I would like to think I am more awesome than what I have showcased on this blog( in terms of prolific-NESS) but I have been what I have been under the alias of “this is who I am becoming!” And I have a smaller list of regrets and things I would have done differently, and I have an even bigger list of things that I am grateful for!
Here’s a summary of each year( and everything in between) since this blog originated..( laughing to myself as I write this):
January 2007 was the peak of Night watch memories, eating pancakes daily, my best friend Zack( who got me going in this wordpress world) having our weekend get togethers in order to get his now wife over to join the party for everyone(ZJ’s place, which seems so long ago now). Fall 2007 became the intro to myself writing poetry. That is where is all started and since then it has been pretty steady. Those early poems were all centered around battles with anxiety, sleeplessness and depression. All of which have been a huge part of my journey.
Jan. 08 was the worst month ever due to crashing my dad’s sports car into a tree. I have probably posted many pictures of the car.( video above has a good shot of it) Losing the Sports car was a low BUT I graduated IHOPU after 3 1/2 years of school plus 6 months of Fire In the Night. At 22 years old. Zack got married in October of that same year and the up-all-night praying thing came to an end.
January 2009 was an interim period of life where I was living in Orange County working at Trader Joes and publishing every single piece of writing( just about) on the journey of pain, sorrow and joy that came out of that season. My parents got separated and my many poems including “its hurts so good” became the emblem of that time. I learned a lot about Orange County culture and watched a ton of movies. I read Story by Robert McKeee–and since reading that book I watch movies with a whole different lens. Some of those thoughts have made it onto this blog.
IHOPU’s awakening began in November 2009 and in April of 2010 I moved back. I joined forces with Isaac and Zack and Dave as the video man and other roles. Awakening Teen Camp became a four summer thing with 2008 being my first year and 2012 being the last. My love for teens really took off in 2010 and the friendships from that season are still with me to this day.
My friends Eric and Bruce especially were people I got to live with in 2010, 2011 and 2012. And it all started with working over the summers together. Year 2011 was also filled with a lot of youth ministry and doing IHOP in Kansas City.
The last year of my time in Kansas City was spent working again at Trader Joes, going to school( community college) and feeling a closing to the end of 8 years in Kansas City( or just about). Sine fall 2004 IHOP was where I lived and where I did everything. I am so grateful to all of those friendships and relationships that I feel I still have to this day. Summer 2012 was the end of Zack and Carrie leading Awakening Teen Camp. They gave it their all for five years and it was such a joy to not have just been Zack’s friend but to see him lead well. Miss you guys!
2013 by far was the hardest year of life I have ever experienced. Someday I hope to really talk of things related to mental health on this blog. It has probably seemed scattered but that is on purpose. Other scattered topics not so much..but I really am still on the journey of learning all that can happen to the human mind. I have been in the thick of dark times and it has come out in poetry(which has helped me reflect) but it has manifested in how I have lived my life. Its amazing to me and scary too to know that being in church, reading your bible, going to a place like IHOP, and even having Godly values and relationships all still don’t mean you won’t or can’t go through some valleys where shadows are all that you seems to see and where the weight of sorrow seems to be the only thing resting on you. It is unwise to expect God to give You really anything! And it is also wise to believe that God is good no matter what happens to us. It is a glorious tension! I say that because I feel more than anything self-righteousness has actually been in me more so than lust or impurity or anger.
It is through pain that some times we only can learn in that state. 2013 was a huge testing and by the end of that year I was out of what I was in. And through friendships and prayers and my family most of all-( and Jesus of course!) I have made it through.
Well my nephew Noah turned 2 on Halloween of 2014.
He is a little Ninja! But Noah Kai Ahern has been such a blessing to everyone I know and his first 9 months of his life were the hardest of mine! And so its super special for me to be around him as his one and only Uncle! But year 2014 has been spent in Pomona working with New Life Community Church and the Encounter School here. Now, after one year, I have completed the program and am doing school full time but still here at the church.
Of course, there are a million details and stories and revelations that has taken place, but I hope for year 8 of this blog to unfold more. The Ruckus to me is still Christ. The loud noise is His return. The disturbance=the fear of the Lord. How that unfolds in all of us is unique, but the road of conviction is one road we all should love, even though it can be disturbing at times.
Thank you readers for staying with this blog. Much love to all of you. You are all on the journey with me and I appreciate that!