This is dedicated to my older sister Alyssa Ahern who is moving soon! I love you dearly.

Met you way back when

Pain was undercover

Side room sitting, leather

Couch knitting, up all night

For the thrill of the light lost

Next to us—shortened bangs

With blonde looking ends—

Were they split? Was it worth it?

I never changed the inside of

Myself, it was the outer courts

That got to me, the outer places

Of superficial discovery—

The reservoir days, the reserved

Days of passion bottled up inside-

‘embrace this place’ on repeat,

Tears for the in between, joy

For the hockey games, for all

That I couldn’t blame—two

Hands in the stands, you came

With two hands—

My colors have changed,

That bathroom exchange—

Shared it and it never circled

The drain—why did you have

To leave so soon?

Jetway discoveries,

Jetlag love on delay

You moved to L.A.

Before those dreams hit

Our sleep too—

Sister, brother, love

For mother, where is your

Father? We always asked—

No just on vacation

But on placation for

The reservations made—

Someone to sit with,

Needed you daily,

What about girls?

What about those thrills?

What about when she can’t

Get out of this head of mine?

She never really did, but you

Tied the lid, never discussed it

Instead, race wars for you, the

T.V. on repeat, the VHS on

Repeat, the love we had on delete—

Empty has defined me,

Emptied out for Jesus now—

Couch family I wanted you

And maybe never got you,

But Sis you will be missed,

So I embrace the time we have

Left—though our love will

Never end