Dry Land

Don’t pretend like you know

What this heart is about,

Inside it’s a drought,

It’s still raining out,

Time is moving 

Along,

Inside it’s all

Gone wrong.

Falling asleep to 

Falling and

In my dreams

I find some relief.

Spending my days

Driving in a haze,

Working to make

The money,

But inside of me

Is poverty.

Still talking about being a kid,

Like all those times you didn’t

Do those things you said

And you pressed down

On me instead,

You didn’t have anything 

Special to offer me,

We just took that 

Money for the 

Offering,

We did the 

Sunday show up,

But inside we

Didn’t grow 

Up.

Can’t walk it back,

All those nights of

Talking back to

You, you still 

Call like nothing

Has changed,

And we are all

The same.

Everyone around here

Keeps talking about love,

But no one mentions

Mercy,

I can’t follow You until

I am thirsty.

I used to have some fire,
Now all we do is

Talk about desire,

And can you do

That rewire thing

To my brain.

I am falling down,

And its going around,

Some lost don’t
Want to be found,

And your voice is 

Here while you

Aren’t around.

Outside has some 

Color,

But try to understand,

Inside of me is 

A dry land.

I used to have some

Hunger,

Now we keep talking

About how it’s over,

And I am going over

All the things I never

Knew how to say to you,

I think it’s to late

To start this again.

I think I stopped on

That step about

Making amends.

I want to be a grown up,

But how do you make

The past burn up?

Who out here has the 

Plan for how to be a man? 

Don’t pretend like you

Know the rain,

Inside the tales 

Are all the same,

Try to understand,

This heart is a

Dry land.

Falling Down

Falling down,

Bowing down,

Walking but

Not on the 

Ground,

We let you stay here

For free,

Now you want a 

Today with me,

All for some

Sympathy,

But you never 

Changed,

You never

Explained.

Were we poor 

When we 

Wanted more,

Or were you gonna

Change everything?

Bowing down,

But not to you,

There was a cost

To the times you 

Stayed,

We knew the 

Word,

Trust for the 

Slayed.

You roamed around,

Like a lion on the

Ground,

Never wanted you around,

I look down when I walk

Around,

The cost of you 

Has caught up 

With me,

I got nothing,

Not even sympathy,

I was trapped inside

With you,

You are gone

And its been long,

Now I am trying to

Be a man and 

You never had

The plan,

Can’t let you know,

I have to let you go.

Another Night

Won’t be the last night

I try to do right,

Got you as a memory,

Close to me,

Was it love,

Or just your body?

How many months

Are you gonna keep

It like this?

Do you like

Being liked after

Midnight,

Burning the miles

To find a way to

You,

Are you low on

Being alone,

Are you tired of

That home,

Piles of things

You can’t let

Go of,

Things to move

Out of the way,

Why are you

Like this,

Is the night

Soulless,

Do you want

Another night

To get it right?

Will this be the last time

Around,

Or do you like the hollow

Ground? 

I’ve tried to say no,

And a little of the
Let go,

But I can’t let

You know,

I don’t know how to go slow,

I am listless

Over making lists,

Changes and things 

To rearrange,

Or the sound I make

When I stay the same,

The last time I saw you

I was leaving,

And you were

Believing

In all I was 

Saying,

I can’t love you today,

That’s on the shelf,

I can’t sleep next to you

Any day, and anyway

Are you the one,

Or is this done?

This won’t be the last night

That I call you to get it right,

I miss the things you never

Did say,

Now I am a lover but I am 

In the way,

Lost in the sound of 

The hollow ground,

Cause soon enough

You will have had enough

And you will forget that love

For you was on my lips,

If I say you will stay,

And is that what you 

Want, another night

Where its this way?

Follow Up

Following Up

And not showing up,

Is this place safe,

Or are you away?

Falling asleep without

You next to me,

Going backwards

Again and again,

Can’t just be friends,

Can’t just live again!

Did you see the sorrow,

Did you follow up?

Did you grow up with

Greys instead,

Are you sure of the
Love you gave?

Is this safety,

Or did you run from me?

Told you secrets and

Dreams,

Tried for the tied,

But never could win

With you,

Now you are sinking

And falling to,

Did you ever follow up,

Couches orange when

You wanted to show up,

Are we safe now? 

Are you unsure now?

I am drowning down

And night after night

I am asking for your 

Name to reign,

Can you calm the

Storm of sorrow I 

See? 

Did you follow up?

Did you follow to?

Can I just follow through?

How many days have you 

Been through without

You,

I can’t follow up

Or show up like
I used to

I don’t Have T***

Grammarly..not my strength. If writing is all you need you have to make sense..help me later.

Time is like a cuss word if you use it like that’s what it is.

It goes without your control. It keeps making you decide things. How will you spend it?

Time is like a cussing streak..if you keep wasting it.

Have you ever yelled at someone then regretted it?

Don’t yell at time. You will regret it.

Control is everyone’s favorite thing yet finds itself tormenting you.

I won’t waste it because I won’t not try, but where are you at in what you want to spend time on?

You do have it..even 10 minutes more than you would say you don’t have..

This is meant to inspire you. Comment on this if you have thoughts about time and everything else related to getting things done. The things, and dreams that you want to pursue.

#time

The Leave On

*This is a series..here’s part 3..
Still the strangest of things,
Had to take a break from it.
Living like the upside was never
Down,
Living like you were the one leaving
This town,
Like I packed away that leave on,
You know you got to get on,
Get on your way now.
I was looking for the satisfy,
For the reason why,
For the deeper conversations
We could have had.
I got good,
When it was bad.
I got bad when it could
Have been good,
Showing up later on Ya,
Showing up all showered up.
This is that kind of thing I don’t
Want to write about,
I needed you now
I needed the shout.
I needed this to be all
About that.
I needed you to leave,
I wanted you to stay.
Don’t unplug, you see,
Don’t unplug like that TV.
Don’t start going down,
Like the basement is there.
Like it won’t get far from near.
Get good on me,
Get bad no more,
Can’t break that,
Can’t cap that salary.
Get the leave on,
Or stay stuck here with me.

Noise

Who’s watching is making a different noise?
And His fear are the hands
You don’t want to fall into.
They are the living kind,
The terrifying kind of alive.
I am the fear of that body on the inside,
And what it means to be here forever.
Don’t cast me out to the gnashing,
Where regret has its circling,
Please keep Virgil next to me,
To show me the circles that wait
For me.
I am Dante on the rock,
I am Dante in the peak
Cause even he can’t outrun the
Storm to come?
I was kissing your steps
And licking your wounds,
I was praying for a monsoon
Cause who doesn’t love a
Good storm–

Louder Now

It is a great excitement and a walk down memory lane to talk about the meaning behind the Ruckus Journal. The pause for me has been crafting the best way to say it on the About page and in the format of this blog. 2017 has marked 10 years for a few things and this blog is one of them. A decade of holding the tag ” Sitting in His presence is a great disturbance.”

I think writing( and all of us would agree) just happens to find its way back to personal and yet deeper then you would want at times stories. The constant run on sentence of connecting everything back to yourself. Its humorous at times and painful and tormenting to always bring it back to your life but usually it is because you are starting with you and ending with a vision for others. You mostly want to write because you want to make some kind of impact with what you say. And on, and on, this conversation could go.

Its 3:23am and I am in the craziest week ever only in the weird travel stuff happening stuff kind of way, so the better poem and this and the post called The Last Time have all been on this trip and this trip pretty much happened right next to Texas part 1 the end of July and in between was a wedding, and a wedding before that before that. So, don’t be surprised if this gets rearranged into something else. I want to talk to you. I want to tell you this. You ready?

Louder now and the Ruckus. Sitting in His Presence is a great disturbance. The idea that Ruckus is disturbing the peace, and making us uncomfortable is a constant reality. We are never called to expect a safe ride. And everyone has to wrestle with it. The Gospel in all its greatness is the least safest message around. The characters of the bible make the loudest Ruckus from the one that started the noise in the first place.

Why are we so afraid of failing at something we didn’t start? We are only here for a few reasons…

I will tell you more later but my disturbance is changing. I am holding back from being all that I can be. I am not joining the army but I am fighting the wars that are in front of me.

If I can be loud with meaning then I guess that would be some cymbals that aren’t annoying and less lovely to hear.

Paul is saying( Apostle Paul) that love is measured by the source of the prophecy and wisdom, the sacrifice of the person, This is a much longer series of writings to reflect. Because love is the center of everything pointing us to Christ.

I am louder because I want to be. I am in the process of staying loud about the right things. I did get the Homer Simpson award in the fifth grade but that was more me wanting attention and being loud as the class clown.

More to come. Getting older..

Better

No its gotta be better
I am in it through the winter,
Fall is coming,
Your song is singing,
This summer was overrated
A little less hot without you,
I am the one burning,
Burning all the way,
IMG_20170714_055915
Ready for the skin
and the sun to fade away,
The bones be left,
In the valley,
The sentimental line,
The rental kind,
Not everyone needs to know
Everything,
I see Miami
I see FLorida,
I see east of the sea,
i see everywhere we are gonna be,
I see the waves crashing,
Future of you is near,
Future of that is past,
I regret the smaller part of
That memory,
The burning Houston,
The burning moon,
The burning away of the
Noon,
I still here,
Valley and all
Elah for the fall,
The slaying of Goliath,
I am ready for Florida,
I am ready for heat,
I am ready for those
Rings to go on repeat,
Your sun is setting,
And where are we now,
Texas is already in the past,
And you, You are the one that
Will last,
These terminals are calling my
name,
Claiming you the same,
I am the God who starts it,
You are the man that finishes it.
I am the race,
I am ready for the pace,
I am broken in the night time
I was sitting for the Uncles
I was living in the troubles,
Glass elevators as kids,
Now I knew we were the ones
To claim
We were the ones to blame,
Cause it was better back there,
But its better here,
Its better tomorrow,
I got a pile of broken
Batteries, a bigger one for
The lost one’s,
I got a problem with sorrow
Its gone by tomorrow,
It was a bigger time back then,
Building something better,
Better than living,
Better than daily,
Something that was
Crazy, something that
Has faded away,
Something learned that
Is better anyway,
I am better now,
I am ready for Florida,
I am ready for Miami,
For those rings to
Go on repeat..

Part 1

I have come to this place.

Like I was without volition,

Or any ambition.

I was the one that heard it from you first.

I did all that I could to try and listen.

You were just a beautiful kind of vision.

I said I would start working out for you,

I would start running for you.

Didn’t we meet in chaos to begin with?

So now I am in the volition,

I am on a day off still in ambition.

I am still wondering why I ever tried so hard

But it was because of the way I was raised.

I was raised for you to see,

All the shining parts of me.

I am in it now,

Waiting for this part to stay the stage,

To never wonder the next page,

I am the risk, and the wonder.

I am raised this way,

Raised in thunder and raised in rain…