Day #2 Where are You?

Every year in Spring time I write 60 days of Poetry. Here is part #2:

Where are you?
Events in real time and the back of time,
Like standing in the back of the line.
I saw you on stage, yell with some rage,
And turn another page,
I was inspired that loud was making you
You had some things to whisper in my ear,
You had some things to tell me to fear,
It was like the good old days,
When I walked on egg shells,
When you had taco shells,
When all you made was dinner
For you.
Events in real time,
Every year around this time,
I yell in sorrow about the wasted
Borrow, all the time spent on myself,
And putting You on the shelf.
Where are you?
Are you here?
Your sound is loud,
Louder now,
And it pulls me in closer,
Closer to the mystery,
Where else would I be?
Are you choosing,
Choosing all of this for me,
Or are you the events in real time,
Are you now and here,
Cause all I want is yesterday,
A place to dredge it up,
A place to hedge this fund up,
Where are my savings?
Where are the Saviors?
Events, You made in real time,
Choosing me was always a part
Of the plan,
I, still, ask: Where are You?
You must be here.

Why are you?

I have had this blog for over 11 to 12ish years> Jan. 2007 to January 2020..isn’t that 13 years?

Time is flying by. Time is crunched with family tributes and pain and all things in between. Goodness just comes and goes, but so does reflection and so does what I call remembering.

Why are you never around?

When I walk up, and make a loud sound.

I parked it in reverse,

For a quick traverse down your


I had the Phil Collins in Fort Collins,

I had the hockey in the grind,

And in the sign called stop,

And the days of IHOP,

Not the food, but the mood,

Dampened with darkness,

Called the harness of the end,

Called be a messenger,

Be the harbinger,

Be the loudest of the voices,

I called it Ruckus from a young age,

When I had to share a home with you,

When you were in the purview,

I had the best view,

I had the mountain view.

When we were just young,

When we weren’t to strong.

You fled away,

Out of L.A.

Grabbed a spot by the Venice,

By the beach,

By the places that were out of reach.

I had high school,

Some girl named Rachel,

Some fan club friends,

Some midnight dead ends,

Some laughter that turned to


Rage that crafted another page,

Another story,

Another glory we would chase!

When I was called,

You didn’t answer,

Why are you never around?

Why are you making me still,

Make this loud sound,

Am I not enough for this walk?

Are you parked in reverse,

Just like me?

Or you slowly, and steady,

Are you riding out the last days

Like they aren’t coming soon enough?

I, too, have been called,

Was taught to closely

About the end things,

And closing times,

And battle cries we call

Revelation! We call horses

And pale and white colors!

We call seals, and trumpets

And bowls!

You were called to

When noise was never turned down,

When all you wanted

Was reverse,

Was backwards,

Was the rapture,

And the final password.

Why are you around?

Why are You still a loud



Time stamp: 11:25 pm Pacific Time/ Los Angeles time. WordPress reports different times.

Newsroom, Season 3 is on..( random notes I am writing)

Sucking on lemonheads..
Sleeping medicine plus some more* all apart of a regular routine of bi-polar.
Stating that these notes are just for memory.
A long ass day..
I fill it in between with things I am ashamed of..
But when I stop f**king around I like the things I think of..
How is Aaron Sorkin living his life these days?* Newsroom Season 3 is on
Cause I don’t have to think about his politics I just like the intertwining of conflicts he presents in characters and the is almost as if no one is smarter than Will McAvoy..
When Sloan says, “eventually is a wonderful time of day”
I am reading two books while trying to watch Newsroom and stopping to blog about what I am trying to do. I am reading this book called, “Detour!!” about a girls bi-polar life.. I say to Lizzie that so far Chace Metcalf sounds like a total tool and if this was my book I would be writing about a girl named Chace.
Get this book HERE.
The second book has been on the stack of books that are MOTIVATION for THE LOUDER NOW PODCAST that I have been working on…
Paul Tournier and his book The Person Reborn. This book so far captures what the Louder Now Podcast has been tackling the last few episodes..which also adds to a long conversation I have been having for a lifetime and in the last 12 years..and well, right now.
Great quote so far: “I can do nothing more for you, you need a religion!”- Page 11
Life could look like this blog post and usually it does..
Hold nothing back. Your life looks like reading more than one book at a time with more than one show at a time with other things spinning as well.
????????????????????????????????????????……………………..//////////////////////////////////// The End//


Bullet Points

  • Coming off the high of making a Podcast and making progress.
  • Living by this quote, “It is time to do the things you should be doing..” ( from UNFUCK YOURSELF by Gary John Bishop)
  • Using change to pay for coffee.
  • Facing facts that are facts.
  • Googling which diseases I might have.
  • Upon watching 6 seasons of ARROW, I conclude that everyone who is as heroic and self-loathing as Oliver Queen needs the wisdom of John Diggle. That is real friendship. #balance #brotherhood
  • I told myself I would stay up late tonight working on things that matter and those things are deep and personal and have to do with mental health.
  • This list should be longer

Sit With

I need someone too,
Someone to sit with.
It used to be you,
It used to be the clue.
You were less than blue,
And a little new,
A little younger,
A little shape of
Beautiful, and what was
I supposed to do?
All of life became about watching you,
And learning, too.
I had some also, and some And,
And some Because,
Because of us, too.
I needed someone,
Now I am waking up with someone
Else’s arms,
Friday nights,
Hotel fights,
Lyft rides on the curb,
Downtown to disturb,
Later on the on,
For the later on.
I needed someone to sit with.
I needed you to stop sitting, too.
You were afraid, and scared,
And more scared, too.
I woke up in your arms,
By choice, by choosing,
By wanting more.


Sorrow filled nights,
When you were missing flights,
And staying in at the midnight.
When I called and no answer,
I had to live up to this cancer.
Silence is killing me,
Slowly and softly it is No longer a good thing,
To hear no phone to ring.
Louder are the noises,
More than silence,
More than waiting, Waiting for You
To answer this sorrow And this pain.
After all of these years is there
Safety, is there safety in this brain.Is there comfort beyond what I Have known?
Is cold today, Cold in L.A.Is that the endless saying you Still say?
Sorrow filled nights,
No longer missing flights.
I am here and here is home, and home is safe.