Coming Down

Your coming down on me,

You never were up high anyway,

Days have wasted away,

Summer is here and your love

Isn’t near,

I am burning and 

Earning the way I feel,

Asking you to make a list,

Working it, now listless, 

Are we regular, or

More than that? 

Hopeless notes I leave to

Myself,

Dreams up on the shelf,

Now I reading the things

You tell me,

Where’s the mystery?

We used to have history,

I am coming down with

Something, I am addicted to

Being a regular man,

One that slides by and

Has no demands.

I am asking for more

But am I ready?

Death on the radio

Plays daily and I can only

Hear the bullets in the 

Distance,

Summer is resistance

And I am good with

Burning up on my own.

I want a home,

But this is a house

And we are strangers

Here,

You are coming down,

Soon and sooner than

We want! No one says

Its here or there, we 

All say its a nevermind

Kind of story,

I am coming down on

The way I talk to myself,

Hopeless notes and dreams

Of things we never did do,

I am lost and that’s because

I don’t know You,

You are coming down,

Coming down on the things

I need, writing notes of love

And mercy instead of

Tragedy,

I am coming down with

Something to, I am getting

Out of this town and

All the things that are blue.

Still Burning

Getting closer now,

Closer to the floor,

There is more and

This soul knows it,

When will I own it?

My whole life and the

Way I chose to love you,

You keep me up now,

And never is never a 

Thing you would say,

Short summers of love

All for you, now we are

Burning with the old 

Heat from when we 

Were kids,

Always leaving,

but  always staying inside

This heart of mine,

I know you can’t be the 

One we replace,

I had a summer ache,

Cops in blue chasing

Black capes in streets

Like a que,

I am still the same man

That needs you,

I want to know you better,

Better than midnights

And hotel fights,

I call you but I’d rather

Be close to you,

I am burning

And its all for you,

Eyes and hooks

And we all follow

Now! You are light

And that is the 

Only part of me that

Feels right.

Balance

Trying to balance with you,

Getting resistance in blue,

Do I know you, or just pretend to?

Latte in the late night,

Are you really the one

I am drinking, do you 

Know what I am really thinking?

Words divide this flesh,

Brain is a mesh from

All the pills,

Lost the thrills,

And now you tell me

How you’ve been living

All along,

What am I doing wrong,

Are you the God of dead 

Things?

Trying to find balance,

But really I am poor,

I am death knocking at

Your door,

Do you save if I go high up?

And how high do I gotta go 

For you to find me,

Save me,

Know me,

Cause I am not the one

You are drinking,

Do you know what I am

Really thinking?

What will happen when

We stop the late night

Conversations,

Are you coming or going?

When will this end,

Cause nothing can

Separate close friends!

Where are you in the balance,

Do you want defiance to

The regular things,

I am getting high on not

Knowing anything about you,

Just a body like a hobby and

A long drive to get to the heart

Of You,

Find me some balance in the

Late night latte,

Cause I need some sugar to

Stay sweet with you,

Find some balance cause

The end is near and I am worried

I am to late,

To late at loving you.

Blue

Feeling blue,

Cause I don’t know You,

You were always leaving,

We were never living,

Preacher says, ” You got to 

Get to giving, it leads to 

Loving!”,

I can’t hear your words 

Clearly, love is a rarely,

You keep calling me 

In the evening mostly 

To get even,

I’m barely seeing you for 

What you are worth,

Your location is out of 

Reach,

And im not here to 

Teach you how to stay 

Close to me,

Feeling blue,

Cause I know what to say 

But not what to do,

I’m crawling sometimes

Trying to find you,

You are dressing up for me,

Beauty is a rarely,

I’ve lost the mystery,

Now we smoke in the 

Evening,

Is this getting uneven?

I’m blue cause I know 

Your body,

Its a hobby,

But who are you when 

You are with me?

I’m blue and it’s making a dent,

Are You just,.

Are you True,

Do you have the blueprint 

To this chaos?

I can’t live like this,

Always in the distance,

I know what to say when you ask 

Me what kind of life I want to live!

I’m blue cause I’ve wasted 

Time not loving You!

Uneven

Yeast and leaven,

A little for the evening,

Loving you is uneven,

Calling you, asking you

Are you ever gonna change?

Fall, Winter, Summer and some

More days,

Are you all in when I am around,

Or just with your friends when

You are downtown?

Slow surrender and we are still

Burning,

Falling over, bowing down,

Got you looking for escape,

Heart worthy of aches,

Can’t find you til the 

Morning,

Now I am mourning.

Solving your problems,

Smoking cigarettes

With smiles and indents

On my face,

Driving for miles with no 

Talking, looking for the 

Smoking and Valentine’s 

Day parade I made for 

You,

Are you sad, or mad when
I can’t stay the night?

Wrong or right or 

Even some hate?

Coming at me like the 

Leaven,

Loving you is uneven,

Can’t call back for the

Seven days in a week,

Got me weak in the 

Evening, nothing 

Here is even,

Hobbies and
Bodies, I can’t erase

The pain I have seen,

Not trying to be mean,

But I can’t stay forever,

A little in the leaven,

Running is uneven,

Even in the evening,

Loving you is still

Uneven.

Noise

Is it Gospel when you speak,

Or is it money you seek?

The pulpit is the culprit,

And we stopped listening 

A long time ago,

I wanted the power you

Displayed,

Then we are dismayed,

You weren’t the man we 

Wanted,

Now, what do you want?

Looking back,

Burying dead for your own,

Living headless with no home,

When will you be gone,

Anytime soon?

Are you the man we seek,

Or is it just energy for the weak,

When I am having parties 

I don’t think of you,

Poverty all over this town,

Asking for a new sound,

Louder now than we 

Were back then,

Is it Gospel when You speak?

I know its money you seek,

I am dying and you are lying,

Caves and crawling,

Are you the one with the 

Demons,

Are you shouting and 

We aren’t listening,

Noise and cymbals,

Is it just symbols?

Love is painting behind you,

Fading is the story of this place,

I can’t stop from coming,

A man that is listening,

Cymbals and symbols,

When will this noise come

To an end?

Ready

Not ready for you to go,

Not ready for you to know,

All I have wanted to say

Is let you know that

I cannot let go,

The phone rings and

Your voice stings,

Voicemails pile up,

And you haven’t changed,

Same old love that

We never got,

Souls set to rot,

Are we forgotten,

Am I ready to remember,

Every December what kind

Of Christmas will we get,

Did you bring gifts,

Or a fit,

And rage on this blank

Page,

When I fall asleep I see your face,

I can’t leave this place cause this

House is cheap and I am here to 

Stay,

No one wants me to leave anytime

Soon, I show up and say I am 

Not leaving, but do they know,

I am also not living!

I escape a little when I see you,

And I can’t wish for things to change,

Are we waiting,

Or are we wishing,

Cause you were never giving,

Now we should be quitting,

Circles of chairs and words on pages,

I am not ready to stay and I am

Ready to go,

Ready for departure,

Cause you were a broken father,

And now we got to get to living,

Are you ready for that?

Drinking

Late night and back to you,

Again and again,

Late in this thinking,

What are you drinking?

Is it the water you are

Chasing? 

Dead or is it living? 

Walking in circles,

Always pacing,

When we talk is

It magic in the 

Listening,

Cause all I keep hearing

Are the things we are saying,

When will we change our ways,

And get it going new,

Cause all I got these

Days are visions of You!

I am not leaving,

But I am not living!

And the only way to
Move is to die,

Surrender, die,

And surrender,

Again in my thinking,

The fullness,

The fullness is what I 

Am drinking!

Regret Much?

Hey friends, how are you? I can’t even pinpoint when the last time it was that I wrote a post like this. I am alive and I do exist. This blog started in 2007 when I was 21 years old and I was in the peak of ministry time in Kansas City. The blog has not died and I love that I have never taken it down or deleted it. It is similar to videos that I have made and even though a lot of that stuff has been lost some things remain.

I don’t want to be young again but sometimes I want a redo on decisions and choices. I am a follower of the faith. The Christ faith. The word Christian and go to church makes most of you cringe. The pandemic has made many fall away from the faith and by ‘fall away’ I mean stay at home in sweats and watch online..ha ha..just kidding! I am not here to point out what you already know. You know the world has been absolute chaos and 2 years ago we were at the start of a wild time. So, how am I doing now?

I don’t really want to write a long post on me. If you want to catch up on some things listen to the Louder Now Podcast.

I want to surrender. For a couple of years I have attended Celebrate Recovery. We call it Celebrate Life at Humanity Church. I want to press into more of God and more Jesus flowing in my life. I have had many reasons to walk away from the faith. All the reasons have to do with mental ilnness but I haven’t. I want to give it all. What keeps me up at night is this burning desire. A desire to live wholeheartedly. A desire to not waste time. A desire to make an impact. A desire for greatness!

Do you do this to? Have you stopped or tuned out these thoughts? Are we now at a place where the desperations of the past that we could call hunger has faded. It has faded because no one can be trusted. No leader. No system. No freedom. No one can be trusted. What is true and who do we follow?

I don’t want to regret much but I do. I can’t change the past and I can’t unstuck myself at times. I am weighed down with the grief of certain choices as it reflects in my last poem Clear Land.

Love is the cure and living in total surrender is how we fight the regret. Time is your greatest commodity. Use it wisely. However, the fear of being perfect is also an illusion. It is not about making perfect choices. It is about reaching towards the one who is perfect and letting Him lead you. Have you faded away? Have you stopped showing up? Do you regret saying no more than saying yes! There is hope. I urge you and myself. Surrender. 100 percent. Surrender.