I realize that hard times are the best times in life. It sounds so foreign to say that but it is true that pruning to be more abounding in fruit really does not seem like it helps in the moment of the hard season. But when years pass and you see your character changing then you can be sure that the difficulty was well worth it.

It is not that the pain means good in the sense that God enjoys our struggles. It is what the Apostle Paul proclaims: ‘All things WORK together for GOOD..’ Working and good both cause us to see God in the process of what we are going through. Henri Nouwen writes about this very well. More to come on his books. Embracing what you don’t understand leads to understanding that God is present in, to and through all that happening to you, with you and through Him. Praise God! Praise God, that our Father God is not distant from the pain that we experience. Jesus embraced all that was in front of Him, so I encourage us to embrace the painful parts of our lives that we don’t completely understand right now.

It hurts so good is basically saying: ‘pain, thank you, its all gonna carry over into eternity one day!’ I celebrate this day. Miss my Kansas City friends. Thank you Eric and Bruce(theBruce Kim), Andy, Jesse, Daniel, and Dan, and Life on Elmwood!

The poem

It hurts so good
To get us understood
Why, under the hood
Of this car, parts broken
Are hidden, the quasar
Guitar out of this planet
We want to escape this
Current stipulation,
Your Oregon Trail
Keeps our stomachs
In travail, dropping
Off dead bodies
Decaying the
Smell that kills,
Steals, destroys
Our ploys to get
Well.

It hurts so good
When you text me
How real the pain
Came to be, when in
One hour the victory
Was a high tower,
And remnants of
Tearful fractions
Of time spent
Aspires to dispel
Into thin air,
Like mount Everest
We have given our
Very best to stand
On top of the world,
We have wielded the
Sword, aimed for the
Academy Award for
Best original screenplay
About pain and running away

Like 17 Year old
Girlfriends that
Let the tension
Become the lesion
And tears made
Up the fall, that
After it all, Ender
Would save us all,
The brilliant dance
Would change our
Romance.

Aspiring to be free
I never saw it away
From me, huddled up
In a stoic apartment
Getaway, scribbling
This story as lived
By today, dividing it
As the bible of Ruckus,
What commotion has
Brought it to this?

It hurts so good that
You took your cookies,
Our goodies, your
Priorities out the door,
Your shoes not on
This floor, the upstairs
Boxes, your shoelaces
In remote places,
The laceration spaces
Reserved in need of
Graces aggravated
Against consciousness

It hurts so good when
She broke it off in the
Dead of winter, I was
Aflutter to respond
To her voicemail,
But it ended in jail,
With no money for bail,
I set this ship a sail
Toward a new ocean,
An eccentric commotion,
Stirring inside this affidavit
Written with strike through
Letters effect, to reject is
To collect what could
Never be fathomed,
Turned loose like
A bad phantom

We all want to change
The national anthem to
Be less free, less open
Ended to getting branded
And Wounded.

It hurts so good
When August blew
Past us and porch lit
Sunsets would get
Dim, set on letting
Go, but choking on
Tears that abrasion
Never scarred so
Easily, that sweet
Sweet summer
Would end eventually.
The midnight affray,
The vision of a new day
The empty white box
Counting the loss, a
A simple toss into
The river, taping over
The sliver in time dedicated
To her.

It hurts so good to know
That every contusion that
Keeps us up all night, will
Only shine bright and bring
More light to discoloration.
That sometimes confusion
Is the best place to start
The conversation.

Houses can be rebuilt to
Feel more like home
And on that Day when
He meets the groan, it
Will be made known that
I didn’t shy away, coy
In dismay, hid like a boy,
But rather I stood a
Better man, that my striving
Was not in vain, that from
Day one it was made plain
That death to all this pain,
Would make my soul sing,
And crossing over into
The heavenly ring, would
Cover multitudes of
Seemingly contorted
Pain.

It hurts so good to know
That every inch of God
Consciousness will make
Up for all this nonsense,
That golden roads and the
Endless placid river, we
Will see the giver—of life,
Of joy, of endless banqueting
Delights and He will stand
With all might and the bearer
Of our blind sight, The Man,
The Mission, The scar, here’s
My life so far, I embrace the pain.

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