You

Another late night,

Another late fight,

Another chance to 

Get it right,

On the next flight

Can’t talk tonight,

Trying to get you 

Out of sight,

Using my mind like

Its all my might,

But you keep spinning

When I am not looking,

Another way out of this,

Another time to shred

The papers I write about

You, 

Its summer and its magic

Is lost on me,

I got you as a memory,

Can’t get away from 

Your body,

Now I am sorrow,

And I lost the mystery.

Another day and another

Time is what the prideful

Say,

I am lost in the sway,

Under the world in 

My own way,

I am trying to forget

Your eyes,

Magic in the

Midnight fights,

Mystery for

The red eyed

Flights,

Cause I am a runner,

And a little lost

At sea,

Another yesterday I would 

Have looked at you,

Straight in the eyes,

Told you no lies,

Now I can’t 

Change,

Can’t get you right,

Can’t get off this flight,

Cause no one can

Run forever,

Are you home when

You are on the phone,

Are you lost in being 

Alone,

Do you love debt

Like me,

Cause I am spending

It all on you,

I am lost like you,

And its no easy

Regret to unwind,

All I have is time,

Time to live,

Time to die,

Time to lie

And that is

Truth,

Another late night,

Hungover on yesterday,

Cause shame follows me

And I can’t claim any great

Mystery,

Another late night

Where I sit with myself,

And I just can’t

Stop thinking of 

You,

Is this love,

Or am I just 

Addicted to you.

Louder Now Episode #121

Louder Now Episode #121 ****

Hello friends, welcome back to the podcast. This was the first time I have talked with Doctors on this show and it was wonderful. We talk personal stories of overcoming trauma and we get into forgiveness, faith and even some talk about psychedelics. Also, much more .

I loved having them on the podcast and hope to do part 2 in the future.

BIO: Drs. May and Tim Hindmarsh 

Drs. Tim and May Hindmarsh are a dynamic dual physician couple, having a blast doing life together. They are also the hosts of BS FREE MD Podcast. Both are Board Certified Family Practice physicians, currently practicing Urgent Care. Both have over 28 years of diverse experience in family practice, hospital medicine, obstetrics and urgent care. 

Born and raised in Canada, they met in Medical School then graduated from University of Saskatchewan in Saskatoon, SK in 1992 and married 4 days later. 

Both completed Family Medicine Residency at the University of Alberta, Edmonton in 1994 and soon after immigrated to Oregon where they have been practicing ever since. They worked under Samaritan Health Services in the Willamette Valley, OR for 25 years. While there, Tim accrued almost 20 years experience in Utilization Management. He has been on numerous committees and boards including Samaritan Health Board of Directors, (a 5 hospital multispecialty integrated health network). He has served on Pharmacy and Therapeutics, Credentialing, Management Council , Physicians Board and was Medical Director for Twin Oaks Care Center. 

In 2021 they ventured into the private world of Medicine, helping establish Ridgeway Health, a local private Urgent Care Clinic. Both have been frontline physicians during the Covid Pandemic, working almost exclusively in Covid Clinics 2020-2022. 

They both believe in serving the community you are in. While rural medicine has been their main mission field, they have served internationally. May also was Medical Director for StarFish Medical Ministries from 2009-2012. 

In 2021 they launched BS FREE MD Podcast They are passionate and love laughing at their medical experiences as well as getting into serious discussions on the issues in healthcare today. Never boring, they bring a lighter approach to the often mundane Medical world. 

As a successfully married couple for almost 30 years, they have an honest and real discussion about what makes a relationship work, dual physician family struggles and raising great adults. Their motto for success in work/

life balance is: The 4 F’s to success- Faith, Family, Finances, Fun. They bring a raw, real, fun approach to life and their adventures. Described as a “ gas and brake” experience, this lively couple is always on the go. Tim received the Governor’s Award for Contribution to Physical Fitness (Oregon) -2008 and the OHSU Award for Contribution to Rural Healthcare 2006 Founder of ‘Act Alive’- Decathlon of Extreme Sports in 24 hours, raising money and awareness for their hospital foundation Tim is happy to tackle controversial topics in healthcare and challenge the status quo. From Covid to Opioid Crisis , managed care to risk assessment- almost no topic in healthcare is off limits. 

May has overcome eating disorders through marriage and residency, postpartum depression, struggled with imposter syndrome and career regret. As a migraine warrior and autoimmune patient, she is a tough 

“overcomer”. She embraces women’s health issues AND life as a high achieving female professional.

Visit their website: https://bsfreemd.com/

Follow them on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bsfreemd/

Here is the book that Dr. Tim mentions toward the end of the show: 

End of Show NOTES:

National Suicide Prevention Hotline:

1-800-273-8255

For support groups:

Follow Louder Now on Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/theloudernowpodcast/

Email jared.diehl@gmail.com if you have questions or comment

Tell you Something (Part 2)

Love is your commodity,

Finding your body,

A hobby,

Now time has left me,

It has gone by,

I have reasons why,

Why I can’t love

Even just better,

Or not at all?

I got jobs without love

And money is the root

Of me,

I am a sinking man

Without a plan,

How do I say no 

To you again,

And again,

Listless over making

Lists and I can’t get 

You to stay,

Love is my commodity,

Lusting you like a hobby,

Trying to get sober,

But just getting older,

I’ve loved the voices you

Make,

I just know your gonna

Break and that’s my

Mistake,

I am not the one for you,

I am just the right now

That you got going before

You get going,

I am trying to move along,

Grow and get a life that 

Last long and this thing

We have is not the 

Future I want anyway,

Commodities,

Anyway,

Time is the give away,

And that has been lost to.

Tell You Something,Part 1

Part 1, Gotta Tell You Something

Have to say that time has gotten away,

Met you on a hot summer day,

Was a man not ready to face

Pain, heart was living on empty.

Time has slipped in between the

Things I say and the things I 

Want to mean,

Time is stopping and I gotta

Tell you something,

This heart is in flames

Over other names,

Its June and almost 

Another day will make

You further away,

Its almost the fourth,

And I can’t go forth,

I can’t tell you the hard

Things,

Can’t let you leave 

This place alone,

This soul is in flames

Over other names

And I can’t let you go,

I have to let you know,

I have hid with silence

Like we were garden lovers,

Where did this all start and

Have you started or do you 

Want to stay til the finish?

Til death?

Til another memory changes

The ones you have today?

I gotta tell you something,

I can’t say the things I mean,

I can’t tear you down,

And I can’t do it again,

I can’t tell you no love

Just stay a friend,

I am the ending to this

Thing I started,

Telling you,

That’s the hardest part.

Floors

Never saw your feet touch the floor,

Always sought you in the more,

Playing it safe all of my days,

I am lost in a haze

Trapped in a blaze,

Can’t fan the flame for myself,

Putting those dreams on the shelf,

Buying you coffee

And running on empty,

Is your soul sad,

Is your brain mad? 

Is that what strangers say?

I tried to love you,

You always got away,

Looking for a man to

Look up to but you weren’t 

Around,

Feet never could touch the floor,

Recliners in the evening,

You were always leaving,

I was never living,

Fear is a strange affair,

I tried not to despair, 

Now I need repair,

Your voice I just can’t

Let go of,

I did not love you the way

One should,

I am up high and I am 

Not coming down,

Down to the ground,

Feet on your floor,

Boxes packed and

Dreams in tact,

When will You come

Again! Is soon today!

Is soon a misery,

We lost mystery,

You live away

But in this head you still

Live,

I am down on the ground,

I am a man and my head is 

Mad,

I am living into the evening,

And we can’t get even!

Nothing about you is even

Lovely,

Now, I am no stranger to 

Lonely,

I am down,

I am sad,

I am mad,

I want more, 

My feet touch the floor!

Necks

Sweat on the neck,

Loving you like a train 

That wrecks,

Up to my neck in the middle 

Of June, told you goodbye,

But it won’t be the last time.

Do you like the play,

Or am I made of clay?

I’m walking not on the 

Moon but into you,

And are you coming down,

Making loud sounds,

Sweat on the neck,

No play like decks 

We don’t live that kind

Of life around here,

When u gonna get out of 

Bed, cause we are together in 

My head, kids growing older,

I’m not sober and its only Tuesday,

I want you, you’ve gotten away,

And I’m in your sway,

When we gonna find each other?

Neck sweat,

Taxi tales of leaving this town

And finding you again,

I’m burning up when you 

Grow up and im in need of 

Something new.

Control

What do I get back from loving you?

Putting you on pause,

Asking because

You are way out there

And I am close in here,

Pills are still taking,

Something is taken,

Are we all mistaken,

Pain in the way I talk

With you, better off

Inside this head,

World is ahead,

And living is for 

The taking,

What do I gain from loving you?

I lose all my soul,

All control,

All is a loss and

All is hostile.

I’ve waited on your call

Late into the evening,

Here to say:

Why can’t we stay even?

I am undressing the things

I have seen and I can’t 

Erase what I have done,

I put you on display,

Hid the things that

Never should be

Hidden,

What do I find now where

I can’t find anything at all?

I feel death is the call,

You want it all,

Never did you once 

Ask for a little part of

This soul,

I can’t give you the

Control,

Now I have a soul

And it is screaming,

I have written many notes

To the world and lately

Hopeless words fill the pages,

Are you the future we want,

Waiting for the one we need?

I am gaining you

And losing the control,

Cause love is a 

All consuming flame!

Coming Down

Your coming down on me,

You never were up high anyway,

Days have wasted away,

Summer is here and your love

Isn’t near,

I am burning and 

Earning the way I feel,

Asking you to make a list,

Working it, now listless, 

Are we regular, or

More than that? 

Hopeless notes I leave to

Myself,

Dreams up on the shelf,

Now I reading the things

You tell me,

Where’s the mystery?

We used to have history,

I am coming down with

Something, I am addicted to

Being a regular man,

One that slides by and

Has no demands.

I am asking for more

But am I ready?

Death on the radio

Plays daily and I can only

Hear the bullets in the 

Distance,

Summer is resistance

And I am good with

Burning up on my own.

I want a home,

But this is a house

And we are strangers

Here,

You are coming down,

Soon and sooner than

We want! No one says

Its here or there, we 

All say its a nevermind

Kind of story,

I am coming down on

The way I talk to myself,

Hopeless notes and dreams

Of things we never did do,

I am lost and that’s because

I don’t know You,

You are coming down,

Coming down on the things

I need, writing notes of love

And mercy instead of

Tragedy,

I am coming down with

Something to, I am getting

Out of this town and

All the things that are blue.

Still Burning

Getting closer now,

Closer to the floor,

There is more and

This soul knows it,

When will I own it?

My whole life and the

Way I chose to love you,

You keep me up now,

And never is never a 

Thing you would say,

Short summers of love

All for you, now we are

Burning with the old 

Heat from when we 

Were kids,

Always leaving,

but  always staying inside

This heart of mine,

I know you can’t be the 

One we replace,

I had a summer ache,

Cops in blue chasing

Black capes in streets

Like a que,

I am still the same man

That needs you,

I want to know you better,

Better than midnights

And hotel fights,

I call you but I’d rather

Be close to you,

I am burning

And its all for you,

Eyes and hooks

And we all follow

Now! You are light

And that is the 

Only part of me that

Feels right.

Balance

Trying to balance with you,

Getting resistance in blue,

Do I know you, or just pretend to?

Latte in the late night,

Are you really the one

I am drinking, do you 

Know what I am really thinking?

Words divide this flesh,

Brain is a mesh from

All the pills,

Lost the thrills,

And now you tell me

How you’ve been living

All along,

What am I doing wrong,

Are you the God of dead 

Things?

Trying to find balance,

But really I am poor,

I am death knocking at

Your door,

Do you save if I go high up?

And how high do I gotta go 

For you to find me,

Save me,

Know me,

Cause I am not the one

You are drinking,

Do you know what I am

Really thinking?

What will happen when

We stop the late night

Conversations,

Are you coming or going?

When will this end,

Cause nothing can

Separate close friends!

Where are you in the balance,

Do you want defiance to

The regular things,

I am getting high on not

Knowing anything about you,

Just a body like a hobby and

A long drive to get to the heart

Of You,

Find me some balance in the

Late night latte,

Cause I need some sugar to

Stay sweet with you,

Find some balance cause

The end is near and I am worried

I am to late,

To late at loving you.