Hey friends, how are you? I can’t even pinpoint when the last time it was that I wrote a post like this. I am alive and I do exist. This blog started in 2007 when I was 21 years old and I was in the peak of ministry time in Kansas City. The blog has not died and I love that I have never taken it down or deleted it. It is similar to videos that I have made and even though a lot of that stuff has been lost some things remain.
I don’t want to be young again but sometimes I want a redo on decisions and choices. I am a follower of the faith. The Christ faith. The word Christian and go to church makes most of you cringe. The pandemic has made many fall away from the faith and by ‘fall away’ I mean stay at home in sweats and watch online..ha ha..just kidding! I am not here to point out what you already know. You know the world has been absolute chaos and 2 years ago we were at the start of a wild time. So, how am I doing now?
I don’t really want to write a long post on me. If you want to catch up on some things listen to the Louder Now Podcast.
I want to surrender. For a couple of years I have attended Celebrate Recovery. We call it Celebrate Life at Humanity Church. I want to press into more of God and more Jesus flowing in my life. I have had many reasons to walk away from the faith. All the reasons have to do with mental ilnness but I haven’t. I want to give it all. What keeps me up at night is this burning desire. A desire to live wholeheartedly. A desire to not waste time. A desire to make an impact. A desire for greatness!
Do you do this to? Have you stopped or tuned out these thoughts? Are we now at a place where the desperations of the past that we could call hunger has faded. It has faded because no one can be trusted. No leader. No system. No freedom. No one can be trusted. What is true and who do we follow?
I don’t want to regret much but I do. I can’t change the past and I can’t unstuck myself at times. I am weighed down with the grief of certain choices as it reflects in my last poem Clear Land.
Love is the cure and living in total surrender is how we fight the regret. Time is your greatest commodity. Use it wisely. However, the fear of being perfect is also an illusion. It is not about making perfect choices. It is about reaching towards the one who is perfect and letting Him lead you. Have you faded away? Have you stopped showing up? Do you regret saying no more than saying yes! There is hope. I urge you and myself. Surrender. 100 percent. Surrender.