Category: CHRSTIAN LIVING
My Depression, Part 2( Old Post)
My depression
Hills
Making a comeback. A lot on my mind. A lot going on in life.
To feel again,
To find you again,
I knew just hallways,
And corner spaces,
And scared places,
If these halls had hills
They would be alive to..
If I live open then you can see me,
You can see all of me,
And there is no going back,
Going back to living in the the black,
Rich and slightly famous,
How many people asked about me
When I was gone?
How many texts and tweets did I get,
Even more so when I was steady
And hungry,
Only in poverty did you come
Running after me,
To feel again,
To steal again,
The moments made by sunsets,
Now I can stay up and see them,
Now I can stay up and receive them.
If these halls had hills,
They would be alive to,
They would be high too,
They would be all about you.
Stop this cycle
and this roundabout,
Show me what mercy is about,
Cause that is all I need from You
Today.
Interlude- Body
Body of yours,
This life of poise,
This world of noise.
This place I cover,
This place I hover,
Anger you stored up,
Wrath for the hungry,
Treasures for the lonely,
Are you telling me to stop,
Or are you telling me to stay?
Body of yours,
White and pale,
Snow and hail,
Rain and reign,
Are you still king?
Are you still the rearrange?
Cause we never had furniture,
Cause we worried about future,
Cause we needed new furniture,
Cause we can’t change future.
Seated on us,
Seated within us,
This life is poise,
This world of noise,
I am crying out and loud,
Time is going by,
Time is flying by,
Are you still as loud as you used to be?
Is noise what we need,
Or are you louder than you should be,
Is noise what you reign on in the rain,
Is this the last time I talk about things
I don’t do.
Tell me,
Body,
Body expand,
Body of land,
Don’t let this body fall apart.
I, Too * 12 Hours Later..
The Change
We write our New Year’s resolutions but we had them all along. Each year is progress…
Wed..
To wed,
To Wendsday,
To today,
This isn’t a new year without Your
Resolution.
I am not certain I have built something
You would like.
I am not certain these thoughts have been
All about You.
I am certain that the years past have not
Been all about You.
If I was to lock it in
Like one would do at a wedding,
I would have to say I can’t, not today, not now.
All this commitment floating around me,
All this free wedding photography.
Yes, I too, have captured your moments for you.
I, too, said I would and I said I would do it for free.
I am not certain I would do that again,
Film and shoot and shout it out,
Tell your story, and do it for free?
I am not certain I am ready for free,
Or even ready to charge you a fee.
I am only certain I want to something
Else,
Something of a wed, on a Wednesday,
These are uncertain thoughts.
Happy 2019!
Day #50 – Cement
August 21st
Got on a plane,
Made it plain,
Nick of time,
Out of the dime,
Asked for coffee,
For the 5th time,
Boarded that flight,
Stayed short on the night,
Ran low on darkness,
Felt the harness,
This was large,
Larger than I imagined.
Ran in circles only for you
To Fathom.
I am here,
Fountain longing,
Still wandering,
Cracks in the cement,
Cracks in the concrete.
Day #49 – Cracks
August 18th
Preparing for it,
Destroying for it, too.
A breakdown,
Was never half new,
Was never half knew.
I had to walk with the solid,
I had to walk with the college.
I had to feel your knowledge,
And your hands all over mine.
I made some time for reflection,
I made some time for direction,
Tried to seek it out.
I had a dry spout,
I had a place where you were
Unable to find me,
I had cracks,
I had places that I needed you
To fill,
And to find,
I wondered the fountain,
Would it fill me and find me
Tonight.