Shut In(not now)

I am not sorry for pain,
Not sorry for its embrace,
Never sorry for secrets,
For what happens in the darkness–
I am never shut in, never alone anymore,
Never lost for to long,
Never has slipped away from me–
Change is the test of what you don’t
Know, to the rubber,
To the Road that is ahead–
A heart alive is the greatest weapon-
Yet hard and death go together,
Yet sorrow can feel so normal
So thermal, so now uncontrolled
By the weather–He is, He is I Am,
He is the embrace upon me,
I drown it out with the sounds of
Something lesser, something
Lower, something that will fall
Apart soon upon me,
Bore it, on that cross He did,
Underneath the weight of my
Pain, my rebellion, my hellion
Of an attitude, my circumvented
Way of escape never did carry
Mercy–I am out, I am halfway
In, I can’t live for myself anymore–
I can’t live for steady, for white walls,
For the flourescent halls that kept it
Steady, that morning coffee, that
Jason guy, that Indian girl,
That card game of a daily
Grind, that sun spotted place
Of rest, that toss over the fence
That second chance,
Stitches came forward,
My pain was backwards,
Love had me, though I could not
See, I am not shut in, I am not
Alone, I am not in the darkness,
But when it feels O so like it can–
Hello hurricane! Hello storms!
Hello hearses for these curses–
I have stood up for righteousness,
Yet I love the things He hates!
I want the pleasure without the
Sacrifice, I want the dreams without
The day screen, the day scene,
The minute to minute of a life
That won’t cut it–Mercy I need you,
For I am shut in without you

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