Logging On

Started the year with clarity.

This life has been scarcity,

And I still dream of ways to

Die,

Are you good? Do you know

What I think about?

What did you pass down

To me? Was it eyes and

Tragedy, cause I know how 

I see things now.

You used to stay at home,

On your chair like it was 

A throne,

Did you rule the air? 

Cause we felt the fear,

And we never wanted

You here.

Logging in to see if anyone

Cares,

Cause these pictures of us

Keep it safe to say,

We left you and your 

Sway.

When did it start for you,

The days of rage and 

Wanting the stage.

I was at the center of

Your eyes,

And it wasn’t worth

Your attention.

All I wanted was to want

Some kind of get away,

Had to listen to your voice

Still not a choice I choose,

But I can still feel the abuse.

Slayed like man in hunger,

The thirst started when we

Were younger,

Give me more,

Or give me power,

Is your name really 

A high tower?

Cause I am still

Running from the 

Things you did to me.

Time passed

And we passed

The hour glass,

Adults now and

Free to go,

No more of you

In your chair in 

Our home,

Falling down now,

Back to you somehow,

Hunger for more,

Your shoes not

On this floor,

Will we ever stop talking

About the way you were?

And the flames still

Occur,

Can I ever be sure,

Or just burn for the 

Things You say,

Am I the man I was

When I was with you? 

Logging in to see how

The love plays out,

Less has become more

And I am on the floor,

Walking to another day.

Slow Again

Slow Again

Calling again,

Do you need a friend?

Are you single, 

Is that now, or 

Back then.

You had to stay next to me

When I wanted to go,

I had you fast and quickly,

It was close but never slow.

Spring time came,

I was to blame,

I never saved your 

Number with your name,

Had to run when I 

Should have stayed.

Saved you in my mind,

Did the time,

Tried to remember

It’s hard to forget

All the times I saw

You and it wasn’t

A shadow, it was

Full throttle,

Calling again,

Cause you found a 

New friend,

And you want to

Start this again.

Don’t know what you mean

When you say you want me,

I have some memories of

Those days,

But lately its been a haze.

Did you love me,

Or will you leave me?

I am quick to say

I can’t go slow again,

If you call again,

Don’t call me a friend.

The Latest

Lately I’ve been up 

Late,

Thinking of what to say to 

You,

Thought it was gonna last

Long,

Now we don’t belong,

Are you sick of being

Tired cause I don’t

Sleep much without

You here,

Is that what you


Want to hear?

Was it time for you to leave,

You always hated this

City,

Now we are apart

And you want to come

Back?

Is that the latest


On you,

Or do I still not have a clue.

I tried to get it together

For you,

Tried to slim down,

And stay around,

But when I turn to

The side,

I can’t hide,

I see you with 

Every stride.

Are you still up late

Thinking of me,

Why did you get

The move on,

Moved out on 

Your own to

Your own home,

Can you stand me enough

To stay, or is that gonna be

Another day? 

I know the way you move

And how you look when

You sleep next to me

But when I leave

I am still empty,

Is this the latest about

You and me,

Thoughts about you but

Still a little blue,

Are you late to notice,

Late to this and 

Late to us.

Another Night

Won’t be the last night

I try to do right,

Got you as a memory,

Close to me,

Was it love,

Or just your body?

How many months

Are you gonna keep

It like this?

Do you like

Being liked after

Midnight,

Burning the miles

To find a way to

You,

Are you low on

Being alone,

Are you tired of

That home,

Piles of things

You can’t let

Go of,

Things to move

Out of the way,

Why are you

Like this,

Is the night

Soulless,

Do you want

Another night

To get it right?

Will this be the last time

Around,

Or do you like the hollow

Ground? 

I’ve tried to say no,

And a little of the
Let go,

But I can’t let

You know,

I don’t know how to go slow,

I am listless

Over making lists,

Changes and things 

To rearrange,

Or the sound I make

When I stay the same,

The last time I saw you

I was leaving,

And you were

Believing

In all I was 

Saying,

I can’t love you today,

That’s on the shelf,

I can’t sleep next to you

Any day, and anyway

Are you the one,

Or is this done?

This won’t be the last night

That I call you to get it right,

I miss the things you never

Did say,

Now I am a lover but I am 

In the way,

Lost in the sound of 

The hollow ground,

Cause soon enough

You will have had enough

And you will forget that love

For you was on my lips,

If I say you will stay,

And is that what you 

Want, another night

Where its this way?

White Walls

Are you alone when you’re home,

Pacing hallways looking 

For payphones,

Quarters for smokes

Are we home yet?

Is this a little piece of 

Forever,

I can barely see the 

Future,

Are you living in this 

Water, all you do 

Is the work,

Will this really work,

This thing called love.

Are you over this place yet,

Is your bed on the empty

Since I’ve lost my mind,

Are you still lovely 

Without me,

Is this place costly,

Can I leave for free?

Are you still alone 

When you’re home,

You don’t know the 

Phone like I do,

Can I call to know 

Your voice?

This place is running 

On empty,

White walls with white 

Halls and no one knows 

My name,

Who’s to blame?

Can’t explain to you

The pain of wandering

Or the loss with no 

Memory,

Giving pills,

Losing thrills,

Lost your chills,

Where do we go from 

Here,

Are you fear,

Can you be here?

Alone at home,

Without you here,

Away from that place

Where we used to pace.

Follow Up

Following Up

And not showing up,

Is this place safe,

Or are you away?

Falling asleep without

You next to me,

Going backwards

Again and again,

Can’t just be friends,

Can’t just live again!

Did you see the sorrow,

Did you follow up?

Did you grow up with

Greys instead,

Are you sure of the
Love you gave?

Is this safety,

Or did you run from me?

Told you secrets and

Dreams,

Tried for the tied,

But never could win

With you,

Now you are sinking

And falling to,

Did you ever follow up,

Couches orange when

You wanted to show up,

Are we safe now? 

Are you unsure now?

I am drowning down

And night after night

I am asking for your 

Name to reign,

Can you calm the

Storm of sorrow I 

See? 

Did you follow up?

Did you follow to?

Can I just follow through?

How many days have you 

Been through without

You,

I can’t follow up

Or show up like
I used to

Louder Now Episode #129( Domestic Violence Awareness Month And Post Traumatic Growth With Agape Garcia)

Show notes:

Louder Now is back with a new episode for a new month. October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. My guest today tells her story of surviving domestic abuse and how to move in post traumatic growth. I so enjoyed talking with her. She is also doing big things and helping so many people now. Proud of her and honored that she shared on this podcast.

Agape’s BIO:

Be Your Incredible Self (BYIS) best describes Ms. Garcia’s tenacious attitude towards empowering others. Garcia, over the past 35 years has navigated through domestic violence, privacy, safety, vulnerability, and the mindset to endure personal adverse events in life. 

Her survival of a double attempted homicide while 8 months pregnant (by the father) and the desperation to survive became the catalyst to the foundation of BYIS while achieving an undisputed outlook of independence.  During her journey to overcome, Garcia learned that extreme independence is a trauma driven response and a natural one which can be defeated through focused, self awareness and intentional control. 

Through her own walk, harsh lessons brought on by extreme independence resulted in areas of her life being sabotaged repeatedly.  Her personal journey of post traumatic growth has led Garcia to dedicating her life in developing transformational programs, various forms of coaching, certification courses and establishing a nonprofit to help real time victims. Her commitment is to provide lifelong transformational habits that can restore your powerful internal sense of control. One of her personal statements, ‘You don’t live anywhere but in your head’  is why some of her laser focus teachings are on aligning your mental and emotional belief system. 

As her passion grew from her own personal struggles, Garcia became active within the community receiving a Mayoral appointment to work with various Law Enforcement and Government agencies. 

Garcia has spent more than 20 years in the corporate world holding positions in Office Administration, Project Management, Compliance, Policy writing, Team building, Training, Leadership and Consulting. She continued to serve other organizations including the American Society for Industrial Security (ASIS), Board of Directors, and holds a current membership in the FBI vetted private sector program of InfraGard. As VP of a Security Consultant Company, she has developed programs with leadership responsible for security and emergency management. These emphasize awareness toward identifying different stages of human behavior leading towards violence mitigation.

While working, attending school, and raising her kids as a single parent, her personal priorities of housing, safety and privacy for her children were of utmost importance. This required Garcia to navigate through various self-help centers, state, city, local programs, systems and assistance to create a stable foundation for her family while providing the ability to assist others. She also volunteers and collaborates with local law writer(s), in support of bills under Public Safety.

Garcia believes in the need to feel loved, wanted, and cared for as a part of life in all of us. Living through emotional tugs of war and learning to apply a controlled healthy mindset to overcome voids, shortcomings, and to break unhealthy cycles is who she is today versus the opposite of where she came from. Today, she prides herself on meeting the daily challenges of being vulnerable and safe at the same time while empowering others to Be Your Incredible Self.

Garcia’s personal mission is to help lead others in transforming their survival of Domestic Violence (DV) into Post Traumatic Growth and to mitigate the depletion of resources for real time victims.

Sharing her personal testimony has empowered so many others. She loves teaching her BYIS formula of: How to combine Situational Awareness with Emotional Intelligence to control your triggers.

TO FIND AGAPE ONLINE:

Go to her website:  

www.beyourincrediblself.com

Facebook:

 www.facebook.com/beincredible

Linked In:

www.linkedin.com/in/agarciabyis/

Instagram:

www.instagram.com/beyourincredibleself/

End of Show Notes:

Please email jared.diehl@gmail.com if you would like to be a guest on the podcast.

Please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/jared-diehl-the-louder-now-podcast/id1454818946

Follow me on Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/jareddiehl8/

*** call 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. 

TO CALL THE HOTLINE: 

800-273-8255

*** Technical Glitch–there might be some echo towards the end of the interview..not sure how to fix this but just to let you know there might be an echo** Thank you!

Late Night Repair

Late night repair,

Need you here,

Are you good,

Or just there?

Got you for the getaway,

Trying to drift,

Making the shift,

Seeing you

Whenever I go,

Walking away 

With love on my 

Lips,

Late night repair,

Heart on a wire,

Words for the despair,

Are you more than

Just here? 

Asking for change,

Looking for the 

Rearrange,

Now we are sitting

And speaking,

No one looks

Free in the twilight,

Still got the ache

When dark becomes

Night,

I am a late soul,

Losing control,

And wandering

With the eyes

You gave me,

Late night repair,

Blood and needles

And things to come,

When will you come?

Is it soon?

Is this a close up

And a zoom,

Is nearness what You

Are? 

Cause I got pain

You are far,

Farther then I can

See,

Living for the love

But today is misery,

Falling apart in the day,

And waiting up for you in

The night.

Many Nights

To many nights like this,

Trying to find someone 

To miss,

How many times did you

Leave us on the floor,

Up at night,

Asking for more,

Trying to let go,

Trying to explore,

To many night trying to change,

Waiting for the 

Rearrange,

Waiting for you to call,

Waiting for the fall,

Waiting for the departure.

To many nights lost in the 

Lust only one can hide,

Thought I saw your face,

Thought you left this place,

Thought I could use you,

But I can’t follow through

With following you,

Can’t find a way to keep

On loving you.

To many nights where 

Morning never ends,

And is the eternal love

Something to miss,

Something to skip,

You in a red dress

Can’t change what

I have seen and
Where we have

Been,

Can’t miss you more

Than I do now,

To many nights like this,

Are you the one I miss,

Or is it someone else?