Some birthday memories..getting older..it has arrived..always growing.

No, I too have to clue about the future

I used to spend it all on You,

Now I still have no clue, no rearview

Sidekick to lessen the lessons it takes

To listen to you, turning 19 in the middle of

The night, turning 20, then some water,

Then I went down under, then 21, then some

More fun in the college city, then more pity

For the collapsed seasons, when weight and

Shame were heavy nightly,

No, I too have no clue how to get back to You,

Lost like Everest, lost like there not is any rest—

Found like a new sound, its singing is in strands,

Its healing in those hands,

Turning 22, nothing felt new or fresh,

Dinner with the big sister, Dan in Real Life,

Later was a pillow fight, for older can’t be

This bad, or can it?

Turning 23, settling for sleepless rest,

Autumn moons for the ocean retreats,

On the sand, in the castles, we always just

Prayed for the pain to fade away,

Then he left you on the sunrise evenings

Then later came, then the turning came—

24 now to blame it on the Colorado evenings

And the John Mark recordings,

Carbon ribs on repeat,

Then came 25 when you decided to stay

And stick with it,

Then came another turning, one called endless

Burning, older is wiser now, life never in blue,

Or black, or a shadow attack,

27 turning with hospital gowns as the birthday

Crowns to be received, Skyfall with the best friends,

28 for the greater grace to be received, the best

Two years later I could ask for, 29 to the sky,

Now one last turning has taken place, to be 30

To live in grace, to look back at all that has changed

And turned and all that has hurt and scarred me,

The final turning—death to life, the final resurrection,

The last of things to get settled—

I live, we live, to not just get older, but to grow

Closer, closer to eternity,

Enjoy it, use it, live while you have it,

The grave awaits a turning back into the

Ground.