Day #50 – Cement

August 21st

Got on a plane,

Made it plain,

Nick of time,

Out of the dime,

Asked for coffee,

For the 5th time,

Boarded that flight,

Stayed short on the night,

Ran low on darkness,

Felt the harness,

This was large,

Larger than I imagined.

Ran in circles only for you

To Fathom.

I am here,

Fountain longing,

Still wandering,

Cracks in the cement,

Cracks in the concrete.

Day #49 – Cracks

August 18th

Preparing for it,

Destroying for it, too.

A breakdown,

Was never half new,

Was never half knew.

I had to walk with the solid,

I had to walk with the college.

I had to feel your knowledge,

And your hands all over mine.

I made some time for reflection,

I made some time for direction,

Tried to seek it out.

I had a dry spout,

I had a place where you were

Unable to find me,

I had cracks,

I had places that I needed you

To fill,

And to find,

I wondered the fountain,

Would it fill me and find me

Tonight.

 

Day #45 – Lost..

All of this..

Closed,

Not ever..open..

Heart, sound, spoken,

Not loud, faded in the voices..

Of all the things I used to say to

Get your attention..

….our hearts are wide open
The world is wide open………………….

Was that only true when you were a kid,

When shame is the place you hid..

When lost is not the fountain to drink from..

Yet it was wondering..

All the best summer dry spaces I could try

To see all the space(s) called dry and weak,

And thirsty..

Spent it on money can you say why?

Is this a Isaiah 55 talk..

Or a time not lost in the walk..

I am dark all aroud..

All I hear is Your sound..

 

 

Day #42- Crash

‘FlyPain.”

Was a poem written in 2009 about wanting to crash. Fly. high. FLYING high..looking for a crash. Inspired by getting addicted to the show Lost on ABC.( grammer chek)

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Brain goes like ( ABOVE)

Symbols and signs,

July 30th to be exact,

Thought we had a rehash

Now Sunday( 9.23.18) I am gone,

East away,

Long away,

Worn, torn, scorn,

By the horn..

Louder..it says,

Is your love loud?

Are you proud?

No, I am not..I cannot be..

So what?

So what are you going to do now..

Lost in the crash,

Sugar low,

Blood high,

Cholesterol,

On a roll.

I am up, then I am down.

I am crash,

I need you around.

‘ Sometimes we need to crash into each other just to feel something.’ –

Graham It’s the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We’re always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something..)- source: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0375679/characters/nm0000332

No..

Its 2:05am in North Carolina,

I don’t want to post pictures because you will call and wants to know,

Maybe see me,

See me for sure.

No, I am down,

I am all down,

Fall is a hollow sound,

Are we doing what we always do,

Are we still counting down days until Christmas?

 

Day #41- Indecision(s)

July 31st

Pressed on this mattress,

Spinning and turning since 8 in the morning,

Backwards days I thought were past me.

I still think of her,

And you at the same time.

I couldn’t make it up,

Make up the time?

Or decide,

Decide if this was the right kind.

I know you thought you could stay and I wanted you to.

August was a starter,

July 31st was the day it started with you.

The day of weddings in summer times,

Yellow shades like James Bond,

The last recording of the old camcorder,

The Hi-8 Tapes of Dana Point,

The last Marriot,

The last time I saw the outside world.

I couldn’t decide.

Did I want to stay in the breeze,

And the Dana Point,

And the main point,

And the time you met me at the beach

In that pink blaze of beauty,

In that high school memory,

The first of love and burning

And late night madness,

All of it was!

All of it had to be!

When July 31st came,

It came and went,

It all was love,

It all of summer,

It all was indecision.

Day #40 – Fast( days_)

July 28th

Making dents,

Like I said,

Went around in circles,

Traveled Oakland,

Saw the half moon bay,

Thought of the man that ran that way,

Hospital lock down, day 1, on the run,

Again..

Loved it then.

Sped fast those days,

5 years have passed.

I am fast,

Set,

Steady on the message,

You know its new to me,

One time price,

One time for me now,

Can I get here..

Can I get here somehow.

Locked, on days spent wasting myself

On pleasure.

Water Bottle, you heard?

You saw, you needed.

I gave them too,

You looked skinny,

Was that from the fast?

Or are you just always in need?