Close My Eyes

Got that heavy feeling in my chest,

When you pass can’t get past

Those memories,

Where are you now,

Are you older,

A little grayer

Cause only are you ever

Living in these dreams,

Been alone,

Been home,

I don’t like the furniture,

Where’s the future?

Did you hang up those


Rarely were we ever


Is this a family or are

We a tragedy?

Got this heavy feeling from my past,

When I think of you this blood runs

Hot, were you a good man or not? 

Did you ever think about the bleeding

I did to myself in that moment of 

Sorrow in the evening,

I told you all eventually I was gonna

Be leaving,

Cause love wasn’t good enough to 


Were you in love with me,

Or was that something to say,

Did you feel my sorrow,

Time you couldn’t borrow,

Cause Good-bye was your

Idea, now I only see you

In my dreams,

Been alone,

Been to this home,

And the way things hang here,

You never put up our picture

By the tree, were you living

Free, or were you shackled 

Like me?

I got a heavy feeling in my chest,

I don’t want to keep you around,

Even if its a fantasy,

You’ve been gone and its far 

To long! I don’t think I miss you,

I think I wanted a redo,

One with less pills, and
Less chemicals,

Can’t spell your name right,

Got you out of sight,

But I am alive with vision,

When I close my eyes

I still see you.

At This Club

Why you coming around again

What about when we were kids?

Can I pray away these feelings,

Or are you gonna give me the power,

Cause I’m stuck on desire,

I’ve lost the fire,

Life has been hard without you here.

I’m at this club,

Looking for love,

Are you alone when you 


Is this house a home,

Cause no one notices 

When I am gone,

No one says a thing,

Im driving around daily,

Past you, in your city am wondering my way back to You,

Is this feeling new,

Can you give me a clue?

Are you coming around again,

Back from the past,

Will this love last?

Running on empty when you call,

Adding up voice mails,

I don’t know you anymore,

I think I hate your voice,

Are you distant in this life,

Crossing places i used to 


Asking for a spark to start again,

I’ve lost some love in this pain,

Are you to blame,

Cause I can’t call back,

And hate the things I say,

Is this love or are you gone?

Any minute now death is around

The corner, every child gets a few 


Are you living,

Is this the water you provide,

Cause I’m drinking daily,

Feeding the flame of things maybe

Called lies,

Is there truth in this struggle?

Or are gonna change again?

I make my way to wandering,

Stuck in wondering,

I am choosing dark,

Give me the spark,

Cause I can’t have you 

Calling again.

Somewhere else

Your back against the door,

Your feet not on this floor,

Starving as a child,

Cursed with wanting


I thought love was wild,

But you showed up mild

And untamed,

You were reckless,

And now we are far gone,

Oceans have changed,

But your voice is the same,

This heart was never full,

These pills show me dull,

You were a raging bull,

Could we control you?

Were you love or were

You misery?

I lost some time,

Lost some mystery,

I’ve been falling down since

You called,

Since your voice is a delay,

I don’t call back right away,

Why should we stay together?

Is your blood thicker than water,

Are you the trusted Father,

Or is there living water to

Be found,

Somewhere else,

Some place far from you.


Not really sure but are you frozen,

And can you still move?

I remember when we were 


Brave was a song sung,

Now things are gone,

And you haven’t changed,

Your voice is sure,

It hasn’t changed.

The living room was not

The same,

We had to rearrange

For to many days upon

Many days,

Waiting for the time change,

For things were already dark,

And darker did things change,

What do you remember?

Do you remember me?

I found some love in the things

You did, and the things I 

Never said,

When is death, is it soon?

And will You show up,

Show up the way we plan.

Will You come in love,

Or will you divide us,

Are your words good,

Are we like wood,

Will we burn forever

Without a thought of you?

Is this the start of the end,

Or are we here to ask 


Is there sorrow when you

Speak, or am I high above

All that you do,

Is this the part where we end

This now, cause I can’t go 

On with this feeling,

I must feel something,

Are these pills for real,

Cause they cancel out

The feels, and I am 

Passing through sorrow

Like it can’t be phased,

Where is love? 

And can it change me!

Loud music plays and we 

All dance through the night,

Your body is a wonder and

It passes by me,

If I had that kind of lust

I would truly be free,

Is that love,

Or is that a lie that lust

Could only fulfill?

Are you the man on fire,

And does your love spin

With wheels within wheels,

Will I look up and find You,

Or will I stay down,

Lost in this land of fame

And safety,

Am I the King you said I 

Would be, or am I poison,

Lost in tragic masculinity?

Is this about my dad,

Cause for him I got it bad,

And there is no going back!

Do I need a book for all to
Hear me, or will you come

And save me!

It is getting late and You are 

Still far from this place,

I can’t go back and find You


I am here to bend,

And to listen.

If we truly would know you

We would all be frozen,

For love is like heat,

It burns in me,

Sorrow stays to long,

But you cannot be moved,

Or controlled,

Love is a storm that

No one knows about,

And I cannot stay still,

Stay frozen,

Stay the chosen part

Of the stories you tell,

I bow down,

Still, and I choose to 

Live, for God only knows

How long it has been.


Tell me what kind of line to cross,

I know I have crossed them all.

Is there wonder with pain,

Or do you have the answer

For why everyday is the same?

Cause I can’t go back,

And that is where you live.

Passing your house on

The weekends and

The bookends we call

Memories together.

You still call when we don’t

Want you to,

We still yell when you are 

Not around.

The rocks crash up against

The waters you used to

Separate us,

I am fading daily into a time

When you never knew me.

I am crossing lines that you

Said I shouldn’t,

I am bowing down and 

There is a missing 

Ingredient to all of this.

I thought it was love,

But It was something else,

I thought it was romance,

But it was something

That could be taken away.

When I wake up,

It feels like sorrow is

There and I despair

Your voice I cannot


It is drowning out in

Noise and can I try 

New things,

Can I make something new with 

You, or is your love a costly 


I cannot let go,

Of the lines I have crossed,

And the things I did to You,

So what is next,

Is it future,

Or are we gonna stay

Where it can’t last,

Stay in the past.


Where is the trust

And where is the thrust

Do you see me when I close the door?

A rush you call more,

Your feet not on this floor,

We have walked away long enough,

Are you enough?

Is this an empty heart,

And do you fill all the things

We desire,

Are you gonna come,

Where we can be found,

I erased those videos,

Deleted those memories,

But You cannot forget 

Anything, and don’t You

Not want to forget these

Memories anyway? 

Where is my trust,

Is it in You,

Am I sure of all that You do,

Am I going to be sure when 

You call it favor,

Am I the child you never had,

Is this always about having a dad,

Can I find You as Father,

And call you living!

Where is my trust,

When things fade

Especially yesterday,

Are you called the Living one,

Is this the today you have won!

I carry this cross,

Even when its called

Mental, and sorrow is

Always a feeling,

But not a filling,

Is yesterday a never

Going back,

Are you the One that

Knows the future?

My trust is growing with 

The rust,

Cause fear has been 

Here much to long,

And what are You gonna

Call me to? Is there risk

In the things I ask,

Is it a disc that spins in 

Your head,

Will you call me into


Will it be further then 


Is this trust wearing thin?

I say Yes anyway!


Bowing down in surrender,

Growing older in November,

Embracing Your October,

Does disease grow on you,

Does it wear you down?

Thorns made into crowns,

Is this a new town,

Or are you always around?

All I know is separation,

Your story on repetition,

Coming home,

Not your house anymore,

Your feet not on this floor,

Packed away all your things,

Let you go with the wind,

Anger has me in,

I needed you to be a 

Better man,

Can you try to understand?

Got the memory of you locked away,

Got it like its rotten, like it will never

Heal, are you the reason for 

The appeal, is this the reel that 

Plays in my mind,

You didn’t get better with time,

Oceans away but nothing has


I put on the miles for you,

Left the day in the light,

Stayed with you in the night,

Can’t remember what we said,

Your body was used instead

Now it stings when the phone 

Rings, did I choose wrong,

Or can I do the right thing?

Are you lost on me,

Does Your love save,

Or is this the end anyway?

Could you go back with me,

To the beginning,

We weren’t winning,

Your presence was a loss,

And we are still lost.

Am I back to rebellion,

Or can I come home,

Again, back to You,

Back to surrender.

Louder Now Episode #91 with Robert Manolson

This was such a special and unique episode. We have never had a podcast like this before. Jared and Robert talk mental health as men and also do something that has never been done before on Louder Now. Jared and Robert take 7 things you may have heard others say to you when you are suffering and struggling.  They go back and forth with discussion. Language is so important when we talk about mental illness and mental health. We can easily assume and say the wrong thing to those who are suffering. Having empathy when times are tough is really important.  

Here are 7 phrases/ sayings we discuss on this episode: 

1.Don’t tell someone to snap out of it..that is not possible…something like that. 

2.  Have you ever read any of the books written by ____________ ( author )? He/she has written great stuff about _____________ ( ie. mental health )

3.      I’m not sure if I can help you because I’ve never really experienced what you are going through.

4.      Have you ever tried Meditation?

5. Things could always be trying to compare it minimizes the struggle/ dehumanizes the person.

6. It is all in your head..This is first of all not accurate because depression and mental illness is also in the affects everything. It can’t be this simple..

7. It is all a part of God’s plan..this could cover any faith or whatever your higher power in that is helpful but can be harmful. No one really knows God’s plan. How can we give a reason when we don’t fully know the reason for ourselves? 

Robert’s BIO: 

Robert Manolson, BA, CCDP (Certified Career Development Professional), Leading Fun At Work & Team Engagement Expert, & Mental Health Champion is the Creator & Facilitator of Powerful Play Experiences, Positive Workplace Mental Health…For Teams. For 13 years now, Robert has traveled throughout Alberta facilitating the most amazing team development & team success workshop experiences.

His message is simple. “Business Leaders! Never, ever doubt the impact of fun at work, and building a culture of highly engaged and happy teams. This truly is the easiest and most cost effective strategy to raise positive mental health levels at your workplace.” 

If you want to reach out to Robert you can find him: End of show notes:National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: call:

Suicide Lifeline at 1-800- 273-8255

or text the word “help” to 741-741

Also is a great resource.

Please email for questions and comments and if you would like to be a guest on the show.