The Change

We write our New Year’s resolutions but we had them all along. Each year is progress…

I got a long list rolling around in the back of my mind,
Pulled up to the front,
Burning in a rut,
Stuck on some structure you never gave,
And a new life,
I have to cave,
And go back,
Again,
To hyped up nights on the edge,
To find some lights to follow,
While the dark could swallow.
3 years later, we are still at it,
I mean a longer list that you have made,
At the top was the love that we lost,
And the hype around this thing called
Forever,
I got stuck,
Stuck in different beds
In different nights,
In the same kind of fight.
All I’ve known is the road,
And tires,
And mysteries,
And darkness,
And hotels with no
Windows,
And all the while I was
Caved in..
Not better,
Not worse,
Not the same,
Not the blame.
But now I am different,
Now I am shallow,
Now I am out of the hallow
They name,
And into something else
You claim..
I am into not being the same,
And forever change.
I got a longer list rolling around in my
Mind,
A longer list of all the things that I need
To change.
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Wed..

To wed,

To Wendsday,

To today,

This isn’t a new year without Your

Resolution.

I am not certain I have built something

You would like.

I am not certain these thoughts have been

All about You.

I am certain that the years past have not

Been all about You.

If I was to lock it in

Like one would do at a wedding,

I would have to say I can’t, not today, not now.

All this commitment floating around me,

All this free wedding photography.

Yes, I too, have captured your moments for you.

I, too, said I would and I said I would do it for free.

I am not certain I would do that again,

Film and shoot and shout it out,

Tell your story, and do it for free?

I am not certain I am ready for free,

Or even ready to charge you a fee.

I am only certain I want to something

Else,

Something of a wed, on a Wednesday,

These are uncertain thoughts.

Happy 2019!

First Time

It wouldn’t be your first time deleting that,

Pressing completed,

Pressing deleted.

Waited for thoughts to form,

For the bad form,

For the last time to be the

First time.

I don’t regret anything,

Just all the things that still

Linger, that still feel like

Danger,

Cause I am scared,

Like I have been before.

Teacher said, ” Writing is showing,

Not telling,”

I don’t know how to show,

Not just yet.

This won’t be the first time

I tell, it won’t be the last either.

Everything called ‘Show,’

Well, that is to be continued..

Day #59 – Almost

Almost the end,

Of the day,

Of the dry,

Of the spy and the land,

And the giants to try and to

Understand,

Now it is almost,

It is almost there,

I had some care,

And a fountain to stare,

To drink from,

To do some,

Damage,

And damages were done.

Never should I have said yes

To the undress and all that came

After,

But now you are here,

And I am far,

And we are almost as far

Away as we were before.

Day #57 – Almost There

Started this out with love,

With a little despair,

Started this out with

Wander,

With pander,

With something for you to wonder,

About and lost, and in and out,

So I had started, almost there,

Walking and living in despair,

And now love was supposed to follow

Me,

And the fountain was to give some history,

Some history of being thirsty,

Some pages read of the misery.

We had it,

We were almost there,

I am empty and not full,

Looking for despair.