Category: DAILY LIFE

It was the latest of inventions. It was the greatest of intentions.

It wasn’t anything anyone said. It was all in the things I did.

No one started this but You. You are capitalized, and you are in the sunrise.

You are this reflection, cause its about to go a different direction.

I am not abstract enough to tell you I can’t be specific, and when I am specific it isn’t just about one thing. Read this enfp article: ( just ask me).

We do have our ways of never saying exactly what we mean and think and that feels way to much of an excuse to creatively lie, or insult people.

I am afraid of wisdom. Maybe it is because that’s all you have ever told me to go after. I am sitting here in Kansas City on a trip remembering that this blog and a million other memories and ideas started in this city. 2007 marked the year of the Ruckus and many other revelations, and where do I stand 10 years later?

Who is really following me? Who is a real follower and who is spam?

I mean I am after the real but most of my emails aren’t. And if Facebook is a church to attend then everyone goes and no one really knows if you stop going, but everyone will know when your life gets jacked and messed up..and then you should stop showing up.

I am up late taking to a blog world that probably is listening closer then those around me, but fear, see fear is the intention that stays the same. Fear is the mother of invention. You invent to survive. You invent to stay safe and you seem to follow anything and anyone that keeps you living a little bit easier then you did before.

I don’t want the spam. If God is an equation and if hunger starts the conversation then I feel I must start talking and asking again and again. Is just my life and its experience, is that enough to have a message? Because there seems to be a reason why I can’t just make it all spin around back to me and something I did, and someplace cool that I lived, it has to be about You, God, and what you started in us.

You are not spam. You are the one worth following. I will climb and drown and get close to dying a thousand times. It might feel like its fake, or to fake to be real, or to hard to be worth it, but following rarely isn’t anything but the best thing.

My intention is love even though it looks like fear. My invention is not anything I came up with, but it is asking for a wise voice to have, to not fear it..

12 hours before airport life starts again. I’ve gone 5 whole days without being at LAX.

Any small mistake still takes away from a large success.

I think I have I’ll start with walking and maybe have a conversation with the mailman..quote this …

Thought you would be the one,

Be the one to save me,

Be the stay in the stay with me.

I was just trying to assess,

Trying to assess my weakness,

It was always for you, it was always me and You.

Now I am trying to continue all those days that don’t

Have you,

Now I am staying up all night waiting for the next

Flight, I know you never liked me traveling, and moving

Around so often,

It felt like a coffin,

Like a dead zone for you to sit in,

But I wanted to be the one to do the things I

Try to love.

My life is in circles,

Its a virtual tour,

Its a daily explore,

So maybe you should stop being so afraid,

So afraid of things changing.

I just wanted to continue,

With or without you.

I just wanted to let go of trying to

Find you, or trying to show up just

For you.

I know you like the stage,

I know you like the attention

I know you will never forget to mention

All the reasons you wanted to stop this,

But I can’t be the one to make you continue on,

I need to move on too,

Past you, past summers, past fireworks,

Past everything that ever was great about trying

To figure you out.

I wanted the wild kind of prayers to pray,

I wanted the wild kind of love for You

I wanted the summers to stay free as

Long as there was a you and me.

Maybe I am still writing about the same themes

Of my youth,

Maybe I am done looking for the proof.

I am hooked on more than a feeling.

I am hooked on believing.

I am not faker,

I am no taker.

I am no perfect kind of lover.

I just wanted an edge to stay on,

I just wanted friend to lean on.

I just wanted another someone,

Cause I got to much to say these

Days to keep it in, to keep it deep

Inside of me.

I am going to continue,

Even if it seems like its without you,

You already took up my time,

Took it all up,

Now I am still bad at growing up,

And not accepting what must continue.

It is real to be here, and it is without you.

And that is fact that will continue.

I asked for the continued version 

Of life’s mission .

I’m Friday babe ,

I saw you the other day.

Not really cause I just can’t do that

Anymore , you know going to the store

And hoping to run into you ..

This series I am working on has to do with a lot of choices of the past. Connecting child hood raising with getting older and making choices on your own.