When I first started this blog in 2007 I was 21 years old living in Kansas City, Mo. My tagline for this blog was: sitting in His Presence is a great disturbance. I was obsessed with the Fear of The Lord. I wanted to speak of nothing except the power of God and the message of the return of Christ.
Now it has changed to Louder Now. I did that because over time we grow and understand ourselves better we gain a louder clarity to things. We grow and mature and our maturity proves to put us in a more confident place to speak about things. In 2013 when I got our of the hospital after 5 months I was reading everything I could get my hands on and I feel like I am coming back to the book The Millionare Messenger by Brendan Burchard. It was about becoming an expert at something. Reading every book you could find on a subject. I know now that my area of expertise is mental health. 13 years of being diagnosed bipolar and taking medication but to be honest I have had a really hard time working on it. Reading has been hard. Writing has been even harder. So, the fact that I am here telling you what is going on with me. That is a step in the right direction.
I have been watching so many shows and movies and I have some thoughts for you. There is to much content out there. I binged 4 shows on Apple TV. I recently watched The Morning Show Season One and it was incredible. It was spoiled with such great actors and even better writing. I then moved onto Home Before Dark which was so creative and so fun. It tells the story of a small town murder and how police are corrupt and cover it up. The story centers around a nine year old girl who starts her own online newspaper and does the reporting herself. I then moved onto some loud laughs with Ted Lasso starring Jason Sudeikis. I also thought it was cool that Marcus Mumford did the soundtrack for the show. This was also the same weekend that my friends from Kansas City( now living in Oregon and St. Louis) came into town for our friend Bruce Kim’s wedding. I had started a Keto diet a few weeks before and when we all went out to eat I killed a Kale Salad.
I got a flat tire on a Saturday night and it meant I couldn’t go see my mom on Sunday so I binged Defending Jacob on Apple TV. I will forever be a Chris Evans fan.
I also started speaking again for mental health. My first gig back was September 30th with Tri City Pomona. And since then I have been working again with NAMI In Our Own Voice doing various presentations in Southern California.
Back to watching stuff. I have found myself looking for stories and looking for inspiration but struggling to really set aside time to write down my thoughts. I finally made an outline for a book that I want to write about my mental health journey but every time I really sit down to do any real writing I find myself finding a new show or a movie and getting into it.
I got so into Succession or also known as the best show on television. Since I am an avid listener to The Armchair Expert I also discovered Fleabag but still haven’t gotten past the first couple of episodes. Succession tells the story of a wealthy family based loosely on everyone who has ever been a billionaire because of their media influence. Its not Citizen Kane but it sure does tell a great story of greed and power. I am already caught up on Billions so I understand and can’t get enough of rich people drama.
I haven’t written a post like this in a while but last week I published a tribute to my friend Billy who recently died by suicide. I wrote this post on my Louder Now Blog. You can find it HERE.
I have been suicidal more time than I can count actually really only a few different times in my life. 8 years ago I entered into the worst year of my life due to getting off of medications. There is nothing worst than being suicidal. Its the lowest you can ever feel and when you get into it and you feel like you are so stuck that suicide seems rational then you really have a problem. So, what’s next?
I am sitting at LAX airport getting ready to go to Seattle to see my family for a whole week. Three nephews and the whole family together. I can’t wait.
Live your life to the fullest. Maybe I have forgotten how to live because I get lost in to many stories and other people’s lives fill my life so how much more time can there be for me to get to living,
That’s my challenge to you.