I am usually expressing real and raw truths about my life in poetry. I think I can hide behind the abstract parts of it. I am not even sure who I am writing about. Today is not a poem. Today is just Your Sunday. School is near. Everyone has some new fears to discover.
I used to follow the rules. Daily. Nightly I was stopping you from crossing lines. I used to think that was the best way to live. Now I realize that, that is not risk. Everyone wants to know if what they are doing will be worth it someday. Most of us hide it all anyway. We hide what we follow. We hide our intentions.
I am at Starbucks. I am on the pills. That hasn’t changed in a long time. I had this date last summer. I showed her this video I made where you see my medicine all over the place. Well, I couldn’t fake that one for a while. Altogether, I was living in the dark and to think it was better than being myself. It wasn’t.
I am thinking if someone that knew me read this they would be surprised because that is what living in secret is. It is a surprise when you find out what is really going on with someone. We are children of the light…we are a city on a hill…we expose the works of darkness..
I don’t ever want to have the heart of someone that says, “Yeah, I have read that in the bible, and I am just burnt out on it.” Well, I think I have read it and by no means has it been read recently. And I am tired and worn out. I am worn out by Facebook and people hating church for good and bad reasons.
I am following myself. I am living secretly. I am telling you that this is the first part of many parts of this story. I am meeting somebody. And that is still a secret.