Smoke For You

At the turn of 2017 is the ten year anniversary of this blog. 10 years ago I was 21 years old living in Kansas City. Choosing, like a monk, to serve in the Temple. It was Holy and unearned. It was crazy and cult like. It has its criticism, but say whatever you want. I am not where I am if it wasn’t for that place. I press towards a new day. I miss those friends and distance hasn’t changed those memories. Often I am in touch with being a kid. Sometimes it feels immature. It feels like I am not letting go of pain and abuse. And even letting go of the good and the green. I was a spoiled kid living in Fort Collins. Having the mountains as my side yard. I wanted to burn. Burn with passion for something bigger then me. Here is the start of some thoughts on impact and looking back, as far back as you can go…

Cause I am hopped up on

Getting up,

Spent that child hood on

Getting understood,

On wearing a hood,

These memories are

Fresh, you got a lot of

Flesh, it was the way it was,

I thought smoke came from flames

It really came from the future,

I thought you were perfect,

Wings and all,

Here and gone,

Suitcases for Christmas,

Can’t dismiss the need to

Leave this town,

I was hopped up on hope,

The son was missed,

We did want you to stay


But I still had some danger,

Everyone gets left,

Everyone gets lost,

Everyone has some flames

To still find.

Just kids was what we did,

Older sister to the rescue,

Telling me to abandon


To hide a little bit longer

Beneath the surface,

I remember Scarface,

I remember Casino,

I remember that kind of life

Could never fit the knife,

Wealth is like a movie,

Credits are gonna roll,

This has no ending,

Hell is like the beginning of

All the endings you get to skip


The flames judge the smoke,

It seems to be a joke,

But I am no superman without

A city,

A city to save, a city to slave,

A city to cut, a city in a rut,

A city like we were kids,

Rescue, that was you,

Curfew that was me,

I played it safe for you,

I loved out late,

I held on,

I waited at the gate,

Smoke is my friend

Cause at least I got

Some energy for you

To catch,

Joy is my mind resting

At night, or peace when

It rains,

No umbrella to claim,

The end of this is

Where you start,

I waited months to

Write this,

I am in between,

I am over the sea,

I am smoke, don’t

You see?

I want the flame, I want you

To see this, see it burn,

See it up top,

Hopped up,

Top of the tree,

Like a star shining


I am ready for the fire,

Its all burning anyway


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