The Search

As time has continued and we are in another year I have realized more and more how serious of a time we live in on this earth but what bothers me and convicts me more than anything is for someone like me who has been in church since five years old. Now almost 25 years later, and God has been so gracious to me. For me to elevate myself above others. To think that my service to the Lord is better than the worst person out there. It is also very disturbing for believers to join the bandwagon on hating those Gays( even if its not hate, but feels that way), or calling out those ISIS terrorist out there and those Muslims that are all so violent. For anyone to think that porn is so bad and those girls are getting trafficked..and it can feel like the parable in Luke when Jesus just tells us to stop doing that and to recognize God’s mercy! I am not saying that we live impervious to the world’s problems. It is never okay to be okay with sin, but the paradox is that all of us are sinners. And in Christ the stakes are higher. Yes, he has cleansed and washed us but now we are to live different. We are to actually not point any fingers. We are to love and pursue holiness and no, sin is not okay but that means that I am not okay. I am never okay living in a mindset that says I am better then others because I have my sin under control.
If one person does not grow in love and grow in compassion then it is a question then of someone’s salvation. Showing up is not good enough. Stirred and convicted so please be disturbed with me.

The Search
The end is the obsession,
The prize, the last sunrise,
The last breath, the last word
Spoken, the last further thing of
Everything forever—
The last endeavor, the last begins
Today, who will I become,
Who will I be, who will love me,
Who will reject me,
Who will stay with me,
Pain has been this escort,
Transition the greatest test—
Tears are better than a life
Of good weather,
To be shocked now with the
Great disappointment,
With those who do it daily—
God ‘s greatest blessing is
Hidden from the complainers,
From the strainers of the glass
Upon the weekly check in,
The weekly, hand raising,
But the daily f word, the daily
Delusion, the daily frequency
Of rejecting what is called
His goodness, His patience,
His wonderful mercy,

Sex continues in its pleasure,
In its measure, in wherever
Anyone can do it without
Commitment, without authorization,
Without any regard, just an orgasm
Wherever it can take place with
No connection, so those gays can
Do their thing and disrupt our
Sunday sermons,

those Muslims
We evangelicals hate so easily
Because they are a ticking time
Bomb—because all of this is
Inside of me, I covet, I hate,
I raise myself up above everyone
Else, I point the finger at the threat
Out there, I wonder why no one
Seems to have power and it seems
To be because talking is what God
Has allowed, but living what you say
He has not smiled upon everyone,
For few seem to be doing it,
And Hell is to be paid for anyone
That thinks their piety and their
Sunday devotion is good enough—
The poor man has one advantage
And that is at least he knows that
He is poor, at least he believes that
He has to work very hard to survive,
So at least maybe when good things
Come his way he will do what no
One can do—and that is—to be grateful
I am the problem,
I am fallen,
I am weak,
I am pointing all of this at myself—
God loves me just as much as someone
Who is gay, a Muslim, an Occupy wall street
Buffoon, a fire and brimstone preacher,
Or even someone who just loves to manifest
And shake and twitch and call it God’s
Presence—the search is on,
The search is here,
The search is near,
The search is needed for me—
Please God, have mercy on my
For knowledge is a gift
But gratitude is a practice
Help us love what You love

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