Raised, Pt. 2

What you want,

Is what you can’t find,

Cause sun was always on the

Hide,

It was always on the rise,

You made some light,

You carried it tight,

Locked, and surely

Never right,

Tomorrow the shades are getting

Darker,

The purity is burning away

With all the vile things love

Can say,

I wanted to go there to,

Down and up,

And moving towards the shameless

Role I knew you could always play,

I was raised to hunger,

I was raised to wonder,

I was raised to stay under

The covers,

And ask you now?

Can you stay there,

Can you be the one to

Stop this madness,

I was raised with a pure dream,

Now its just a nightmare to

Stay asleep,

These eyes are bright for

You,

Made light for you,

It could kill me soon,

To see you to soon,

To swallow some stars

Without the moon,

I too had to start somewhere,

Raised in pieces,

Still picking them up,

Raised to see,

And that is the

Next part,

Actually seeing..

Commas and Periods

Hello(from the other side) I must have tried a thousand times..Ok, you know the song and so do I. I have never been content with this blog and yet it continues. My discontentment lies in my own turmoil as a person and aspiring writer. I want to do more, and I talk it a lot but it seems a struggle to find a way.

Screenshot_2016-04-30-21-39-47

 

You don’t have to listen. You don’t have to read, but life is moving forward.

It seems like everyone has a story, but not everyone tells it. Not everyone takes time to develop a life worth living. We can’t do that apart from God the Father.

Just come back to Him. Just live again. Darkness comes and darkness seems to be a period.

The end of a sentence. The final gavel that will follow. It feels dark and dreary and I live in California.

I am not here to waste your time. I am here to tell you, don’t waste your time.

I am not here to make it easy on you to read. I am here to say something. I am here to search for the depths of something meaningful.

I think feeling all over the place keeps us feeling like we never have a home. Sadly, many people have a house, but no one to come home to.

In a world where connection seems a click away. Being alone is another period. You think you will never get married, or be with someone worth marrying, or someone wanting to be with you for a lifetime.

I know you got a lot more in you.

Often people are more led by what they feel, and not by what they know. I can’t be the only person that has caught on to this. ENFP that is my personality, so emotion is fuel to inspire, and I know that is true at 30 then it was at 10.

But what you are it goes on. A comma is a pause between two ideas. I should know the rules of the written language better. Nothing is final, and there are times when it feels like it is.

You are at the edge, I can just feel it. I am feeling it for you. You can’t expect this post to just end,  you got to live, you got to go aand live, you got to go and fail, you got to keep putting commas past your problems, you will go on, you will continue.

“For we have no continuing city, but we seek the one to come.”

I am holding back from really telling you about your future.

I used to tell you the Ruckus like I owed you a reason.

I used to make more noise without any fear, so what happened to those days?

Cause my voice is getting smaller, but that fear will continue to come at me, and we will continue.

 

 

 

 

Dear Diary

I have so many journals and in the last 4 months I have been writing in my evernote more then I have been on paper. Here is a glimpse of my all-over-the-place-feeling Journal. This is from a couple of weeks ago..

Today is the day to lay ahold of what you are called to do.
Over and over again you hear from the pulpit that you need to do something.
You need to prove to yourself that your faith is more than just an
idea. You need to show
Us that you believe. Show me that you do and do.
It is the revelation of the Yes that I need more than ever in my life.
It is Cory repeating it on Sat. Night–you are never, ever gonna let
me down. Look, I miss Kenny, sad that I couldn’t see him this morning,
but it is because all of this change grabs the heart and guides us
away.
There is something about talking with Cody and thinking about Sunday
nights that I really like and I really want to be apart of it, and at
the same time there is this thing that says ” I want to do my own
thing.” I want to start my own small group.

Poem #22: Digger

It is time to work,
Are there any options?
Years of hopping,
Days of sitting,
And seconds of wishing,
The past is fading with the
Dusty skyline, still got feelings
Like the alkaline,
Low on energy,
Like dead batteries,

Life is endless freeways
Yet nothing is free, ever-
A walking toll road of
Consequences, a payment
Plan stopped in mid air,
A life full of despair,
A bloodline of depression,
A floodlight of acceptance,

It is time to work,
To get on the rig once
Again,
Are there any other options?
Is it not a daily fight,
A daily right,
A daily press in with all of
Your might?
Today is the day before the
Last night comes,
To push in again,
To become a full time
Winner,
It starts with being a full time
Digger

60 Days of Poetry: #18 Love Somebody

Love somebody,
Call for nobody,
Back alley kind of thinking,
Getting away with darkness while
Living like the light,
Had the way you moved
Remembered forever,
Burning in the heat for 100
Bucks more,
Blisters for the love you have given me,
Now nothing I ever want cost for free,
But now everything is a different question
To ask,
Everything I ever wanted to be
Avoided the nobody,
Love somebody,
Pour it out and over again,
A red lined overload,
A purging synergy,
For all of pain’s energy,
I am no mystery,
I just want it bad,
That rabbit hole called
Wonder,
That love somebody
Thunder,
Gig life like the only part that
Made us alive,
Raised to believe love was on the
Stage, love was the final page,
And our choices were never up
For a rearrange,
Gig life made it simple,
Made it complicated,
Made it all sound so
Anticipated,
Love somebody now,
Before it falls apart

Poem #11 Airport With Me

Literally tonight( 4-20) I am up late writing three to four posts all at once.  Sometimes that is just the way that it is. Raw and real and certainly Jared Diehl. Ok, guys, that’s the last time I will say my name like that. Overly pretentious and well, yes, I do like my name.

Airport with me is about a few different things. It is friendships that I remember more than anything and in the past 4 years so much has changed in that area of life. Moving to California for the second time but the last time in 2013 has marked a whole huge chapter in life. Since 2014 I have lived in Pomona/ La Verne, and I love it. I have been blessed with some great people. Most of life is anticipation, and most of the battle is in what you expect yourself to feel about stuff that hasn’t happened yet. We fear losing those closest to us.

Life in fear is at the airport. Life in fear says you always have to keep your bags packed. Life in the realm of losing someone because you have nothing to begin with, keeps you on the red eyed flights and never, ever at rest. This idea is getting threaded through the 60 day marathon of poetry.

Airport With Me

Spring fever,
Knew you to be clever,
Parking lot endeavor,
Stayed up late on the torn up couch,
Like that sunny day when we should have
Thrown it away,
Pee stained mattresses on Rockaway street,
But what I remember,
Will be that which is forever,
Spring happened again,
New season to live again,
New love to try to swim in,
Summer to far ahead of us,
With bright ipad lights to guide me,
No hands on the steering wheel,
Plane mercy for the steal,
Airport runs like red eyes mom
Used to live in,
Friendship like the jetway,
Always at the edge of leaving,
Always within the place called
Uncertain,
Want to say you were on the rig with
Us, but none of you were there,
Iced coffee despair,
Walked in out daily,
Then back to stuck,
Back to pencils,
Back to nothing sharp,
Back to the beginning before
I met all of you,
Now I am wiser one year later
And nothing stays the same,
Airport with me,
One more time,
I am not ready for you to
Leave,
No hands on the steering
Wheel, I know change is real,
I know I will always feel,
I know that won’t change,
But staying is never easy,
And neither is leaving,
Airport with me,
But next time, I will
Be the one embracing the
Journey, like the blood in me,
It flows steadily,
The desire for a departure,
To see you again,
For you to sign off on
Death, for only You hold
These keys

 

Memory Wars

Inspired by my last week of being 29. November 13th is coming soon to a theater near you. As a child my parent’s would ask me, “Where is that movie playing?” I would say, “in theaters everywhere.” Switchfoot songs and especially their last album Fading West has been a source of inspiration. Here’s to the memories we have..good, bad and eternal.

Remembering to often

Waiting for the coffin,

Another nail for the unseen

Hail,

Remembering those words You

Spoke way back when

That red couch was my best friend—

Anger for the stranger, anger before

The manger now I am the manager

Of my own destiny,

Now I am forgetting the nails, the side

Splitting of Your body, a doubting Thomas,

A doubting spill of the dross,

I empty the burnt things,

The new signet rings,

The sealed love of the greatest

Song to sing, one more week before

The twenties end,

One more 30 years to get it right,

To live with waste is as good as

Haste, for I cannot move forward alone—

All or nothing at all is the song I sing,

Slipping away past the memories that

Haunt me, everyone has a fractured father,

A broken mother, a lost brother, a beautiful

Sister—but is heaven really my family,

Are my enemies really actually with me?

All or nothing are these memories,

Remembering feels like a curse,

Tomorrow could be the hearse,

Tonight could be the end—I will

Never know, I will just trust today,

And live with memories that have

Shaped me

Sermon At My Church

I got to preach last month at our Sunday night service. Got to speak on Righteousness. It has been such a blessing being at New Life in Pomona. I love this place! Thank you Cody, Craig and Billy.

How to Help your Kids with Depression

My mom has helped me so much over the years be more than just a default I need your help parent but has been my rock and my friend. Just like the into the light video this is the start of a series of videos tackling depression. My mom talks about what a parent can do. Filmed where it all went down in Laguna Niguel at Salt Creek beach.

Ever Changing Terrain

Down with the roaches

Now I have all these approaches

Lowly on a colt

Lightning in the bolt, I am full of the cult

I sipped it for years—

Are we sick with wondering

Or are we just wandering?

Hopeless romantic,

Feeling pedantic,

The rules have changed

The terrain has shifted

No longer does man choose love or

Choose good or choose anything anymore?

Lovers of self, lovers up on the shelf,

Saving mercy for a rainy day,

A storm to come,

Our love is on numb,

This pain is growing

The gadgets are losing their grip

Its an endless maze of what is next—

Bigger, faster but worse and worse it

Gets—cycles of regret, adulthood is

An ever evolving force–

Its remorse, but really it is not

Its regret but really its apathy

Its pleasure, its endless pleasure

But to what measure? To what end?

To where now can we comprehend?

Its evil all around, its a lie to believe anything else

Its still a choice, I choose heaven, not Hell