Not ready for you to go,

Not ready for you to know,

All I have wanted to say

Is let you know that

I cannot let go,

The phone rings and

Your voice stings,

Voicemails pile up,

And you haven’t changed,

Same old love that

We never got,

Souls set to rot,

Are we forgotten,

Am I ready to remember,

Every December what kind

Of Christmas will we get,

Did you bring gifts,

Or a fit,

And rage on this blank

Page,

When I fall asleep I see your face,

I can’t leave this place cause this

House is cheap and I am here to 

Stay,

No one wants me to leave anytime

Soon, I show up and say I am 

Not leaving, but do they know,

I am also not living!

I escape a little when I see you,

And I can’t wish for things to change,

Are we waiting,

Or are we wishing,

Cause you were never giving,

Now we should be quitting,

Circles of chairs and words on pages,

I am not ready to stay and I am

Ready to go,

Ready for departure,

Cause you were a broken father,

And now we got to get to living,

Are you ready for that?

Late night and back to you,

Again and again,

Late in this thinking,

What are you drinking?

Is it the water you are

Chasing? 

Dead or is it living? 

Walking in circles,

Always pacing,

When we talk is

It magic in the 

Listening,

Cause all I keep hearing

Are the things we are saying,

When will we change our ways,

And get it going new,

Cause all I got these

Days are visions of You!

I am not leaving,

But I am not living!

And the only way to
Move is to die,

Surrender, die,

And surrender,

Again in my thinking,

The fullness,

The fullness is what I 

Am drinking!

Is this the place you appear,

Cause I rarely feel you here,

What kind of land is this?

Land of fear or the land of the clear?

I’m looking for you,

I’m searching in the day,

Can’t find my way,

Are you home,

Are you alone?

I felt that fire when you left,

Moved away to the west,

Is this ocean love now?

Eyes are bright red,

I’m faking dead cause I’ve 

Lost my life,

His voice is a hallow,

And I can’t give you a follow,

This heart is burning up,

When am I gonna grow up,

Told you I had to let you go,

Saturdays were your days,

All those miles trying to find you 

Am I sure or just guilty?

Made a hobby out of your body,

Lost in hotel lobbies,

Elevator kind of love,

Got high off of you,

Crashed and burned in night skies,

Can’t look you in your eyes,

How many words were lies?

Reasons to stay,

Reasons to go,

I wanted that pleasure and 

How much does that cost?

Showing up here a liar,

But all you see is fire,

When and where will you 

Appear? 

No one says You gonna come soon!

This land is my land,

Is that a demand, or can You understand?

I’m not leaving, but I’m not living!

Is this place here for fear,

Or can we call it the land of the clear.

Winds of change,

Pain in the exchange,

Looking and seeking,

Can you rearrange?

Written about you 

On a blank page,

Told your story,

Had some misery

In our history,

Are you a distant

Memory,

Can’t get you out of this head,

Alone in this bed,

Wanted lust instead,

Now I am dying on the inside,

Clicking on everything that looks

Like you,

Do the winds blow where you live,

Or have you stopped listening?

Pain in the exchange,

Is your life new,

Cause I am looking for

Sorrow where I can’t 

Borrow,

Got you at the intersection,
Asking for resurrection,

Will you come around here

Again? Cause your eyes tell

The story of your soul,

You’ve lost control,

Nothing is the same,

That’s part of this exchange.

Gotta say I am sorry and 

Tired, worn down in this

Town,

How many times did I stay

When I should go,

And now you gotta know,

It will never snow,

And pour and fall,

And get cold after all.

We are warm together,

Warmer weather,

Like California,

This is where I stay.

I am here, and sorry

About yesterday,

I should have never

Let you go,

Now I can’t let go.

Gotta say those things

Again that you were good

Again and I should have

Said yes to ice skating

With you.

I made a hobby out of 

Knowing your body,

Now your soul is out

Of control,

And your heart is with 

Me wherever I go.

I should have looked you 

In the eyes,

Told you no lies,

Let my truth guide

You,

I am still a man 

Without a clue.

Gotta say I am sorry

For just saying sorry,

Its all you hear of me

These days.

How long has it been,

Since you were in,

In the schedule,

In the rotation,

Earth on its axes,

Grace in access,

Love in excess,

Was that all it was?

When I fall,

I fall hard,

Closing eyes as 

They sleep,

Are you up, still,

Thinking about me

Are you still,

Was it a thrill to

Follow you,

Was it hard to let it go,

Christmas without snow,

But it was a flame,

It was not tame.

How long will it be

To let go of you,

To try the move on,

Cause the fall is hard

And the words are sorrow,

You cannot borrow,

Love was a hobby,

What about your body?

It was enticing,

It was inviting,

Where is the past,

It couldn’t last,

To many pills at 

Night, 

To many tears

In the day,

It was your idea to

Go away,

Sitting back in chairs,

Sleepless nights in L.A.

Where you gonna go now,

Cause you are still,

Here in my dreams.

Closing these eyes in those

Days when you stayed close,

How many nights did I devote 

To you? How many hours?

Time stood still,

Love was the thrill,

Better than the pills

I had to take to keep 

You close,

Could it have been 

Beter in that orange

County weather,

Is this town fake and

Lovely, or do I just want

Your body?

Gave up some wasted

Space,

Learned how to talk to

You in person,

But I couldn’t look

At you, I couldn’t

Really love you.

Stood in the rain,

Prayed in the plain,

Fancy words couldn’t

Save me cause this is 

A disorder and no one

Has the cure.

I was never sure,

Never settled,

Never really certain,

You would pull back

The curtain,

Is this a stage,

Are you a sage,

Can you burn the 

Letters in this heart,

This lonely pain is

Getting to me,

I close my eyes and I

Still see you,

Standing in the rain,

And nothing has ever

Been the same.

Closed My Eyes to get away,

When I loved you wanted you 

To stay,

You linger around me,

Ask me lately if I am 

One to be okay,

Is there an eraser,

Are you closer,

Or are we just older? 

I am stuck inside,

Spinning with disease,

Guilt from the things

I said to you,

Are you far away 

Where the wind blows

Cold and can I be bold

And say I didn’t want 

To stay,

I sleep alone,

Love was never a hobby,

I came for your body,

I am left with shame,

Cause I’ve never been

The same since the days

Of bleeding,

I called you when I had 

A reason, was anything

You ever did for good,

Or were you always 

Misunderstood like this,

I needed you,

I needed you,

Needed you,

Needed you

Were you a man now

Typing words away,

Trivial cards to stack,

Did you hate the work,

Cause you did a work,

We heard it,

We felt it,

You dealt it,

I close my eyes and think 

Of you,

I run away and still run

Because of you,

Love is still a cure,

And harder and harder

It gets to hear,

Time is running out,

Time to draw near.