The Change

On January 28, 2019 By jareddiehl88In ADDICTION, airports, BIRTHDAYS, California, CHRSTIAN LIVING, CHURCH, Community, Culture, CULTUREPOP, DAILY LIFE, DEPRESSION, Discussions, FAMILY, HighSchool, Hollywood, HOW TO, Hunger and thirst, Jesus, Mental Health, MILESTONES, MIND AND BRAIN, PALM TREES, PIECES OF WRITING, POEMS, Poetry, POPCULTURELeave a comment

We write our New Year’s resolutions but we had them all along. Each year is progress…

I got a long list rolling around in the back of my mind,

Pulled up to the front,

Burning in a rut,

Stuck on some structure you never gave,

And a new life,

I have to cave,

And go back,

Again,

To hyped up nights on the edge,

To find some lights to follow,

While the dark could swallow.

3 years later, we are still at it,

I mean a longer list that you have made,

At the top was the love that we lost,

And the hype around this thing called

Forever,

I got stuck,

Stuck in different beds

In different nights,

In the same kind of fight.

All I’ve known is the road,

And tires,

And mysteries,

And darkness,

And hotels with no

Windows,

And all the while I was

Caved in..

Not better,

Not worse,

Not the same,

Not the blame.

But now I am different,

Now I am shallow,

Now I am out of the hallow

They name,

And into something else

You claim..

I am into not being the same,

And forever change.

I got a longer list rolling around in my

Mind,

A longer list of all the things that I need

To change.

Day #53 – Middle of the..

On November 24, 2018November 24, 2018 By jareddiehl88In 60 Days of Poetry, ADDICTION, California, CHURCH, DAILY LIFE, MIND AND BRAINLeave a comment

Day #53

8.31.18

Was never days and never nights,

I thought it was at least one more try,

I was sweating in the sun,

Waiting for the begun,

These weekly meetings what have

They become,

Can never be strange or can never be undone?

But I feel we are trying to hard just to finish,

Is this the first day of your college,

Am I a part of the collage?

I have all the blends

And I have all the colors,

All the things that make what you call

Lovers..

I am in the middle of something,

And You are the one I need.

Day #49 – Cracks

On October 30, 2018 By jareddiehl88In 60 Days of Poetry, ADDICTION, California, CHRSTIAN LIVING, CHURCH, DAILY LIFE, MIND AND BRAINLeave a comment

August 18th

Preparing for it,

Destroying for it, too.

A breakdown,

Was never half new,

Was never half knew.

I had to walk with the solid,

I had to walk with the college.

I had to feel your knowledge,

And your hands all over mine.

I made some time for reflection,

I made some time for direction,

Tried to seek it out.

I had a dry spout,

I had a place where you were

Unable to find me,

I had cracks,

I had places that I needed you

To fill,

And to find,

I wondered the fountain,

Would it fill me and find me

Tonight.

Day #42- Crash

On September 24, 2018 By jareddiehl88In 60 Days of Poetry, ADDICTION, California, CHURCH, DAILY LIFE, DEPRESSION, Discussions, EternityLeave a comment

‘FlyPain.”

Was a poem written in 2009 about wanting to crash. Fly. high. FLYING high..looking for a crash. Inspired by getting addicted to the show Lost on ABC.( grammer chek)

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Brain goes like ( ABOVE)

Symbols and signs,

July 30th to be exact,

Thought we had a rehash

Now Sunday( 9.23.18) I am gone,

East away,

Long away,

Worn, torn, scorn,

By the horn..

Louder..it says,

Is your love loud?

Are you proud?

No, I am not..I cannot be..

So what?

So what are you going to do now..

Lost in the crash,

Sugar low,

Blood high,

Cholesterol,

On a roll.

I am up, then I am down.

I am crash,

I need you around.

‘ Sometimes we need to crash into each other just to feel something.’ –

“Graham : It’s the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We’re always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something..)- source: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0375679/characters/nm0000332

No..

Its 2:05am in North Carolina,

I don’t want to post pictures because you will call and wants to know,

Maybe see me,

See me for sure.

No, I am down,

I am all down,

Fall is a hollow sound,

Are we doing what we always do,

Are we still counting down days until Christmas?

Today I am starting

On September 3, 2018 By jareddiehl88In ADDICTION, California, CHURCH, DAILY LIFE, MIND AND BRAIN, VIDEOSLeave a comment

Today, Labor Day, September 3rd..I am starting something new.

I am diving deep into something that has been stirring for a real long time.

I was reflecting on the journey with my mom yesterday at the beach. Family has become the number one reason for my own strength and success. Doing things better for them and for a future family of my own. If today can be about more than just Pumpkin Spiced Lattes( although top 5 most important things this is number 5) let it be about gratitude for people in your life. Stay tuned..

labor day

This Day

On February 20, 2018February 20, 2018 By jareddiehl88In 60 Days of Poetry, ADDICTION, California, CHRSTIAN LIVING, CHURCH, DAILY LIFE, MIND AND BRAINLeave a comment

Musing from President’s Day..

Give me this mistake,

You are the mystery,

Hidden, from me.

Tell me the great lakes,

Tell me when they are greater,

Tell me when they say Savior,

Cause reckless is soon,

Soon to be near,

If I was a mountain I would

Snowboard to,

Down and out,

For the gold in red,

For the panthers of junior

High, to the raw on the screen,

To the ripped shape of your

Face.

I am the hero, soon,

I need to leave this place.

Tell me the stories you told

Once, when love was the punch.

I am a fighter, fighting for you.

Peace is the hardest to keep,

The worst to regret,

Cause I am crazy when I am

Not safe,

And safety, well you call

It something else.

Name me a name I won’t forget,

That day is coming to,

When this forehead has no more

Sweat, no more regret,

No more reasons to not

List,

What’s this name,

Is it the president,

Is this his day?

Cause nothing compares to You,

The leader of All,

The source of All,

The one that has crazy plans

For me.

The Leave On

On December 19, 2017December 27, 2017 By jareddiehl88In ADDICTION, California, CHURCH, Community, DAILY LIFE, Kingdom Of God, LIFE, Los Angeles, LOVE, MIND AND BRAIN, PIECES OF WRITING, POEMS, Poetry, Series PoetryLeave a comment

*This is a series..here’s part 3..

Still the strangest of things,

Had to take a break from it.

Living like the upside was never

Down,

Living like you were the one leaving

This town,

Like I packed away that leave on,

You know you got to get on,

Get on your way now.

I was looking for the satisfy,

For the reason why,

For the deeper conversations

We could have had.

I got good,

When it was bad.

I got bad when it could

Have been good,

Showing up later on Ya,

Showing up all showered up.

This is that kind of thing I don’t

Want to write about,

I needed you now

I needed the shout.

I needed this to be all

About that.

I needed you to leave,

I wanted you to stay.

Don’t unplug, you see,

Don’t unplug like that TV.

Don’t start going down,

Like the basement is there.

Like it won’t get far from near.

Get good on me,

Get bad no more,

Can’t break that,

Can’t cap that salary.

Get the leave on,

Or stay stuck here with me.

For 2

On December 13, 2017December 27, 2017 By jareddiehl88In California, CHRSTIAN LIVING, CHURCH, Community, DAILY LIFE, GUILT, MIND AND BRAIN, Tuesdays in PomonaLeave a comment

Thought I’d be the one to share this with you,

This night has never been blue,

It’s always been dark and black,

And it feels like I’m on the attack,

If this is nothing but the truth then that’s good enough,

Cuz at least it’s better than hiding,

And we all know how good you are at that,

If there’s something to say and to speak,

I hope it comes out of a place of need.

It took two to get here,

Two stories to tell,

Two crimes to commit.

Yeah in the end I feel it’s just one,

One More Night,

One more crime,

One last time,

Is never the end of this ride.

Everyone has got to have a reason,

To make that movie again,

To get to filming,

To get to remembering..

I can’t lock this away anymore,

And pretend like you don’t hear me at

The door,

I think I have to stay,

But it’s because I want to.

I think you have two more friends,

And two more places you can still go,

I think you have 2 sins you hate,

And two directions you can go,

I know this night had to be fast,

Trying to find you,

Trying to stay a little bit longer,

But the two hardest things in life,

Is everything that has to do with making

Things right.

So leave this place,

But don’t try to pretend and stay,

And if you try to run away,

I hope you have two more reasons,

Why that place was never good enough,

And, while you’re on the run..

There’s two more times,

For two more crimes,

They are fear and regret,

And I think more than twice

They will try to come back again,

But this is where I need you,

To be the better friend.

Fast

On November 19, 2017December 27, 2017 By jareddiehl88In 60 Days of Poetry, BIRTHDAYS, California, CHRSTIAN LIVING, CHURCH, DAILY LIFE, MIND AND BRAINLeave a comment

Birthday was 11-13. Reflections.

Life is moving fast,

I stopped flying on your pass.

I got tired of risking it.

I got tired of missing it.

Life has all been on the mobile,

Moving slower than quickly,

Moving faster than that decade

We called influence.

I read that always wasn’t necessary,

That I was low on my library.

Cause all I had was knowledge,

All I knew was knowing.

Life has kept up this pace.

Fast has been the secret place.

Been running low on space,

Got to many pictures

To hold onto.

Got to many memories

Of You.

Fast and loving at the same

Time,

Hard and true with a little bit

Of kind.

I was a little high on the addiction.

I was a little confused by the tension.

How could You really be in control,

How could You really let me live

This slow?

It has only been mobile,

Life in the solo.

It has all been a fast paced

Memory.

It was always about those

Memories You used to keep.

All about those histories

We would someday read.

I was never to great at sitting still.

It was much better to find the thrill.

I needed Your grace, it could never

Be affordable.

I needed Your love, it has to be

Portable.

I need Your truth, it has to cost

Something.

I needed some proof, it can’t

Be everything.

Trap

On November 2, 2017 By jareddiehl88In 60 Days of Poetry, Able Source Adventures, ADDICTION, California, CHRSTIAN LIVING, CHURCH, DAILY LIFE, Discussions, Eternity, FAMILY, FILM, MIND AND BRAINLeave a comment

Trapped in the

Tired cause I stayed

Tied cause I left,

Left in a rush with

It, Left you in the

Hush of it.

Got caught up in the

Lust of it,

Wanted a new rust

On this.

Shaved it off by

Time, with the mine,

All my belongings on the

Optimal,

On the

Bottom oval.

I was after the white.

No house.

Politics of the

Modest mouse..

Were we ready,

Or just present?

Were we better,

Or just the only one’s?

Going back is for this.

But life is forward

And so is green.

So is mean and lean.

New Sabotage

Or new garage?

New way of living.

That old house wasn’t giving.

I am not sure what it all means..

But I take pride in getting there.

I take a lot of Joy and pride in the process,

And the journey.

But these capital letters

They are faded,

Cause meaning has become

Jaded.

Is church the next topic?

The next baby carrot?

To chase,

To circle,

To black without white

To home without house?

Isn’t it the same party

No matter who you are with?

Or this just all in my head?

Cause it was funny for a little bit,

Then, you were like..I am gonna stay

Here for a little while..

I thought I could get some extra from

You, thought I could go those miles for

You, thought this white had a house,

Had a mouse, had some corners,

Or is this your trap, and

Your fade back?

THE RUCKUS JOURNAL

Category: CHURCH