Wild

On February 14, 2019 By jareddiehl88In ADDICTION, BIRTHDAYS, California, DAILY LIFE, MIND AND BRAIN, Series PoetryLeave a comment

Saga….

Crave adventure, don’t you?

Moved away, didn’t you?

Palo Alto, is that so?

Left in the snow, is that truth?

Are you cold, are you solo,

Are you a no go?

Dear, someone,

Is what I needed to say,

Are you the one that got away,

Are you the saga we were starting,

And the steady sound of beginning.

Am I hidden, hidden in Christ, with words

You call thrice,

And three days it took for You to raise up!

Crave adventure..

I thought so..

Left for Palo Alto,

Now I really know.

You were the one on the long list,

The long list of those I met in the West.

It was here, it was wind, it was like you

Were blown away from the end.

Crave tomorrow…

Yes, I thought so, how did you know?

This had to be wild or not true,

Because now you got a mountain view,

And lions to catch and chase, and sun that you won’t miss…

I blow you a kiss,

And keep it on that beach,

Where you were in some reach,

And far from the breach.

It was wild, it was the west that you won,

And north is fun and further from the truth.

You need this saga as proof.

Are in the middle of a longer story,

Or are you the one that ends with it here?

There is trembling, there is fear, this is something

Waiting for next time…

I, Too * 12 Hours Later..

On January 31, 2019 By jareddiehl88In ADDICTION, airports, BIRTHDAYS, California, CHRSTIAN LIVING, DAILY LIFE, MIND AND BRAIN, WISE MAN ONCE SAID, Work, Working, You would have never guessed?, YOUNG ADULTS1 Comment

January 30th from 12pm to 12am. 12 hours of reflection.

Building something,

Something from the start of today,

Waking up and running as fast as I can,

3 miles and counting.

Calling mom on updates and

Such, asking for revelation,

Then it comes to me,

All the great things came in the

Waiting, in the stillness, in the

Wilderness, in the suffering,

In the greatness of what we have

Been looking for all along.

Yes, I too, have suffered,

And suffered recently.

Been up all night wondering

About the fight and the fists and

The things that are called future.

Yet, this is the invitation,

I am not sold or solid,

Not shaken either,

But moved around and tossed

To and fro,

Asking You: how does one grow?

He says wait for the lights and ask

Not for the blinders,

My eyes did wander

And look a little to long,

Starbucks, again, I thought

You were over that flavor,

But to the corner of that place

Was someone standing out of place.

The looked as if they have been to

The blue car before,

They asked for more,

Yes, I too give in to seduction.

I ran away and walked along the way,

I filmed and captured my self by the

Sea and the tilt of the lights that spin

Before night,

I, too, lose the dusk,

So fast and quick it does go..

I drove and drove and yet those

City lights were on my left and

You voice was the loudest of them

All,

Are we talking the same,

Are you the same?

Are we the same struggle?

Home came late and so did that text,

It invited me in and crunched the numbers,

Too,

This will cost just like the last time, and

The tenth time before that.

I want love and the last long,

And the love that lasts long,

But, I, too want the bed you made,

And the mess you make,

And the mistake that came with

Saying go instead of no!

I, too, am up late,

Because the day torments me too,

It calls me too, it calls for change,

A serious rearrange.

A serious move everything around kind

Of winter,

One, where, I, too am cold and hardened

By the wind,

And by the sound that calls me

In..

Hollow,

Silence.

The Change

On January 28, 2019 By jareddiehl88In ADDICTION, airports, BIRTHDAYS, California, CHRSTIAN LIVING, CHURCH, Community, Culture, CULTUREPOP, DAILY LIFE, DEPRESSION, Discussions, FAMILY, HighSchool, Hollywood, HOW TO, Hunger and thirst, Jesus, Mental Health, MILESTONES, MIND AND BRAIN, PALM TREES, PIECES OF WRITING, POEMS, Poetry, POPCULTURELeave a comment

We write our New Year’s resolutions but we had them all along. Each year is progress…

I got a long list rolling around in the back of my mind,

Pulled up to the front,

Burning in a rut,

Stuck on some structure you never gave,

And a new life,

I have to cave,

And go back,

Again,

To hyped up nights on the edge,

To find some lights to follow,

While the dark could swallow.

3 years later, we are still at it,

I mean a longer list that you have made,

At the top was the love that we lost,

And the hype around this thing called

Forever,

I got stuck,

Stuck in different beds

In different nights,

In the same kind of fight.

All I’ve known is the road,

And tires,

And mysteries,

And darkness,

And hotels with no

Windows,

And all the while I was

Caved in..

Not better,

Not worse,

Not the same,

Not the blame.

But now I am different,

Now I am shallow,

Now I am out of the hallow

They name,

And into something else

You claim..

I am into not being the same,

And forever change.

I got a longer list rolling around in my

Mind,

A longer list of all the things that I need

To change.

Fast

On November 19, 2017December 27, 2017 By jareddiehl88In 60 Days of Poetry, BIRTHDAYS, California, CHRSTIAN LIVING, CHURCH, DAILY LIFE, MIND AND BRAINLeave a comment

Birthday was 11-13. Reflections.

Life is moving fast,

I stopped flying on your pass.

I got tired of risking it.

I got tired of missing it.

Life has all been on the mobile,

Moving slower than quickly,

Moving faster than that decade

We called influence.

I read that always wasn’t necessary,

That I was low on my library.

Cause all I had was knowledge,

All I knew was knowing.

Life has kept up this pace.

Fast has been the secret place.

Been running low on space,

Got to many pictures

To hold onto.

Got to many memories

Of You.

Fast and loving at the same

Time,

Hard and true with a little bit

Of kind.

I was a little high on the addiction.

I was a little confused by the tension.

How could You really be in control,

How could You really let me live

This slow?

It has only been mobile,

Life in the solo.

It has all been a fast paced

Memory.

It was always about those

Memories You used to keep.

All about those histories

We would someday read.

I was never to great at sitting still.

It was much better to find the thrill.

I needed Your grace, it could never

Be affordable.

I needed Your love, it has to be

Portable.

I need Your truth, it has to cost

Something.

I needed some proof, it can’t

Be everything.

60 Days: New Years Haven

On October 3, 2017December 16, 2017 By jareddiehl88In 60 Days of Poetry, Able Source Adventures, ADDICTION, BIRTHDAYS, California, CHRSTIAN LIVING, CHURCH, DAILY LIFE, MIND AND BRAINLeave a comment

8.28.

NYC,

Fighting over.

New Years haven,

New was next.

Had you for the best.

I can’t relax,

Cause you got the goods for

Me to see.

I was choosing purity.

I was skipping tragedy.

I was up late for the wrong

Reasons, journal had to die in

Those seasons.

Now I am up high.

I left you feeling dry.

When did school start?

When did you get that false

Start?

When did you start getting all

Wearing some glasses now?

Cause I spent to much time

Studying.

Now I am NYC,

Its fast and moving.

Smells of pain and sorrow.

Feels like Ray had more pizza

To borrow, I got ya now.

Where’s tomorrow?

Don’t tell me now how

Many more times you got to

Head home,

Cause I miss it to.

I miss it with You.

I miss Seattle.

I miss rain and kettle,

Tea and the sea with you.

Feels like it won’t drift.

This spin is just a first draft.

60 Days: Sunday Nights

On September 3, 2017September 14, 2017 By jareddiehl88In 60 Days of Poetry, ADDICTION, BIRTHDAYS, California, CHRSTIAN LIVING, CHURCH, DAILY LIFE, MIND AND BRAINLeave a comment

I had a lot of Saturdays without you,

I had a lot of free Sundays,

I wanted to face that place,

I wanted to return there.

I didn’t want to worship

Anymore. I didn’t want these

Arms open anymore.

I didn’t want you to see me

Here. It started there. It was

Over there.

I woke up thinking different.

Thinking Friday nights in the

O.C. Thinking magic by the sea.

I bought those white shoes.

I thought I was normal for

Those to stay clean.

So Sunday was never the same.

Ryan told me of worship and

Suffering was the message,

Suffering was the massage.

No one knows how to rest in this place.

You let me nap on that couch.

You let me stay up late.

You let me in.

Your house was like a hotel.

I’ve seen to many of those

Lately.

I needed you more.

I needed the top floor.

I was thinking she was gonna

Call back and call again, but

I couldn’t do that,

That had to come to an end.

I was wild again. I felt the free again.

Just for a little Sunday night.

I saw those movies with a new

Vision. I saw her move west and

Put fear to the test.

I related like Batman would.

I had a dad issue to.

I had a new kind of view to

Look to.

I had an instagram

I had to delete those pics

Of you,

I had to press new on everything.

I had that drive home.

I had that smog filled sunset.

I had the eclipse to look to.

So, where you gonna go?

Anywhere but here.

Part 1

On May 30, 2017 By jareddiehl88In 60 Days of Poetry, BIRTHDAYS, California, CHRSTIAN LIVING, CHURCH, Community, DAILY LIFE, DEPRESSION, Discussions, Jesus Christ, Los Angeles, LOVE, MANHOOD, Mental Health, MIND AND BRAINLeave a comment

I have come to this place.

Like I was without volition,

Or any ambition.

I was the one that heard it from you first.

I did all that I could to try and listen.

You were just a beautiful kind of vision.

I said I would start working out for you,

I would start running for you.

Didn’t we meet in chaos to begin with?

So now I am in the volition,

I am on a day off still in ambition.

I am still wondering why I ever tried so hard

But it was because of the way I was raised.

I was raised for you to see,

All the shining parts of me.

I am in it now,

Waiting for this part to stay the stage,

To never wonder the next page,

I am the risk, and the wonder.

I am raised this way,

Raised in thunder and raised in rain…

Day 5

On February 27, 2017 By jareddiehl88In BIRTHDAYS, California, CHRSTIAN LIVING, Culture, CULTUREPOP, DAILY LIFELeave a comment

Cause I can’t do daily,

I can’t do every,

I got the day and it is fading away.

I once lost You, I lost you in the busy,

I lost the sense of never being ready.

I can’t do daily now that it is passing.

I can only live like it is not.

Cause you blew those candles out,

You let us know what wishes to

Let out.

Cause I’ve needed you to stay close,

I’ve needed you to let me in,

To let me love you again.

I can’t do daily,

I can only do the insane things,

The crazy and wild commands that

You bring.

I can do those,

I can do those things daily.

I thought I could pause on

Daily, but forward is the way

You raised me.

We sat and waited up for you,

For you to never leave again.

We were the one’s that built what

You left behind,

We were the one’s that are catching up now.

The world was never ready for us,

It should have been,

Cause we spent to much

Time, daily time,

Being afraid of what would be

Next,

Now daily plays the new tune,

Daily sets the new mood,

Daily is the reason for a

New altitude.

Daily is the does I need,

Different from the raised

Soul I would be.

Day 3

On February 17, 2017 By jareddiehl88In 60 Days of Poetry, ADDICTION, BIRTHDAYS, California, CHURCH, Community, Culture, CULTUREPOP, MIND AND BRAINLeave a comment

Canceling debt,

And the regret,

All the things you could

Never set,

It wasn’t set,

It wasn’t the course,

Dinner was its own machine,

Night time was its own

Laundry clean,

Its own hour of lean,

So was the gym,

The basement downstairs,

The escape,

The noise of the stairs,

The sitting, and the waiting,

I wish I could start over,

And pull you closer,

Let you know now,

How hard living easy

Has become?

How to much rest has

Made me numb?

How movies are the greater

Of disease,

Cause fantasy has overplayed

Me, over saved me,

Overturned me,

Now I have debt,

And you took that too,

Now I owe you but I can’t

Cause I too am

Regret,

I am the rest I never took,

I blame me now for never

Asking,

How hard will it get when you leave?

When you disappear, and never

Come back?

How hard will marriage taste,

Or maybe not anything at all,

Or maybe single, like the fall,

Like the rest, like the debt that

You can’t now collect,

I am still in debt,

I owe you all,

You raised me after all,

Can’t pay it back,

Can’t take it back,

Can only remember

To never let it happen

Again.

65

On February 9, 2017 By jareddiehl88In BIRTHDAYS, California, CHRSTIAN LIVING, CHURCH, Community, Culture, DAILY LIFE, MIND AND BRAINLeave a comment

Two years ago this idea came about. As I move toward the spring. I write a lot at this time of the year. I feel like I have had this pattern of hiding and not writing a lot in the fall season and winter. It is California people. It is already Spring. Here’s the reflection.

New not found anywhere else

65 down,

65 to go,

65 years of going slow,

Slow at healing,

Slow at peeling,

Slowly never not yelling,

Faster you went at making a dent,

Poverty was just paying rent,

White walls covered the rest,

I had You, like a treasured chest,

Now I am in the meadows,

Now I am in the open,

65 more years with you?

Not sure what I will do,

Not sure where I will live,

Can I lay down the noise?

The first part was about you,

Now it is about me,

I am to cluttered upstairs

To see,

65 years you have to me,

65 of letting them go,

65 dollars you paid me,

Paid me to copy your

Voice onto the cd,

Now it is done,

Stills spins,

Still sits as another thing

I spent,

To get rid of something

You can’t pay to fade away,

Those memories,

They costed a lot,

They to are with me

Still

THE RUCKUS JOURNAL

Category: BIRTHDAYS