Episode #141( Book Club BROTHERS VIDEO PODCAST)

I got to do a in person podcast with my Sunday morning book club brothers and it was so fun!

Notes from my podpage: ( https://www.podpage.com/jared-diehl-the-louder-now-podcast/louder-now-episode-141-our-spiritual-journey-with-the-book-club-brothers-samuel-jacob-and-stephen/)

Episode #141:

This was a special episode. Got to record this in person in mid December with my book club brothers Jacob, Samuel and Stephen. This past fall of 2022 we all read The Universal Christ by Richard Rohr together. Since then we have stayed and touch and have been developing a brotherhood together.

We go on a journey and talk faith, growing up and reflections on our faith in God. This was a special night of recording and talking and I am so honored to have these brothers in my life and I am excited for the future. I hope you enjoy our talk.

BIO of Jacob:

Jacob Swodeck is a husband, dad, veteran real estate guy, Clippers fan and a learner of all things true. 

Follow Jacob on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jacobswodeck/

BIO of Stephen:

Stephen F. Pflücker is a Faith Driven Entrepreneur, comes from the Business Banking world where he has more then 10 years of experience. He grew up as a pastors kid and was heavily involved in the ministry till He left not only His family but also the Things of God. It has been about a year that God got ahold of him. He has chosen to have God at the center of all His relationships and is in the business of Empowering others and growing Gods kingdom for the glory of God. 


BIO of Samuel:

Samuel is a thrilled Father of two sons. And brother to Stephen. I love Yeshua and my Father.

I manage short term rentals via Airbnb and am currently studying Hebrew. I have a BA in Theology. Professional table tennis player. Part of an awesome book club.Aspiring chef of Peruvian cuisine.

Follow him on Instagram:


End of Show Notes:

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*** call 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. 



Dry Land

Don’t pretend like you know

What this heart is about,

Inside it’s a drought,

It’s still raining out,

Time is moving 


Inside it’s all

Gone wrong.

Falling asleep to 

Falling and

In my dreams

I find some relief.

Spending my days

Driving in a haze,

Working to make

The money,

But inside of me

Is poverty.

Still talking about being a kid,

Like all those times you didn’t

Do those things you said

And you pressed down

On me instead,

You didn’t have anything 

Special to offer me,

We just took that 

Money for the 


We did the 

Sunday show up,

But inside we

Didn’t grow 


Can’t walk it back,

All those nights of

Talking back to

You, you still 

Call like nothing

Has changed,

And we are all

The same.

Everyone around here

Keeps talking about love,

But no one mentions


I can’t follow You until

I am thirsty.

I used to have some fire,
Now all we do is

Talk about desire,

And can you do

That rewire thing

To my brain.

I am falling down,

And its going around,

Some lost don’t
Want to be found,

And your voice is 

Here while you

Aren’t around.

Outside has some 


But try to understand,

Inside of me is 

A dry land.

I used to have some


Now we keep talking

About how it’s over,

And I am going over

All the things I never

Knew how to say to you,

I think it’s to late

To start this again.

I think I stopped on

That step about

Making amends.

I want to be a grown up,

But how do you make

The past burn up?

Who out here has the 

Plan for how to be a man? 

Don’t pretend like you

Know the rain,

Inside the tales 

Are all the same,

Try to understand,

This heart is a

Dry land.


Still coming around
I don’t make a sound
And if I speak it’s not
About you,

I don’t know if it’s true
I can’t be all about you,
I come and go and it’s
I need the company,
You get me on the empty,

I drive and drive
To stay alive,
You want a story,
I need the money,
I’m losing here,
Losing you,
That’s the fear,

Can’t remember
How to remember
What your love was like,
But what we got I
Forgot cause I can’t
Grow or let it go,

Still coming around
Or going down,
Making it up
Or getting out
Before you go around
This mountain town,
Tell everyone you love
The way I look when
I leave.


I am alone when

You’re around,

Cause you barely 

Come around,

You call daily but

Do you want to 

Hear me?

You’re clocking in

On checking in but

I don’t think we are 


Its not your name,

Its the shame,

I show up here but

I am the same,

My life is

Tame and I am

The one to blame.

I am old and

Still afraid.

Older than the 

Last time I told you.

I am sad without you

But being with you was


I got a history 

Of asking you to 

Fix me,

Early mornings

And waking up the same,

Thought you were 

The one that could

Change everything?

I might be wrong

But I want to last 


I don’t think you

See but staying here

Is a mystery,

You’re the doctor,

What about future?

No one seems to 

See that not changing

Is a tragedy,

Greatness is buried

Deep inside of me,

And this pain 

Brings it out of me,

Name change for 

The less tame,

Neither meek nor 


But a steady incline

Toward wild.

Falling Down

Falling down,

Bowing down,

Walking but

Not on the 


We let you stay here

For free,

Now you want a 

Today with me,

All for some


But you never 


You never


Were we poor 

When we 

Wanted more,

Or were you gonna

Change everything?

Bowing down,

But not to you,

There was a cost

To the times you 


We knew the 


Trust for the 


You roamed around,

Like a lion on the


Never wanted you around,

I look down when I walk


The cost of you 

Has caught up 

With me,

I got nothing,

Not even sympathy,

I was trapped inside

With you,

You are gone

And its been long,

Now I am trying to

Be a man and 

You never had

The plan,

Can’t let you know,

I have to let you go.

Pressed Down

Pressing down,

Moving around,

Picking towns,

Where we gonna stay?

You were mad in the 

Rain, and mad in 

The day,

Nothing was safe

With you anyway.

Pressed down 

On me,

I’m trying to grow up 

But got you with me

Like it is always.

Why do you still 

Call today,

Do you

Or do you want to 

Fade away?

I’m going for love

But you give me 


Older now and still 


You know that feeling

Cause you never do 

New things,

Is that why you moved away?

Last names pass down,

But you’re not around,

When I walk I look down,

When I talk I got that 

Sound like I’m hungry

And it’s a pain,

Pressing on like we can’t 

Move on,

I hardly let you know,

It’s to hard to let you go,

But no one here calls 

You when it snows,

And what do you want 

Here anyway,

I can’t stand the silence 

And im older but still 


I am up lately asking 

For a new way,

I’m under your sway,

Do you got the plan

For how to be a man?

Cause all you ever did was

Press down on me,

We can’t live now,

Like this,

Like we like it, 

Like you want things to change,

But all these days feel the same

And who’s to blame, 

I’m pressed down and 

Still in your pain. 

Logging On

Started the year with clarity.

This life has been scarcity,

And I still dream of ways to


Are you good? Do you know

What I think about?

What did you pass down

To me? Was it eyes and

Tragedy, cause I know how 

I see things now.

You used to stay at home,

On your chair like it was 

A throne,

Did you rule the air? 

Cause we felt the fear,

And we never wanted

You here.

Logging in to see if anyone


Cause these pictures of us

Keep it safe to say,

We left you and your 


When did it start for you,

The days of rage and 

Wanting the stage.

I was at the center of

Your eyes,

And it wasn’t worth

Your attention.

All I wanted was to want

Some kind of get away,

Had to listen to your voice

Still not a choice I choose,

But I can still feel the abuse.

Slayed like man in hunger,

The thirst started when we

Were younger,

Give me more,

Or give me power,

Is your name really 

A high tower?

Cause I am still

Running from the 

Things you did to me.

Time passed

And we passed

The hour glass,

Adults now and

Free to go,

No more of you

In your chair in 

Our home,

Falling down now,

Back to you somehow,

Hunger for more,

Your shoes not

On this floor,

Will we ever stop talking

About the way you were?

And the flames still


Can I ever be sure,

Or just burn for the 

Things You say,

Am I the man I was

When I was with you? 

Logging in to see how

The love plays out,

Less has become more

And I am on the floor,

Walking to another day.

Slow Again

Slow Again

Calling again,

Do you need a friend?

Are you single, 

Is that now, or 

Back then.

You had to stay next to me

When I wanted to go,

I had you fast and quickly,

It was close but never slow.

Spring time came,

I was to blame,

I never saved your 

Number with your name,

Had to run when I 

Should have stayed.

Saved you in my mind,

Did the time,

Tried to remember

It’s hard to forget

All the times I saw

You and it wasn’t

A shadow, it was

Full throttle,

Calling again,

Cause you found a 

New friend,

And you want to

Start this again.

Don’t know what you mean

When you say you want me,

I have some memories of

Those days,

But lately its been a haze.

Did you love me,

Or will you leave me?

I am quick to say

I can’t go slow again,

If you call again,

Don’t call me a friend.

Another Night

Won’t be the last night

I try to do right,

Got you as a memory,

Close to me,

Was it love,

Or just your body?

How many months

Are you gonna keep

It like this?

Do you like

Being liked after


Burning the miles

To find a way to


Are you low on

Being alone,

Are you tired of

That home,

Piles of things

You can’t let

Go of,

Things to move

Out of the way,

Why are you

Like this,

Is the night


Do you want

Another night

To get it right?

Will this be the last time


Or do you like the hollow


I’ve tried to say no,

And a little of the
Let go,

But I can’t let

You know,

I don’t know how to go slow,

I am listless

Over making lists,

Changes and things 

To rearrange,

Or the sound I make

When I stay the same,

The last time I saw you

I was leaving,

And you were


In all I was 


I can’t love you today,

That’s on the shelf,

I can’t sleep next to you

Any day, and anyway

Are you the one,

Or is this done?

This won’t be the last night

That I call you to get it right,

I miss the things you never

Did say,

Now I am a lover but I am 

In the way,

Lost in the sound of 

The hollow ground,

Cause soon enough

You will have had enough

And you will forget that love

For you was on my lips,

If I say you will stay,

And is that what you 

Want, another night

Where its this way?