I have a new Blog for my Louder Now Podcast. This is from that.
Category: MIND AND BRAIN
Hills
Making a comeback. A lot on my mind. A lot going on in life.
To feel again,
To find you again,
I knew just hallways,
And corner spaces,
And scared places,
If these halls had hills
They would be alive to..
If I live open then you can see me,
You can see all of me,
And there is no going back,
Going back to living in the the black,
Rich and slightly famous,
How many people asked about me
When I was gone?
How many texts and tweets did I get,
Even more so when I was steady
And hungry,
Only in poverty did you come
Running after me,
To feel again,
To steal again,
The moments made by sunsets,
Now I can stay up and see them,
Now I can stay up and receive them.
If these halls had hills,
They would be alive to,
They would be high too,
They would be all about you.
Stop this cycle
and this roundabout,
Show me what mercy is about,
Cause that is all I need from You
Today.
Interlude- Body
Body of yours,
This life of poise,
This world of noise.
This place I cover,
This place I hover,
Anger you stored up,
Wrath for the hungry,
Treasures for the lonely,
Are you telling me to stop,
Or are you telling me to stay?
Body of yours,
White and pale,
Snow and hail,
Rain and reign,
Are you still king?
Are you still the rearrange?
Cause we never had furniture,
Cause we worried about future,
Cause we needed new furniture,
Cause we can’t change future.
Seated on us,
Seated within us,
This life is poise,
This world of noise,
I am crying out and loud,
Time is going by,
Time is flying by,
Are you still as loud as you used to be?
Is noise what we need,
Or are you louder than you should be,
Is noise what you reign on in the rain,
Is this the last time I talk about things
I don’t do.
Tell me,
Body,
Body expand,
Body of land,
Don’t let this body fall apart.
Why are you?
I have had this blog for over 11 to 12ish years> Jan. 2007 to January 2020..isn’t that 13 years?
Time is flying by. Time is crunched with family tributes and pain and all things in between. Goodness just comes and goes, but so does reflection and so does what I call remembering.
Why are you never around?
When I walk up, and make a loud sound.
I parked it in reverse,
For a quick traverse down your
Regret,
I had the Phil Collins in Fort Collins,
I had the hockey in the grind,
And in the sign called stop,
And the days of IHOP,
Not the food, but the mood,
Dampened with darkness,
Called the harness of the end,
Called be a messenger,
Be the harbinger,
Be the loudest of the voices,
I called it Ruckus from a young age,
When I had to share a home with you,
When you were in the purview,
I had the best view,
I had the mountain view.
When we were just young,
When we weren’t to strong.
You fled away,
Out of L.A.
Grabbed a spot by the Venice,
By the beach,
By the places that were out of reach.
I had high school,
Some girl named Rachel,
Some fan club friends,
Some midnight dead ends,
Some laughter that turned to
Rage,
Rage that crafted another page,
Another story,
Another glory we would chase!
When I was called,
You didn’t answer,
Why are you never around?
Why are you making me still,
Make this loud sound,
Am I not enough for this walk?
Are you parked in reverse,
Just like me?
Or you slowly, and steady,
Are you riding out the last days
Like they aren’t coming soon enough?
I, too, have been called,
Was taught to closely
About the end things,
And closing times,
And battle cries we call
Revelation! We call horses
And pale and white colors!
We call seals, and trumpets
And bowls!
You were called to
When noise was never turned down,
When all you wanted
Was reverse,
Was backwards,
Was the rapture,
And the final password.
Why are you around?
Why are You still a loud
Sound?
Bullet Points
- Coming off the high of making a Podcast and making progress.
- Living by this quote, “It is time to do the things you should be doing..” ( from UNFUCK YOURSELF by Gary John Bishop)
- Using change to pay for coffee.
- Facing facts that are facts.
- Googling which diseases I might have.
- Upon watching 6 seasons of ARROW, I conclude that everyone who is as heroic and self-loathing as Oliver Queen needs the wisdom of John Diggle. That is real friendship. #balance #brotherhood
- I told myself I would stay up late tonight working on things that matter and those things are deep and personal and have to do with mental health.
- This list should be longer
Sit With
Saga/ West/ Wild
Saga….
Crave adventure, don’t you?
Moved away, didn’t you?
Palo Alto, is that so?
Left in the snow, is that truth?
Are you cold, are you solo,
Are you a no go?
Dear, someone,
Is what I needed to say,
Are you the one that got away,
Are you the saga we were starting,
And the steady sound of beginning.
Am I hidden, hidden in Christ, with words
You call thrice,
And three days it took for You to raise up!
Crave adventure..
I thought so..
Left for Palo Alto,
Now I really know.
You were the one on the long list,
The long list of those I met in the West.
It was here, it was wind, it was like you
Were blown away from the end.
Crave tomorrow…
Yes, I thought so, how did you know?
This had to be wild or not true,
Because now you got a mountain view,
And lions to catch and chase, and sun that you won’t miss…
I blow you a kiss,
And keep it on that beach,
Where you were in some reach,
And far from the breach.
It was wild, it was the west that you won,
And north is fun and further from the truth.
You need this saga as proof.
Are in the middle of a longer story,
Or are you the one that ends with it here?
There is trembling, there is fear, this is something
Waiting for next time…