The Change

We write our New Year’s resolutions but we had them all along. Each year is progress…

I got a long list rolling around in the back of my mind,
Pulled up to the front,
Burning in a rut,
Stuck on some structure you never gave,
And a new life,
I have to cave,
And go back,
Again,
To hyped up nights on the edge,
To find some lights to follow,
While the dark could swallow.
3 years later, we are still at it,
I mean a longer list that you have made,
At the top was the love that we lost,
And the hype around this thing called
Forever,
I got stuck,
Stuck in different beds
In different nights,
In the same kind of fight.
All I’ve known is the road,
And tires,
And mysteries,
And darkness,
And hotels with no
Windows,
And all the while I was
Caved in..
Not better,
Not worse,
Not the same,
Not the blame.
But now I am different,
Now I am shallow,
Now I am out of the hallow
They name,
And into something else
You claim..
I am into not being the same,
And forever change.
I got a longer list rolling around in my
Mind,
A longer list of all the things that I need
To change.
Advertisements

60 Days:Windy

City to me,
Come forward with me.
Standing for you,
Sitting feels to new.
I texted, I messaged, I said I would
Never live like this again.
Friday in L.A.
That hasn’t been the way.
Hotels for you,
Hotels with you.
Living out of the end of the
New.
I am ready for city.
Ready for windy.
Cause safety,
You remember
Safety? We ditched
That a long time ago.
Caught up in the net.
Feeling the regret.
All the miles on the ten
for you.
All the miles back and forth
With the wishing and the
Wishing.
Sat with the upstate,
Sat with the hesitate.
Can’t see you happy.
Can’t see you new.
Can’t keep playing these videos
Like they were the only creative
I ever knew.
Its beats, baby.
And the windy city
That has me.
I came out here to hide.
I came in here to burn for
You.
Now you want a spin,
Now you want to spiral again.
Take me with you,
Cause at least that’s
Better than the upstate,

Day 4

Wired, wired it up.
Phone lines, phone lines all tangled up.
13, that’s when.
That is when you started it again.
Because you never answered me.
You never explained how to live.
I always was wired.
I was on it.
I was with it.
I was asking for you to listen to
It.
I was raised with You.
I saw the things called blue.
Why was everything black,
Or all white like this town?
I wish you would hover,
I wish you could cover,
I never made it anyway,
You are the one who created
The color.
Phone lines all tangled up
Because I never knew who to
Trust and who to listen to.
I was wired to that television,
I was wired to the notebook too,
I was wired and talking,
I was endlessly dreaming.
I was caught up in the same,
When all you ever wanted
Was to teach me about change.
I am still wired,
But I am tired.
Countless hours going backwards,
Countless minutes wasting away.
Wired is the theme,
But letting go is the
Dream.

The Mattress

Trying to wait for it,

Trying to save up for it,

Moments without those moments,

And memories of future,

The linen is spinning,

And clean at last,

If I waited what would happen?

Dirt is building,

From all the mudding,

Inside I am climbing,

I am climbing for you,

I am climbing to You,

I am asking new,

I see green lights,

I see no more waiting,

I see fake profiles,

I see fake messages,

I see beauty without

Heart and tattoos with

No meaning,

I see love as a stage,

I see love as a phase,

I see love like it is a daze,

You can try and wait for it,

You can try and save up for it,

Moments without those bad

Moments or better or the

Worst,

Cause this mattress has been

Here to long,

I love being away cause I can’t

Go back to my home,

The place where rest is

Forced on me,

And the past is presently

Sleeping with me,

You waited up for me,

But I am not anymore,

I see it as a stage,

I see it as a step,

I see it as another leap

To take,

One that has a lot of

Mistake

#17 Building Something For You

Building something for you,
Waiting up for you,
Everything is sweating,
Every tear is venting,
Every gossiping part of me
Has you on the airwaves,
Late night to get it right,
Living in that downtown area
You called paranoia,
But fear does involve
Not love, but fear does involve
Endless ceiling stares,
Endless ceiling fears,

I am still looking for the materials,
I am still burning with your minerals,
I am still driving around your block,
Throwing rocks up at your window,
Looking into that soul of yours,
Asking for control,
Asking for the seasons with you,

Building a home for you,
Finding the right floors for you,
Waiting for to walk all around me,
Waiting for the time to slow down with
You, building this for the love you have
Given me,

I am still looking for the materials,
The right white paper to write my thoughts
For you, to scribble the mysteries that are
Necessary, that could never be solved,
Looking for you took much to long,
But now that I have found you I need
More time, more of you to unwind,
More of you in the sand, more of you
In the sun, more of you til the morning
Could come, more of you to say no to,
To get another chance at regret,
To get closer then ever before,

What is mercy anyway,
Is this about a girl anyway?
Is this about all those places no
One ever could fill,
Those endless times I wanted
You close to me, but I am not sure
Who you is anymore,
You are still on my mind,
You are still wasting all my time,
You is everyone who has ever gotten
Close enough, to keep me buff,
To call my bluff,
To pull the cards out from me,
To bet it all,

I am still building,
So grow with me,
Back to the airport was a while
Back, I don’t want the lack,
I want that pure, innocent love
Back

Memory Wars

Inspired by my last week of being 29. November 13th is coming soon to a theater near you. As a child my parent’s would ask me, “Where is that movie playing?” I would say, “in theaters everywhere.” Switchfoot songs and especially their last album Fading West has been a source of inspiration. Here’s to the memories we have..good, bad and eternal.

Remembering to often

Waiting for the coffin,

Another nail for the unseen

Hail,

Remembering those words You

Spoke way back when

That red couch was my best friend—

Anger for the stranger, anger before

The manger now I am the manager

Of my own destiny,

Now I am forgetting the nails, the side

Splitting of Your body, a doubting Thomas,

A doubting spill of the dross,

I empty the burnt things,

The new signet rings,

The sealed love of the greatest

Song to sing, one more week before

The twenties end,

One more 30 years to get it right,

To live with waste is as good as

Haste, for I cannot move forward alone—

All or nothing at all is the song I sing,

Slipping away past the memories that

Haunt me, everyone has a fractured father,

A broken mother, a lost brother, a beautiful

Sister—but is heaven really my family,

Are my enemies really actually with me?

All or nothing are these memories,

Remembering feels like a curse,

Tomorrow could be the hearse,

Tonight could be the end—I will

Never know, I will just trust today,

And live with memories that have

Shaped me

Sermon At My Church

I got to preach last month at our Sunday night service. Got to speak on Righteousness. It has been such a blessing being at New Life in Pomona. I love this place! Thank you Cody, Craig and Billy.