Middle Days

Got me in the middle of

Things,

Made me remember

How I forgot about you,

Moved away,

Got away,

Under the sway,

Are you evil,

Or did you try to love me?

Trying to do things now,

Trying to be a man,

Do you understand?

Posted the pics,

Got the clicks,

Can’t unsee what

I have seen,

Looking for the clean,

Are you the one for the 

Job? 

Got me in the middle of

Rearranging,

Cause the middle calls

To me,

The middle of the night

When I used to live

For you,

Pacing days,

Praying days,

Glory in the ways,

Adored you when

I was young,

Took notes on how

To be a man,

Now I don’t understand.

In the middle of summer,

That has past,

In the middle of my past

I had you for the at last,

Middle damage done,

What have you become?

I try to sleep and

I try to remember you,

Eyes closed back to 

The middle days,

I am fading,

And soon could 

Be soon,

What do you remember

Now?

Fixing Things

Back at it again,

To broken things needing

To get fixed,

Trying for the fast lane,

Wandering with the insane,

3 years since you had me

Locked in,

3 years since the looney

Bin,

White halls and empty

Prophets,

How many times did they

Cast something out of me?

Or pray not so softly,

Are we still talking about

This?

I got some hurts you can’t 

Heal,

No sorrow comes with 

Those pills,

Medicine isn’t gonna

Change the way you 

Were to me

Living in the fast lane,

Afraid to rest at night,

Isn’t your job to 

Give some peace,

I am not at ease,

Will I ever be? 

I’ve been locked away,

Never early,

Late to waking up,

Late to growing up,

Do you have the plan,

The plan for how to be 

A man?

I paced and walked and

Fell over screaming,

Had this whole place

Making recommendations.

I am just a patient,

Locked away,

Plugged in so you 

Stay away,

Loveless when I walk,

Cold at night,

How many more years are we

Gonna do this?

You had a chance,

A chance with me,

Young and fragile,

Now all my friends

Have friends,

And I still can’t 

Make amends,

Here we are again,

At it again,

Fixing broken things.

Louder Now Episode #121

Louder Now Episode #121 ****

Hello friends, welcome back to the podcast. This was the first time I have talked with Doctors on this show and it was wonderful. We talk personal stories of overcoming trauma and we get into forgiveness, faith and even some talk about psychedelics. Also, much more .

I loved having them on the podcast and hope to do part 2 in the future.

BIO: Drs. May and Tim Hindmarsh 

Drs. Tim and May Hindmarsh are a dynamic dual physician couple, having a blast doing life together. They are also the hosts of BS FREE MD Podcast. Both are Board Certified Family Practice physicians, currently practicing Urgent Care. Both have over 28 years of diverse experience in family practice, hospital medicine, obstetrics and urgent care. 

Born and raised in Canada, they met in Medical School then graduated from University of Saskatchewan in Saskatoon, SK in 1992 and married 4 days later. 

Both completed Family Medicine Residency at the University of Alberta, Edmonton in 1994 and soon after immigrated to Oregon where they have been practicing ever since. They worked under Samaritan Health Services in the Willamette Valley, OR for 25 years. While there, Tim accrued almost 20 years experience in Utilization Management. He has been on numerous committees and boards including Samaritan Health Board of Directors, (a 5 hospital multispecialty integrated health network). He has served on Pharmacy and Therapeutics, Credentialing, Management Council , Physicians Board and was Medical Director for Twin Oaks Care Center. 

In 2021 they ventured into the private world of Medicine, helping establish Ridgeway Health, a local private Urgent Care Clinic. Both have been frontline physicians during the Covid Pandemic, working almost exclusively in Covid Clinics 2020-2022. 

They both believe in serving the community you are in. While rural medicine has been their main mission field, they have served internationally. May also was Medical Director for StarFish Medical Ministries from 2009-2012. 

In 2021 they launched BS FREE MD Podcast They are passionate and love laughing at their medical experiences as well as getting into serious discussions on the issues in healthcare today. Never boring, they bring a lighter approach to the often mundane Medical world. 

As a successfully married couple for almost 30 years, they have an honest and real discussion about what makes a relationship work, dual physician family struggles and raising great adults. Their motto for success in work/

life balance is: The 4 F’s to success- Faith, Family, Finances, Fun. They bring a raw, real, fun approach to life and their adventures. Described as a “ gas and brake” experience, this lively couple is always on the go. Tim received the Governor’s Award for Contribution to Physical Fitness (Oregon) -2008 and the OHSU Award for Contribution to Rural Healthcare 2006 Founder of ‘Act Alive’- Decathlon of Extreme Sports in 24 hours, raising money and awareness for their hospital foundation Tim is happy to tackle controversial topics in healthcare and challenge the status quo. From Covid to Opioid Crisis , managed care to risk assessment- almost no topic in healthcare is off limits. 

May has overcome eating disorders through marriage and residency, postpartum depression, struggled with imposter syndrome and career regret. As a migraine warrior and autoimmune patient, she is a tough 

“overcomer”. She embraces women’s health issues AND life as a high achieving female professional.

Visit their website: https://bsfreemd.com/

Follow them on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bsfreemd/

Here is the book that Dr. Tim mentions toward the end of the show: 

End of Show NOTES:

National Suicide Prevention Hotline:

1-800-273-8255

For support groups:

Follow Louder Now on Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/theloudernowpodcast/

Email jared.diehl@gmail.com if you have questions or comment

Control

What do I get back from loving you?

Putting you on pause,

Asking because

You are way out there

And I am close in here,

Pills are still taking,

Something is taken,

Are we all mistaken,

Pain in the way I talk

With you, better off

Inside this head,

World is ahead,

And living is for 

The taking,

What do I gain from loving you?

I lose all my soul,

All control,

All is a loss and

All is hostile.

I’ve waited on your call

Late into the evening,

Here to say:

Why can’t we stay even?

I am undressing the things

I have seen and I can’t 

Erase what I have done,

I put you on display,

Hid the things that

Never should be

Hidden,

What do I find now where

I can’t find anything at all?

I feel death is the call,

You want it all,

Never did you once 

Ask for a little part of

This soul,

I can’t give you the

Control,

Now I have a soul

And it is screaming,

I have written many notes

To the world and lately

Hopeless words fill the pages,

Are you the future we want,

Waiting for the one we need?

I am gaining you

And losing the control,

Cause love is a 

All consuming flame!

Coming Down

Your coming down on me,

You never were up high anyway,

Days have wasted away,

Summer is here and your love

Isn’t near,

I am burning and 

Earning the way I feel,

Asking you to make a list,

Working it, now listless, 

Are we regular, or

More than that? 

Hopeless notes I leave to

Myself,

Dreams up on the shelf,

Now I reading the things

You tell me,

Where’s the mystery?

We used to have history,

I am coming down with

Something, I am addicted to

Being a regular man,

One that slides by and

Has no demands.

I am asking for more

But am I ready?

Death on the radio

Plays daily and I can only

Hear the bullets in the 

Distance,

Summer is resistance

And I am good with

Burning up on my own.

I want a home,

But this is a house

And we are strangers

Here,

You are coming down,

Soon and sooner than

We want! No one says

Its here or there, we 

All say its a nevermind

Kind of story,

I am coming down on

The way I talk to myself,

Hopeless notes and dreams

Of things we never did do,

I am lost and that’s because

I don’t know You,

You are coming down,

Coming down on the things

I need, writing notes of love

And mercy instead of

Tragedy,

I am coming down with

Something to, I am getting

Out of this town and

All the things that are blue.

Still Burning

Getting closer now,

Closer to the floor,

There is more and

This soul knows it,

When will I own it?

My whole life and the

Way I chose to love you,

You keep me up now,

And never is never a 

Thing you would say,

Short summers of love

All for you, now we are

Burning with the old 

Heat from when we 

Were kids,

Always leaving,

but  always staying inside

This heart of mine,

I know you can’t be the 

One we replace,

I had a summer ache,

Cops in blue chasing

Black capes in streets

Like a que,

I am still the same man

That needs you,

I want to know you better,

Better than midnights

And hotel fights,

I call you but I’d rather

Be close to you,

I am burning

And its all for you,

Eyes and hooks

And we all follow

Now! You are light

And that is the 

Only part of me that

Feels right.

Balance

Trying to balance with you,

Getting resistance in blue,

Do I know you, or just pretend to?

Latte in the late night,

Are you really the one

I am drinking, do you 

Know what I am really thinking?

Words divide this flesh,

Brain is a mesh from

All the pills,

Lost the thrills,

And now you tell me

How you’ve been living

All along,

What am I doing wrong,

Are you the God of dead 

Things?

Trying to find balance,

But really I am poor,

I am death knocking at

Your door,

Do you save if I go high up?

And how high do I gotta go 

For you to find me,

Save me,

Know me,

Cause I am not the one

You are drinking,

Do you know what I am

Really thinking?

What will happen when

We stop the late night

Conversations,

Are you coming or going?

When will this end,

Cause nothing can

Separate close friends!

Where are you in the balance,

Do you want defiance to

The regular things,

I am getting high on not

Knowing anything about you,

Just a body like a hobby and

A long drive to get to the heart

Of You,

Find me some balance in the

Late night latte,

Cause I need some sugar to

Stay sweet with you,

Find some balance cause

The end is near and I am worried

I am to late,

To late at loving you.

Blue

Feeling blue,

Cause I don’t know You,

You were always leaving,

We were never living,

Preacher says, ” You got to 

Get to giving, it leads to 

Loving!”,

I can’t hear your words 

Clearly, love is a rarely,

You keep calling me 

In the evening mostly 

To get even,

I’m barely seeing you for 

What you are worth,

Your location is out of 

Reach,

And im not here to 

Teach you how to stay 

Close to me,

Feeling blue,

Cause I know what to say 

But not what to do,

I’m crawling sometimes

Trying to find you,

You are dressing up for me,

Beauty is a rarely,

I’ve lost the mystery,

Now we smoke in the 

Evening,

Is this getting uneven?

I’m blue cause I know 

Your body,

Its a hobby,

But who are you when 

You are with me?

I’m blue and it’s making a dent,

Are You just,.

Are you True,

Do you have the blueprint 

To this chaos?

I can’t live like this,

Always in the distance,

I know what to say when you ask 

Me what kind of life I want to live!

I’m blue cause I’ve wasted 

Time not loving You!

Uneven

Yeast and leaven,

A little for the evening,

Loving you is uneven,

Calling you, asking you

Are you ever gonna change?

Fall, Winter, Summer and some

More days,

Are you all in when I am around,

Or just with your friends when

You are downtown?

Slow surrender and we are still

Burning,

Falling over, bowing down,

Got you looking for escape,

Heart worthy of aches,

Can’t find you til the 

Morning,

Now I am mourning.

Solving your problems,

Smoking cigarettes

With smiles and indents

On my face,

Driving for miles with no 

Talking, looking for the 

Smoking and Valentine’s 

Day parade I made for 

You,

Are you sad, or mad when
I can’t stay the night?

Wrong or right or 

Even some hate?

Coming at me like the 

Leaven,

Loving you is uneven,

Can’t call back for the

Seven days in a week,

Got me weak in the 

Evening, nothing 

Here is even,

Hobbies and
Bodies, I can’t erase

The pain I have seen,

Not trying to be mean,

But I can’t stay forever,

A little in the leaven,

Running is uneven,

Even in the evening,

Loving you is still

Uneven.

Noise

Is it Gospel when you speak,

Or is it money you seek?

The pulpit is the culprit,

And we stopped listening 

A long time ago,

I wanted the power you

Displayed,

Then we are dismayed,

You weren’t the man we 

Wanted,

Now, what do you want?

Looking back,

Burying dead for your own,

Living headless with no home,

When will you be gone,

Anytime soon?

Are you the man we seek,

Or is it just energy for the weak,

When I am having parties 

I don’t think of you,

Poverty all over this town,

Asking for a new sound,

Louder now than we 

Were back then,

Is it Gospel when You speak?

I know its money you seek,

I am dying and you are lying,

Caves and crawling,

Are you the one with the 

Demons,

Are you shouting and 

We aren’t listening,

Noise and cymbals,

Is it just symbols?

Love is painting behind you,

Fading is the story of this place,

I can’t stop from coming,

A man that is listening,

Cymbals and symbols,

When will this noise come

To an end?