The Change

We write our New Year’s resolutions but we had them all along. Each year is progress…

I got a long list rolling around in the back of my mind,
Pulled up to the front,
Burning in a rut,
Stuck on some structure you never gave,
And a new life,
I have to cave,
And go back,
Again,
To hyped up nights on the edge,
To find some lights to follow,
While the dark could swallow.
3 years later, we are still at it,
I mean a longer list that you have made,
At the top was the love that we lost,
And the hype around this thing called
Forever,
I got stuck,
Stuck in different beds
In different nights,
In the same kind of fight.
All I’ve known is the road,
And tires,
And mysteries,
And darkness,
And hotels with no
Windows,
And all the while I was
Caved in..
Not better,
Not worse,
Not the same,
Not the blame.
But now I am different,
Now I am shallow,
Now I am out of the hallow
They name,
And into something else
You claim..
I am into not being the same,
And forever change.
I got a longer list rolling around in my
Mind,
A longer list of all the things that I need
To change.
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Day #53 – Middle of the..

Day #53

8.31.18

Was never days and never nights,

I thought it was at least one more try,

I was sweating in the sun,

Waiting for the begun,

These weekly meetings what have

They become,

Can never be strange or can never be undone?

But I feel we are trying to hard just to finish,

Is this the first day of your college,

Am I a part of the collage?

I have all the blends

And I have all the colors,

All the things that make what you call

Lovers..

I am in the middle of something,

And You are the one I need.

 

 

Day #49 – Cracks

August 18th

Preparing for it,

Destroying for it, too.

A breakdown,

Was never half new,

Was never half knew.

I had to walk with the solid,

I had to walk with the college.

I had to feel your knowledge,

And your hands all over mine.

I made some time for reflection,

I made some time for direction,

Tried to seek it out.

I had a dry spout,

I had a place where you were

Unable to find me,

I had cracks,

I had places that I needed you

To fill,

And to find,

I wondered the fountain,

Would it fill me and find me

Tonight.

 

Day #42- Crash

‘FlyPain.”

Was a poem written in 2009 about wanting to crash. Fly. high. FLYING high..looking for a crash. Inspired by getting addicted to the show Lost on ABC.( grammer chek)

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Brain goes like ( ABOVE)

Symbols and signs,

July 30th to be exact,

Thought we had a rehash

Now Sunday( 9.23.18) I am gone,

East away,

Long away,

Worn, torn, scorn,

By the horn..

Louder..it says,

Is your love loud?

Are you proud?

No, I am not..I cannot be..

So what?

So what are you going to do now..

Lost in the crash,

Sugar low,

Blood high,

Cholesterol,

On a roll.

I am up, then I am down.

I am crash,

I need you around.

‘ Sometimes we need to crash into each other just to feel something.’ –

Graham It’s the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We’re always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something..)- source: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0375679/characters/nm0000332

No..

Its 2:05am in North Carolina,

I don’t want to post pictures because you will call and wants to know,

Maybe see me,

See me for sure.

No, I am down,

I am all down,

Fall is a hollow sound,

Are we doing what we always do,

Are we still counting down days until Christmas?

 

Today I am starting

Today, Labor Day, September 3rd..I am starting something new.

I am diving deep into something that has been stirring for a real long time.

I was reflecting on the journey with my mom yesterday at the beach. Family has become the number one reason for my own strength and success. Doing things better for them and for a future family of my own. If today can be about more than just Pumpkin Spiced Lattes( although top 5 most important things this is number 5) let it be about gratitude for people in your life. Stay tuned..

labor day

This Day

Musing from President’s Day..

Give me this mistake,
You are the mystery,
Hidden, from me.
Tell me the great lakes,
Tell me when they are greater,
Tell me when they say Savior,
Cause reckless is soon,
Soon to be near,
If I was a mountain I would
Snowboard to,
Down and out,
For the gold in red,
For the panthers of junior
High, to the raw on the screen,
To the ripped shape of your
Face.
I am the hero, soon,
I need to leave this place.
Tell me the stories you told
Once, when love was the punch.
I am a fighter, fighting for you.
Peace is the hardest to keep,
The worst to regret,
Cause I am crazy when I am
Not safe,
And safety, well you call
It something else.
Name me a name I won’t forget,
That day is coming to,
When this forehead has no more
Sweat, no more regret,
No more reasons to not
List,
What’s this name,
Is it the president,
Is this his day?
Cause nothing compares to You,
The leader of All,
The source of All,
The one that has crazy plans
For me.

The Leave On

*This is a series..here’s part 3..
Still the strangest of things,
Had to take a break from it.
Living like the upside was never
Down,
Living like you were the one leaving
This town,
Like I packed away that leave on,
You know you got to get on,
Get on your way now.
I was looking for the satisfy,
For the reason why,
For the deeper conversations
We could have had.
I got good,
When it was bad.
I got bad when it could
Have been good,
Showing up later on Ya,
Showing up all showered up.
This is that kind of thing I don’t
Want to write about,
I needed you now
I needed the shout.
I needed this to be all
About that.
I needed you to leave,
I wanted you to stay.
Don’t unplug, you see,
Don’t unplug like that TV.
Don’t start going down,
Like the basement is there.
Like it won’t get far from near.
Get good on me,
Get bad no more,
Can’t break that,
Can’t cap that salary.
Get the leave on,
Or stay stuck here with me.