We write our New Year’s resolutions but we had them all along. Each year is progress…
This isn’t a new year without Your
I am not certain I have built something
You would like.
I am not certain these thoughts have been
All about You.
I am certain that the years past have not
Been all about You.
If I was to lock it in
Like one would do at a wedding,
I would have to say I can’t, not today, not now.
All this commitment floating around me,
All this free wedding photography.
Yes, I too, have captured your moments for you.
I, too, said I would and I said I would do it for free.
I am not certain I would do that again,
Film and shoot and shout it out,
Tell your story, and do it for free?
I am not certain I am ready for free,
Or even ready to charge you a fee.
I am only certain I want to something
Something of a wed, on a Wednesday,
These are uncertain thoughts.
Pressed on this mattress,
Spinning and turning since 8 in the morning,
Backwards days I thought were past me.
I still think of her,
And you at the same time.
I couldn’t make it up,
Make up the time?
Decide if this was the right kind.
I know you thought you could stay and I wanted you to.
August was a starter,
July 31st was the day it started with you.
The day of weddings in summer times,
Yellow shades like James Bond,
The last recording of the old camcorder,
The Hi-8 Tapes of Dana Point,
The last Marriot,
The last time I saw the outside world.
I couldn’t decide.
Did I want to stay in the breeze,
And the Dana Point,
And the main point,
And the time you met me at the beach
In that pink blaze of beauty,
In that high school memory,
The first of love and burning
And late night madness,
All of it was!
All of it had to be!
When July 31st came,
It came and went,
It all was love,
It all of summer,
It all was indecision.
Taking hits and giving in..
Thought I needed it..
Device for the devices,
Can’t see the scar that fades away..
And your head too,
And that tea a little soft too,
Lost, and you dig,
Where is often,
Is it daily?
Is it now,
Is it a minor concussion,
From all the hits.
July 27, 2018
Days turned to night with you,
Embarrassed a little with you,
Or maybe because of you,
Stretching Thursdays into Fridays,
Watching night fall,
Bitter ending trails to form from
This new kind of norm,
Escaping from the ache,
Moving towards the mistake,
Taking it in the gut,
Sick, in the rut,
For the secrets keep you stuck.
Passing nights with you,
Falling in circles,
Spinning a little bit too,
Asking for fixing,
Looking for wrenches,
Lost in the trenches.
Sent on a mission,
Entering the submission,
Day’s past were wrapped in the past.
Locked in and loved it for the sake of no one,
But got you in here,
Lost and insecure,
Really, resting, unsure.
Really, had you going for a minute!
Took you down the roads, and into the
Pathways for the past were in this heart.
It wasn’t the first time, or the last time that you
Would be udone..
But it should be the last of these last missions
You call home, and away!
And everything felt a little better hidden away..
In the dark,
In the shadows.
Am I not the kind that could love the light!
Am I not the kind that would fade with the night!
Am I on a mission,
Or is it You that I am here for?
Middle man for a second,
Dropping you off and leaving it,
Summer was over,
Leaves were left for you,
Summer had a little sad,
I knew that was because of you.
Missed you now,
And a little then,
Gifted with memories
But not with forgetting.
Dropped it to,
For this place had a lack of
A lack of thirsty,
I knew I had a burn,
And a scar,
And a place to light it all.
I was stuck for a little,
At it for a while,
Here for the arrival.
It should be coming soon.