The Air

Trying to get it right

Late at night,

When you’re

Gone it all 

Goes wrong,

You got the

Cure but no 

One here is


I feel it here,

Days until 

You disappear.

Is it the medicine

Or the thoughts

I think,

It’s the heart,

And its about

To sink.

You threw those

Words around,

No one knew

You stayed 

Close to the


When I am gone,

Do you want me


You know its

Over but you 

Still want me

To come over.

Nothing I do 


And that sadness

I can’t get past.

Souls are coming


But few are

Really found,

Should have gave

You everything

When I was young.

Stayed up late,

Praying against

Hate but love

Wasn’t around,

Cause you left,

And there wasn’t

Anything left.

Are you up in the sky,

Or in the air,

Are you good,

Or is this just


I needed a Father,

Now I worry 

About the future.

Nothing is right

Late at night,

No more departures

Or red eyed flights,

Or bags packed

Like there’s no 

One to love.

Nothing is true

About you

In the air,

You’re King,

And I need

You here.

Late Nights

Its a late night

And another


All those years

Catching the 

Next flight,

I don’t hear 

From you,

Where is 

Here to you.

I don’t run,

I walk,

You’ve been


And its 

Lasting long.

You want to fall

But not to hard,

You want to talk

But barely at all.

Saw you since a kid,

Reading and rehearsing

All the words in red.

Had some faithful days of

Showing up,

No one talked

About growing up.

It’s another late night

Of not getting it right.

Noise and colors on


Am I a blind man,

Forgot about the


Do you still move,

Cause I want to 


Are things looking up,

Or when will I grow up?

Late nights,

Past flights,

Wings and

Wind and we 

All want you to

Change things


I started but I

Am not sure

How its gonna



Forgetting to remember 

How to surrender,

Counting til November 

When life is older,

Wanna go further 

But I can’t stay sober.

Falling asleep to 

Falling in my dreams.

Trying to find you in the 


Forgot what its like

To win.

Everything keeps blowing

As everyone keeps going,

Can’t let anyone know,

That you want to be


Older but still afraid.

This bed is never made,

Lost in the shade,

Underneath your 


Can’t get past the

Bloodstains close

To the floor,

Notes about


Close to the 


I’ve gotten you

All wrong,

No one here

Wants to

Last long.

You had nothing to offer

But money to offer 

As an offering,

We always showed

Up but we never

Learned how to 

Grow up.

The pulpit is the culprit

And anything you say


You wanna know what my 

Heart is about,

But inside it is a 


I am listless over

Making lists

About the changes

You never made.

I used to have fire 

Way back then,

Now we keep going 

Back to those days 

Called then,

You don’t want

Those good times 

To end but

All your friends

Have friends

And being alone

Never ends.

I can’t let it go 

All those things you 

Did in the snow.

Love wasn’t felt,

The water would 


Is your name a


Cause you are the 


And no one here

Knows Your 


Calling it out,

All the times

We doubt,

Heart is a little


And that is


Used to have fire,

Now we get coffee

And talk about


You moved away,

But you never

Got away from

All the thoughts

I think about you,

We let you stay 

Around for free,

But your anger

Was a tragedy.

Still talking like a kid,

All those things you 

Said but never did.

Still losing the thrills

Cause I keep taking

Your pills,

Will try to remember

What it will be like

To surrender,

This land is your 


I know about love

But I forget about

If I forget the past,

I trust You will 

Make this life last.

Episode #141( Book Club BROTHERS VIDEO PODCAST)

I got to do a in person podcast with my Sunday morning book club brothers and it was so fun!

Notes from my podpage: (

Episode #141:

This was a special episode. Got to record this in person in mid December with my book club brothers Jacob, Samuel and Stephen. This past fall of 2022 we all read The Universal Christ by Richard Rohr together. Since then we have stayed and touch and have been developing a brotherhood together.

We go on a journey and talk faith, growing up and reflections on our faith in God. This was a special night of recording and talking and I am so honored to have these brothers in my life and I am excited for the future. I hope you enjoy our talk.

BIO of Jacob:

Jacob Swodeck is a husband, dad, veteran real estate guy, Clippers fan and a learner of all things true. 

Follow Jacob on Instagram:

BIO of Stephen:

Stephen F. Pflücker is a Faith Driven Entrepreneur, comes from the Business Banking world where he has more then 10 years of experience. He grew up as a pastors kid and was heavily involved in the ministry till He left not only His family but also the Things of God. It has been about a year that God got ahold of him. He has chosen to have God at the center of all His relationships and is in the business of Empowering others and growing Gods kingdom for the glory of God.

BIO of Samuel:

Samuel is a thrilled Father of two sons. And brother to Stephen. I love Yeshua and my Father.

I manage short term rentals via Airbnb and am currently studying Hebrew. I have a BA in Theology. Professional table tennis player. Part of an awesome book club.Aspiring chef of Peruvian cuisine.

Follow him on Instagram:

End of Show Notes:

Please email if you would like to be a guest on the podcast.

Please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts:

Follow me on Instagram:

*** call 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. 



Dry Land

Don’t pretend like you know

What this heart is about,

Inside it’s a drought,

It’s still raining out,

Time is moving 


Inside it’s all

Gone wrong.

Falling asleep to 

Falling and

In my dreams

I find some relief.

Spending my days

Driving in a haze,

Working to make

The money,

But inside of me

Is poverty.

Still talking about being a kid,

Like all those times you didn’t

Do those things you said

And you pressed down

On me instead,

You didn’t have anything 

Special to offer me,

We just took that 

Money for the 


We did the 

Sunday show up,

But inside we

Didn’t grow 


Can’t walk it back,

All those nights of

Talking back to

You, you still 

Call like nothing

Has changed,

And we are all

The same.

Everyone around here

Keeps talking about love,

But no one mentions


I can’t follow You until

I am thirsty.

I used to have some fire,
Now all we do is

Talk about desire,

And can you do

That rewire thing

To my brain.

I am falling down,

And its going around,

Some lost don’t
Want to be found,

And your voice is 

Here while you

Aren’t around.

Outside has some 


But try to understand,

Inside of me is 

A dry land.

I used to have some


Now we keep talking

About how it’s over,

And I am going over

All the things I never

Knew how to say to you,

I think it’s to late

To start this again.

I think I stopped on

That step about

Making amends.

I want to be a grown up,

But how do you make

The past burn up?

Who out here has the 

Plan for how to be a man? 

Don’t pretend like you

Know the rain,

Inside the tales 

Are all the same,

Try to understand,

This heart is a

Dry land.


Still coming around
I don’t make a sound
And if I speak it’s not
About you,

I don’t know if it’s true
I can’t be all about you,
I come and go and it’s
I need the company,
You get me on the empty,

I drive and drive
To stay alive,
You want a story,
I need the money,
I’m losing here,
Losing you,
That’s the fear,

Can’t remember
How to remember
What your love was like,
But what we got I
Forgot cause I can’t
Grow or let it go,

Still coming around
Or going down,
Making it up
Or getting out
Before you go around
This mountain town,
Tell everyone you love
The way I look when
I leave.


I am alone when

You’re around,

Cause you barely 

Come around,

You call daily but

Do you want to 

Hear me?

You’re clocking in

On checking in but

I don’t think we are 


Its not your name,

Its the shame,

I show up here but

I am the same,

My life is

Tame and I am

The one to blame.

I am old and

Still afraid.

Older than the 

Last time I told you.

I am sad without you

But being with you was


I got a history 

Of asking you to 

Fix me,

Early mornings

And waking up the same,

Thought you were 

The one that could

Change everything?

I might be wrong

But I want to last 


I don’t think you

See but staying here

Is a mystery,

You’re the doctor,

What about future?

No one seems to 

See that not changing

Is a tragedy,

Greatness is buried

Deep inside of me,

And this pain 

Brings it out of me,

Name change for 

The less tame,

Neither meek nor 


But a steady incline

Toward wild.

Falling Down

Falling down,

Bowing down,

Walking but

Not on the 


We let you stay here

For free,

Now you want a 

Today with me,

All for some


But you never 


You never


Were we poor 

When we 

Wanted more,

Or were you gonna

Change everything?

Bowing down,

But not to you,

There was a cost

To the times you 


We knew the 


Trust for the 


You roamed around,

Like a lion on the


Never wanted you around,

I look down when I walk


The cost of you 

Has caught up 

With me,

I got nothing,

Not even sympathy,

I was trapped inside

With you,

You are gone

And its been long,

Now I am trying to

Be a man and 

You never had

The plan,

Can’t let you know,

I have to let you go.

Pressed Down

Pressing down,

Moving around,

Picking towns,

Where we gonna stay?

You were mad in the 

Rain, and mad in 

The day,

Nothing was safe

With you anyway.

Pressed down 

On me,

I’m trying to grow up 

But got you with me

Like it is always.

Why do you still 

Call today,

Do you

Or do you want to 

Fade away?

I’m going for love

But you give me 


Older now and still 


You know that feeling

Cause you never do 

New things,

Is that why you moved away?

Last names pass down,

But you’re not around,

When I walk I look down,

When I talk I got that 

Sound like I’m hungry

And it’s a pain,

Pressing on like we can’t 

Move on,

I hardly let you know,

It’s to hard to let you go,

But no one here calls 

You when it snows,

And what do you want 

Here anyway,

I can’t stand the silence 

And im older but still 


I am up lately asking 

For a new way,

I’m under your sway,

Do you got the plan

For how to be a man?

Cause all you ever did was

Press down on me,

We can’t live now,

Like this,

Like we like it, 

Like you want things to change,

But all these days feel the same

And who’s to blame, 

I’m pressed down and 

Still in your pain.