Validation

Is it valid, your love for me?
Is it solid, the weakness that separates me?
Is it true that I don’t know what is true
That I cannot be known apart from You–
Heavenly is a remedy for temporal
Disturbances, a ruckus I have raised
For this highway to be paved–
Sitting is pain, silence is a hollow
Train through this town–no supplies,
No asking why, no more things to carry–
No more being silent for the things that
Bother me, but do they bother You, or are you
Restraining so it won’t kill me?

I am bothered that I feel smothered by
Your eyes, by a God who never lies,
By a covenant that I cannot break,
Flesh is cut, bird blood in a rut,
A cross is between us, but only one
Of us has been raised up, has been
Raised up forever!

I will not go for You God,
I will not speak for You,
I will ask over and over again–
Am I valid? Am I solid? Am I
Empty when everyone sees me
Full? Am I fool for the sake of love-
Am I the Nineveh messenger bent
On rejection or am I also swallowed
Up by my own fear,
By my own despair?
By my own repair that leads
To nowhere

Am I valid?
Am I solid?
Or am I focusing on that which
Can keep me from believing that
You are good,
That you are near,
That Your mercy validates
The parts of me that cannot
Save, that cannot hear, and
That cannot speak
I will go, I will say,
But I will need mercy to
Lead the way

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