#17 Building Something For You

Building something for you,
Waiting up for you,
Everything is sweating,
Every tear is venting,
Every gossiping part of me
Has you on the airwaves,
Late night to get it right,
Living in that downtown area
You called paranoia,
But fear does involve
Not love, but fear does involve
Endless ceiling stares,
Endless ceiling fears,

I am still looking for the materials,
I am still burning with your minerals,
I am still driving around your block,
Throwing rocks up at your window,
Looking into that soul of yours,
Asking for control,
Asking for the seasons with you,

Building a home for you,
Finding the right floors for you,
Waiting for to walk all around me,
Waiting for the time to slow down with
You, building this for the love you have
Given me,

I am still looking for the materials,
The right white paper to write my thoughts
For you, to scribble the mysteries that are
Necessary, that could never be solved,
Looking for you took much to long,
But now that I have found you I need
More time, more of you to unwind,
More of you in the sand, more of you
In the sun, more of you til the morning
Could come, more of you to say no to,
To get another chance at regret,
To get closer then ever before,

What is mercy anyway,
Is this about a girl anyway?
Is this about all those places no
One ever could fill,
Those endless times I wanted
You close to me, but I am not sure
Who you is anymore,
You are still on my mind,
You are still wasting all my time,
You is everyone who has ever gotten
Close enough, to keep me buff,
To call my bluff,
To pull the cards out from me,
To bet it all,

I am still building,
So grow with me,
Back to the airport was a while
Back, I don’t want the lack,
I want that pure, innocent love
Back

Poem #11 Airport With Me

Literally tonight( 4-20) I am up late writing three to four posts all at once.  Sometimes that is just the way that it is. Raw and real and certainly Jared Diehl. Ok, guys, that’s the last time I will say my name like that. Overly pretentious and well, yes, I do like my name.

Airport with me is about a few different things. It is friendships that I remember more than anything and in the past 4 years so much has changed in that area of life. Moving to California for the second time but the last time in 2013 has marked a whole huge chapter in life. Since 2014 I have lived in Pomona/ La Verne, and I love it. I have been blessed with some great people. Most of life is anticipation, and most of the battle is in what you expect yourself to feel about stuff that hasn’t happened yet. We fear losing those closest to us.

Life in fear is at the airport. Life in fear says you always have to keep your bags packed. Life in the realm of losing someone because you have nothing to begin with, keeps you on the red eyed flights and never, ever at rest. This idea is getting threaded through the 60 day marathon of poetry.

Airport With Me

Spring fever,
Knew you to be clever,
Parking lot endeavor,
Stayed up late on the torn up couch,
Like that sunny day when we should have
Thrown it away,
Pee stained mattresses on Rockaway street,
But what I remember,
Will be that which is forever,
Spring happened again,
New season to live again,
New love to try to swim in,
Summer to far ahead of us,
With bright ipad lights to guide me,
No hands on the steering wheel,
Plane mercy for the steal,
Airport runs like red eyes mom
Used to live in,
Friendship like the jetway,
Always at the edge of leaving,
Always within the place called
Uncertain,
Want to say you were on the rig with
Us, but none of you were there,
Iced coffee despair,
Walked in out daily,
Then back to stuck,
Back to pencils,
Back to nothing sharp,
Back to the beginning before
I met all of you,
Now I am wiser one year later
And nothing stays the same,
Airport with me,
One more time,
I am not ready for you to
Leave,
No hands on the steering
Wheel, I know change is real,
I know I will always feel,
I know that won’t change,
But staying is never easy,
And neither is leaving,
Airport with me,
But next time, I will
Be the one embracing the
Journey, like the blood in me,
It flows steadily,
The desire for a departure,
To see you again,
For you to sign off on
Death, for only You hold
These keys

 

#7 The Gig

The gig is dead
The band died with the oil rig,
Now we got the electric city to chase after,
Head or the heart, which part will you take next?
Saw you in the winter, passed you in the summer,
Never did I expect to fall so hard, never could I ever
Want it any other way,
Bags are packed,
Ready for the train tracks,
On the couch nightly I wait for it softly,
Those nights at 4am, the soft slipping sound,
Windows were built and love was felt,
Mysteries on full tilt,
My sorrow cannot be built,
But it can be torn down,
My life has been spent on the freeway,
And oh how I crave the getaway on the
Jetway, how I ask for the bridge again,
To sit under it again,
The gig is dead, those friends are
Past yet they will always last,
The truth hurts underneath it all,
Anything good can always happen again,
Man’s curse is not his intentions but
The things he can’t control,
The gig is dead,
A new oil rig lives instead

Memory Wars

Inspired by my last week of being 29. November 13th is coming soon to a theater near you. As a child my parent’s would ask me, “Where is that movie playing?” I would say, “in theaters everywhere.” Switchfoot songs and especially their last album Fading West has been a source of inspiration. Here’s to the memories we have..good, bad and eternal.

Remembering to often

Waiting for the coffin,

Another nail for the unseen

Hail,

Remembering those words You

Spoke way back when

That red couch was my best friend—

Anger for the stranger, anger before

The manger now I am the manager

Of my own destiny,

Now I am forgetting the nails, the side

Splitting of Your body, a doubting Thomas,

A doubting spill of the dross,

I empty the burnt things,

The new signet rings,

The sealed love of the greatest

Song to sing, one more week before

The twenties end,

One more 30 years to get it right,

To live with waste is as good as

Haste, for I cannot move forward alone—

All or nothing at all is the song I sing,

Slipping away past the memories that

Haunt me, everyone has a fractured father,

A broken mother, a lost brother, a beautiful

Sister—but is heaven really my family,

Are my enemies really actually with me?

All or nothing are these memories,

Remembering feels like a curse,

Tomorrow could be the hearse,

Tonight could be the end—I will

Never know, I will just trust today,

And live with memories that have

Shaped me

Sermon At My Church

I got to preach last month at our Sunday night service. Got to speak on Righteousness. It has been such a blessing being at New Life in Pomona. I love this place! Thank you Cody, Craig and Billy.

How to Help your Kids with Depression

My mom has helped me so much over the years be more than just a default I need your help parent but has been my rock and my friend. Just like the into the light video this is the start of a series of videos tackling depression. My mom talks about what a parent can do. Filmed where it all went down in Laguna Niguel at Salt Creek beach.

Burning Bridges( Reid Farewell Part 1)

This video captures a combo of other videos and memories. Our youth pastor Reid Powell has moved and was at our church for 8 years. The footage at the end is the last service he preached and rode out on the red scooter. I have been so blessed by all the friendships and relationships built in the last year and a half at New Life in Pomona. I honor you Reid and Jen..thank you!