Posted on

The Lines are still long

I have this bias towards film. And is something that has been expressed over and over on this blog. 2008 was really the first year I started trying movie reviews. I had a whole post on Lars and the Real Girl. It was the summer of Get Smart, Iron Man, The Hulk, exc.

When I was in the elementary school days we lived across the street from Carmike 10 in Fort Collins. Right next to Horsetooth Lanes. I think it called Chipper lanes now. Those years were spent waiting in line to see Star Wars remixed or whatever. I was 10. I had this keen awareness then as I do now that films came out and people watched them no matter what financial situation they were in. Movies were the ultimate place to gather no matter what. I am sure in desperate times people would sneak into movies.

Movies still play this role in my life. I think as a believer you view it differently and yet the same as others. I think as believers we have more opportunity to see where people are at and observe what they believe. We live in a glorious tension because not everything needs to be seen. However, the protest syndrome, over certain films like Beauty and the Beast( of which I still need to see) also gag all of us because the uproar from believers just seems somewhat inane and hypocritical. I don’t want to go off on all of that right now. Plenty of us watch Walking Dead and Game of Thrones. Plenty of us( myself included) got way into Breaking Bad. All of these are questionable in their ethics and graphic material. I am a fan of good story telling and realities that come with them, but you do have to weigh if seeing the complexity of evil transcends seeing evil in a way that is not worth just seeing the good story..yikes..complicated( to be continued)

The lines last night were long. The lines were long when I saw Spider-Man. The lines were long when me the homeboys from work saw Baby Driver. The lines have always been long. So what is the point? Are we just checking out? Is depression really taking over so that most people just numb out and 1 and every 5 films has the mental illness thread? Is the Time’s Magazine article that just came out warning us that medicine isn’t working even if we want it to? What is going on?

I am loud about one thing. And how loud is based on how hungry. God satisfies. God replaces what we think does and puts Himself in the center of our desires. If one message needs to be preached more it is the bread of life, the living water..

You need food and God gives it, but what you really need is Him. People are hungry. Hungry for truth. Hungry for risk. Hungry for adventure. Life has become fearfully and wonderfully complex!

You think its wrong to crave story when you are just getting started but the subtext of all drama and tragedy is that God is the source of healing. We will pay an endless amount of money on whatever we think will do the trick.

Isaiah 55:2 “Why do you spend…?…on what doesn’t satisfy.”

I am not after the one answer to fix it all because God does give us the choice to choose how to spend our money and how many long lines to stand in. Please don’t be counting down to black Friday where you inevitably will spend less time with your family shopping for a big screen television. You don’t need it. But what do you need?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted on

Was

Prelude to this: Follow me or not. Set in current time( give or take 12 hours) Follow me on this journey of life and the tension of right and wrong. A lot can happen in a day..

Was in a spin,
Had the win,
Had you on the in,
Had you for the spin,
Do you want this?
Do you got the in,
Club checked,
And curb checked
For it,
Cause everyone is short
On cash,
Short on the hash,
Loaded up with that card
Living the hard,
Without you in it,
I was in it for some lust
In it for some rust,
Cause you could never
hear the way these brakes
Streak,
Or the way they speak,
They are asking you to come
Closer,
To maybe stay over?
I was thinking,
 I should have stayed blinking
Until they faded,
And that was my intention.
You got the was,
You are the past
Because, because
That was last night
And that was the last night
Of that affair..
Posted on

Spin

My life be spinning in circles.
Risk is the theme and so is follow through.
Diplomacy is the skill but so is power
Love is the game but so is lust.
Rust is the result, but so is fat
And sorrow, and sad, and endless
Mad!
The sight of these eyes is not satisfied,
It is filled with lie!
So color me new,
Who am I trying to fool?
I am lost in the lust it takes
To call you mine–
One whisper of your name,
Drives me insane!
Posted on

Follow me, or not

I am usually expressing real and raw truths about my life in poetry. I think I can hide behind the abstract parts of it. I am not even sure who I am writing about. Today is not a poem. Today is just Your Sunday. School is near. Everyone has some new fears to discover.

I used to follow the rules. Daily. Nightly I was stopping you from crossing lines. I used to think that was the best way to live. Now I realize that, that is not risk. Everyone wants to know if what they are doing will be worth it someday. Most of us hide it all anyway. We hide what we follow. We hide our intentions.

I am at Starbucks. I am on the pills. That hasn’t changed in a long time. I had this date last summer. I showed her this video I made where you see my medicine all over the place. Well, I couldn’t fake that one for a while. Altogether, I was living in the dark and to think it was better than being myself. It wasn’t.

I am thinking if someone that knew me read this they would be surprised because that is what living in secret is. It is a surprise when you find out what is really going on with someone. We are children of the light…we are a city on a hill…we expose the works of darkness..

I don’t ever want to have the heart of someone that says, “Yeah, I have read that in the bible, and I am just burnt out on it.” Well, I think I have read it and by no means has it been read recently. And I am tired and worn out. I am worn out by Facebook and people hating church for good and bad reasons.

I am following myself. I am living secretly. I am telling you that this is the first part of many parts of this story. I am meeting somebody. And that is still a secret.

wp-image-1822802388

Posted on

Capture

You got the goods,
You got the roots,
You got the shoots to be completed,
Cause all of life is to be captured.
Your life ending with the raptured.
I do have it,
But do you?
Do got enough of better
To get through this weather?
Cause your umbrella is broken,
And your ripped up seats have
Been spoken?
I wish you wouldn’t have told be
About Italy, cause you know I love
That future destination.
Is life better now,
Or that Texas preacher full of it!
Even is some is true,
My life is still turning blue
And black and bruised from
All the time I have spent
Trying to live for You.
I had the goods?
I had the word, the life,
And the meditation.
And all the dedication you
Poured into me.
You called it love
And progress.
I opened up and expected
You to show up. To take me
Back there under the night
Sky.
To tell me all of why,
and little of what,
And more reasons why
You moved in with deception
And now she is moving through
All of us, and taking us with her
Seduction!
I got no roots,
Cause lust has crowded
In, and Houston was a burning
Dream, with a thousand problems
To scream.
Is this to much for you to hear?
Cause I got a lot left to capture,
A lot left before the final
Rapture.
Posted on

30 Dollars for Parking

Intro: do I need to say this..Hey, I am back. Because I am gone and back and back and gone all of the time. I love the fact that not everything is to be loved about technology. We all know that is has its weaknesses and bad results can come from it. The rise of cyberbully movies( one called that from ABC Family), has us looking at how traumatized people can be over it. So, use this blog for good, and use your writing for good. Even when you express negativity and criticism it is a good thing if we can learn from it. So, hear me now. I am so busy but not busy enough. Writing has changed you cause at least you can read this, right?

I was just in Chicago a month ago. I love that place and have not been to many times. My cousin got married October 2015 and I was able to make a fun recap video with a tablet. A longer and much funnier story would have to be why I had a flip phone at that time. Thanks Dan for the tablet!

It was 30 dollars to park each night in Chicago in the week that I was there. I guess I don’t go to the downtown often. And the funny thing was on the radio that week someone was saying that Chicago is the most expensive place to park. I wasn’t even in downtown either.

All to say it makes me think that part of life is paying for something that seems unfair. It feels really unfair to give a hotel money and they say its a discount but then to pay just to stay at that kind of rate.

What are you going to do with the extra money? I mean, am I going to save that 30 dollars times 5 and put it somewhere that will have nothing to do with parking?

I am not sure. But what I feel like I am learning is how to be mad about the right stuff. It does matter where money goes. It does matter where it stays. I am not going to worry about parking. I would rather fly everywhere. With a cape. With superhero colors. My cape is being dry cleaned anyway so I am off super hero duty. Try to figure out if I am like that really small meta-human percentage of society and I can actually do something like that.

I am not paying for parking anymore, but I will pay to stay. To stay for the right reasons. To stay here and work it just a little bit more.

You can’t develop and grow without it costing you something. So, here we go. It is time to work.

 

 

Posted on

Louder Now

It is a great excitement and a walk down memory lane to talk about the meaning behind the Ruckus Journal. The pause for me has been crafting the best way to say it on the About page and in the format of this blog. 2017 has marked 10 years for a few things and this blog is one of them. A decade of holding the tag ” Sitting in His presence is a great disturbance.”

I think writing( and all of us would agree) just happens to find its way back to personal and yet deeper then you would want at times stories. The constant run on sentence of connecting everything back to yourself. Its humorous at times and painful and tormenting to always bring it back to your life but usually it is because you are starting with you and ending with a vision for others. You mostly want to write because you want to make some kind of impact with what you say. And on, and on, this conversation could go.

Its 3:23am and I am in the craziest week ever only in the weird travel stuff happening stuff kind of way, so the better poem and this and the post called The Last Time have all been on this trip and this trip pretty much happened right next to Texas part 1 the end of July and in between was a wedding, and a wedding before that before that. So, don’t be surprised if this gets rearranged into something else. I want to talk to you. I want to tell you this. You ready?

Louder now and the Ruckus. Sitting in His Presence is a great disturbance. The idea that Ruckus is disturbing the peace, and making us uncomfortable is a constant reality. We are never called to expect a safe ride. And everyone has to wrestle with it. The Gospel in all its greatness is the least safest message around. The characters of the bible make the loudest Ruckus from the one that started the noise in the first place.

Why are we so afraid of failing at something we didn’t start? We are only here for a few reasons…

I will tell you more later but my disturbance is changing. I am holding back from being all that I can be. I am not joining the army but I am fighting the wars that are in front of me.

If I can be loud with meaning then I guess that would be some cymbals that aren’t annoying and less lovely to hear.

Paul is saying( Apostle Paul) that love is measured by the source of the prophecy and wisdom, the sacrifice of the person, This is a much longer series of writings to reflect. Because love is the center of everything pointing us to Christ.

I am louder because I want to be. I am in the process of staying loud about the right things. I did get the Homer Simpson award in the fifth grade but that was more me wanting attention and being loud as the class clown.

More to come. Getting older..