Category: ADDICTION

Shuffle

On By jareddiehl88In ADDICTION, MIND AND BRAIN1 Comment
No more shuffling my feet,
Feeling kicked on the street,
Feeling the smoke from your heat,
I was walking close together,
Like the burning weather,
Like the road to you was all lost.
I was shuffling them together,
Like my mind was the storm,
Like pacing in your hall was the norm.
I was trapped inside of my head
Like someone unleashed a thousand
Scorpions used to sting,
Used to sing,
Used to scream,
This mind is loud,
Louder now,
It has something to say.
I, too, can walk and stay,
And pace in that uncontrollable way.
I have been trapped,
And tapped,
And drained from my senses.
This is sorrow on the borrow
And it’s gonna keep coming back
For more.
I am walking better,
Feet not so close together,
Walking on the street,
Feeling a new kind of heat,
Feeling better about walking
Not so close together.
This mind is loud,
Louder now,
Hearing and seeing all
In the same,
Seeking for change,
Looking for heat to
Exchange.

Hills

On By jareddiehl88In ADDICTION, California, CHRSTIAN LIVING, DAILY LIFE, MIND AND BRAIN, Righteousness, SHORT STORIESLeave a comment

Making a comeback. A lot on my mind. A lot going on in life.

 

To feel again,
To find you again,

I knew just hallways,
And corner spaces,
And scared places,

If these halls had hills
They would be alive to..

If I live open then you can see me,
You can see all of me,

And there is no going back,
Going back to living in the the black,
Rich and slightly famous,
How many people asked about me
When I was gone?

How many texts and tweets did I get,
Even more so when I was steady
And hungry,

Only in poverty did you come
Running after me,

To feel again,
To steal again,
The moments made by sunsets,
Now I can stay up and see them,
Now I can stay up and receive them.

If these halls had hills,
They would be alive to,
They would be high too,
They would be all about you.

Stop this cycle
and this roundabout,
Show me what mercy is about,
Cause that is all I need from You
Today.

Interlude- Body

On By jareddiehl88In ADDICTION, California, CHRSTIAN LIVING, DAILY LIFE, MIND AND BRAIN, PALM TREES, PAST REMAINS, philosophize, PIECES OF WRITING, POEMS, Poetry, POPCULTURE, PRAYER, Ventura Boulevard, Why did I just write that?Leave a comment

Body of yours,
This life of poise,
This world of noise.
This place I cover,
This place I hover,
Anger you stored up,
Wrath for the hungry,
Treasures for the lonely,
Are you telling me to stop,
Or are you telling me to stay?

Body of yours,
White and pale,
Snow and hail,
Rain and reign,
Are you still king?
Are you still the rearrange?

Cause we never had furniture,
Cause we worried about future,
Cause we needed new furniture,
Cause we can’t change future.

Seated on us,
Seated within us,
This life is poise,
This world of noise,
I am crying out and loud,
Time is going by,
Time is flying by,
Are you still as loud as you used to be?

Is noise what we need,
Or are you louder than you should be,
Is noise what you reign on in the rain,
Is this the last time I talk about things
I don’t do.

Tell me,
Body,
Body expand,
Body of land,
Don’t let this body fall apart.

Sit With

On By jareddiehl88In ADDICTION, California, DAILY LIFE, MIND AND BRAINLeave a comment
I need someone too,
Someone to sit with.
It used to be you,
It used to be the clue.
You were less than blue,
And a little new,
A little younger,
A little shape of
Beautiful, and what was
I supposed to do?
All of life became about watching you,
And learning, too.
I had some also, and some And,
And some Because,
Because of us, too.
I needed someone,
Now I am waking up with someone
Else’s arms,
Friday nights,
Hotel fights,
Lyft rides on the curb,
Downtown to disturb,
Later on the on,
For the later on.
I needed someone to sit with.
I needed you to stop sitting, too.
You were afraid, and scared,
And more scared, too.
I woke up in your arms,
By choice, by choosing,
By wanting more.

Saga/ West/ Wild

On By jareddiehl88In ADDICTION, BIRTHDAYS, California, DAILY LIFE, MIND AND BRAIN, Series PoetryLeave a comment

Saga….

Crave adventure, don’t you?

Moved away, didn’t you?

Palo Alto, is that so?

Left in the snow, is that truth?

Are you cold, are you solo,

Are you a no go?

Dear, someone,

Is what I needed to say,

Are you the one that got away,

Are you the saga we were starting,

And the steady sound of beginning.

Am I hidden, hidden in Christ, with words

You call thrice,

And three days it took for You to raise up!

Crave adventure..

I thought so..

Left for Palo Alto,

Now I really know.

You were the one on the long list,

The long list of those I met in the West.

It was here, it was wind, it was like you

Were blown away from the end.

Crave tomorrow…

Yes, I thought so, how did you know?

This had to be wild or not true,

Because now you got a mountain view,

And lions to catch and chase, and sun that you won’t miss…

I blow you a kiss,

And keep it on that beach,

Where you were in some reach,

And far from the breach.

It was wild, it was the west that you won,

And north is fun and further from the truth.

You need this saga as proof.

Are in the middle of a longer story,

Or are you the one that ends with it here?

There is trembling, there is fear, this is something

Waiting for next time…

DISconnect

On By jareddiehl88In ADDICTION, DAILY LIFE, MIND AND BRAIN, PIECES OF WRITINGLeave a comment

Why is your world so full of empty connections? Or, none whatsoever.  If I lead off this thought assuming no one is connecting with you most would read and agree, then possibly stop reading because what’s so new about that thought? Is this a day before Valentine’s Day post? No, it isn’t.

Full and wholesome talk that starts with and ends with being human. The longer life continues the less and less you care about what you call ‘ petty’ things, and the more you crave real relationship and connection with people. I have had this obsession at the beginning of each year to finish all the books that I started reading the year before. I have had this goal at the start of the year for the past 10 years( at least), and now I have a long list of books that have gone unfinished. I have a pile of unread books, and a larger pile of guilt that sounds like regret for not finishing things I start.

However, when I get down and think about it I discover something I have known for a while..what is more important..the goal itself or the actual information you take with you into the next thing.

I connect with books. I connect with a level of knowledge but it fades away. I don’t repeat lessons learned when I read Wild At Heart in 2004. I find myself trying to remember current books and information.

Is this about books, or about something else? Life is full of unread books and unfinished goals. It is also full of shallow relationships of disconnect. Yet, year after year it piles up. Who knows you( is that a long list), and who doesn’t( a pile of unfinished books).

It can’t all be about everyone knowing you just like it can’t all be about finishing every book you pick up, but finishing something and sticking with it can be the most helpful way to stay healthy.

This is not a sad post on what Valentine’s Day should be about. Really, that is for tomorrow if I decide to write something on love, or the lack thereof. This life is meant for a connection. Raw and real and time to heal, but don’t let it pile up. Don’t let your disconnect pile up. Books can be thrown away and burned and bought again. Books are movies made now like Farenheit 411( and you still get the message) knowledge is power and so is freedom. People are not a pile to hide in the corner, people are asking for some real love, and a real connection.

Flow with me here..is this the start of a lot of thoughts?

I, Too * 12 Hours Later..

On By jareddiehl88In ADDICTION, airports, BIRTHDAYS, California, CHRSTIAN LIVING, DAILY LIFE, MIND AND BRAIN, WISE MAN ONCE SAID, Work, Working, You would have never guessed?, YOUNG ADULTS1 Comment
January 30th from 12pm to 12am. 12 hours of reflection.
Building something,
Something from the start of today,
Waking up and running as fast as I can,
3 miles and counting.
Calling mom on updates and
Such, asking for revelation,
Then it comes to me,
All the great things came in the
Waiting, in the stillness, in the
Wilderness, in the suffering,
In the greatness of what we have
Been looking for all along.
Yes, I too, have suffered,
And suffered recently.
Been up all night wondering
About the fight and the fists and
The things that are called future.
Yet, this is the invitation,
I am not sold or solid,
Not shaken either,
But moved around and tossed
To and fro,
Asking You: how does one grow?
He says wait for the lights and ask
Not for the blinders,
My eyes did wander
And look a little to long,
Starbucks, again, I thought
You were over that flavor,
But to the corner of that place
Was someone standing out of place.
The looked as if they have been to
The blue car before,
They asked for more,
Yes, I too give in to seduction.
I ran away and walked along the way,
I filmed and captured my self by the
Sea and the tilt of the lights that spin
Before night,
I, too, lose the dusk,
So fast and quick it does go..
I drove and drove and yet those
City lights were on my left and
You voice was the loudest of them
All,
Are we talking the same,
Are you the same?
Are we the same struggle?
Home came late and so did that text,
It invited me in and crunched the numbers,
Too,
This will cost just like the last time, and
The tenth time before that.
I want love and the last long,
And the love that lasts long,
But, I, too want the bed you made,
And the mess you make,
And the mistake that came with
Saying go instead of no!
I, too, am up late,
Because the day torments me too,
It calls me too, it calls for change,
A serious rearrange.
A serious move everything around kind
Of winter,
One, where, I, too am cold and hardened
By the wind,
And by the sound that calls me
In..
Hollow,
Silence.

The Change

On By jareddiehl88In ADDICTION, airports, BIRTHDAYS, California, CHRSTIAN LIVING, CHURCH, Community, Culture, CULTUREPOP, DAILY LIFE, DEPRESSION, Discussions, FAMILY, HighSchool, Hollywood, HOW TO, Hunger and thirst, Jesus, Mental Health, MILESTONES, MIND AND BRAIN, PALM TREES, PIECES OF WRITING, POEMS, Poetry, POPCULTURELeave a comment

We write our New Year’s resolutions but we had them all along. Each year is progress…

I got a long list rolling around in the back of my mind,
Pulled up to the front,
Burning in a rut,
Stuck on some structure you never gave,
And a new life,
I have to cave,
And go back,
Again,
To hyped up nights on the edge,
To find some lights to follow,
While the dark could swallow.
3 years later, we are still at it,
I mean a longer list that you have made,
At the top was the love that we lost,
And the hype around this thing called
Forever,
I got stuck,
Stuck in different beds
In different nights,
In the same kind of fight.
All I’ve known is the road,
And tires,
And mysteries,
And darkness,
And hotels with no
Windows,
And all the while I was
Caved in..
Not better,
Not worse,
Not the same,
Not the blame.
But now I am different,
Now I am shallow,
Now I am out of the hallow
They name,
And into something else
You claim..
I am into not being the same,
And forever change.
I got a longer list rolling around in my
Mind,
A longer list of all the things that I need
To change.

Day #59 – Almost

On By jareddiehl88In 60 Days of Poetry, ADDICTION, California, DAILY LIFE, MIND AND BRAINLeave a comment

Almost the end,

Of the day,

Of the dry,

Of the spy and the land,

And the giants to try and to

Understand,

Now it is almost,

It is almost there,

I had some care,

And a fountain to stare,

To drink from,

To do some,

Damage,

And damages were done.

Never should I have said yes

To the undress and all that came

After,

But now you are here,

And I am far,

And we are almost as far

Away as we were before.

Day #58 – Days are Gone

On By jareddiehl88In 60 Days of Poetry, ADDICTION, California, DAILY LIFELeave a comment

September 10th

Those days were like along,

Like Shine Along,

Days before, weeks before,

I was trying to explore,

And say no more to the waste

That Friday would call to me,

And correct with me.

It was a walk,

But not of fame,

Maybe more so about the shame,

Days are gone,

You know, the one’s without you..

Overshare, or never aware, never

To much, and never to little to ever

Say again to You.