Sermon At My Church

I got to preach last month at our Sunday night service. Got to speak on Righteousness. It has been such a blessing being at New Life in Pomona. I love this place! Thank you Cody, Craig and Billy.

How to Help your Kids with Depression

My mom has helped me so much over the years be more than just a default I need your help parent but has been my rock and my friend. Just like the into the light video this is the start of a series of videos tackling depression. My mom talks about what a parent can do. Filmed where it all went down in Laguna Niguel at Salt Creek beach.


Caffeine tower

Empty lighter

Cigarette full of empty

Something to say has always haunted me

Talker, fast walker, a use to be runner

Sunny side up on those eggs

Dark shadows like bags to carry

Roads real scary for those that want

No fear—worthy is a worthless word

Without the work of not being sure—

Effort is a slave to the peace it takes

To please You, never a yoke without

A stroke, never rest without nights of

Regret for time spent on paying rent—

Is money my curse when I don’t have

A purse to fill with empty pennies?

Questions with no answers is my cancer—

I will answer them in due time

But until then I will sacrifice

The caffeine, the sugar, the lean

And the fat and the news that You

Reward those who seek You, its in

Your hands—the rewards that You


Face Him

Cops verse the cape and
There is still an ache,
Fake tattoo forged for
You, selfie us the wretched
Tragedy, alone is the new
Suicide, behind the phone
Is the new home,
I cannot call out anymore
For I press sleep in and
Snore, but now is the time,
On the curb man waits and
Doesn’t hesitate,
Add the weight,
Add the sugar
Add me a new flavor,
I am dead while I seem to
Live, but I will not stop,
I will give it all,
I will face Him,
Behold, says Him, do not
Waste your youth,
Death is proof nothing
Can do it like knowing Him,
I will spin in circles
I will push myself down,
I will not just survive,
I am going to face death
And the fear that comes with it,
I will last more than my peers,
I will know more that all those
Around me,
If that is pride then I do
Not want to hide,
I will face Him,
I will ask again,
Keep me alive while
I remain in the pain of
Living this life


Many times it feels that just intending to do things for God or for the sake of love and being feels as if that is not enough. Is it strange to think that God rewards those that follow through and doesn’t to those that don’t. This is not an issue of being saved or going to heaven. Clearly there is a distinction but it seems very offensive to think that part of operating in God’s grace is the individual being held accountable for results not just intentions. Just a thought and also something that bothers me daily. I am in and rest in His mercy, but I refuse to waste my life on that which will burn away someday.

Death takes it for me,
Cause it’s the norm around me—
All have fallen asleep,
Live like zombies,
Encased in warm bodies—
Enclosed in unceasing hobbies—
I thirst for the truth,
Are not all depressed?
Are not all suppressed?
Are not all supposed to
Hear it clear and fear no
Evil? Are we all the watchmen
Of our own souls?
Are we all to broken to
Remember ever working
Rightly—brain is broken,
Death has spoken, I seek
To make the impact—
To keep love intact—
I am in the shadow
And I am falling apart–
Daily choosing the wrong
Parts—the pieces, the
Attractive things that seek
To lust it out on the lists
Of life, listless I am now
Of the lists I have made—
Of the intentions that have
Been dismayed—I am just
Intention now, I am just
As fallen as him or her—
Or those that live in a blur—
Can the projects be resurrected?
For hell awaits all those with
Good intentions—hollow me,
Hallow me, shine through me—
I am tired of talking,
Of living like summer will
Never end, its over, its gone,
No more sand, no more fire,
No more works, no more of
The closeness you used to feel—
No more promises just the nonsense
Of being a fuse, being empty—
Listless now, for tomorrow dares
To show me a new opportunity,
To hopefully change

Temple Days

Reflecting on Kansas City. Grateful for the years I spent there.

Temple days,
Want your gaze,
Want to amaze in
The ways of your grace,
Years its been of looking
Within and eyes on Him,
Pacing I did to remain
Steady and true, but now
A new wide eyed view,

The temple has been removed,
And I am just left with my heart
And soul and to you I
Lift my gaze of the temple
Days and let you love
Me the way I was made

For on the seconds on the
Clock so am I adding up
The time I spend and
Expend on you,
Let it increase as my
Days increase

Outside My Head: A new Kind of Trust

I’ve never been to good at titles, I just want you to read. I am listening to this band called Cider Sky, so if they are shady or something please let me know, they seem to be Postal Service style with some Starbucks attached to it, in other words; really good blogging music. The pen is blue….ROYAL BLUE!!!!!!!!! and that is what has been going on in this head. I am a little all over the place today but I am sure of one thing and that is trusting Him is the word this season.

Ps, 37 burns in me right now. Wait on him, commit to him, delight in Him, trust in Him and in the process of committing to the Lord He will make you like Him. I have been, as well as some of my closest friends, in a season of change. Every post ATC month like September gets me reflecting on what a great summer that was, then as the fall leaves start to change and I pull out the warmer Gap clothes ( thanks Jackson!) I slip into more questions to God. I start to ask: what season is this?

I am now looking back at the year of 2012 and having just turned 27 I am really seeing that Trust is the word of the Lord. Trust in God. Trust in simple truth. Trust in who God says He is. And Trust in who God says I am.

This blog has gone many directions( if you have been following from the beginning). January 2007 was a glorious season of the NW days with Zack and myself living every moment to blog our lives.2008 morphed into a post-reflection of the sleepless nights that tested and tried me in a way that I never had experienced. 2009 was poems like a waterfall. It was the time I lived in Orange County and watched so much pain take place and redemption happen at the same time. The award-winning( Shoreline Awards) poem ‘ it Hurts So Good’ became the emblem of that season of life. 2010 continued on to be more poems and the transition back to Kansas City. 2011 most likely is when I started to really shift to reflecting on film and movies which is the current ambition in my life. And now 2012 has a mix of all of this: God, art, poetry!

The point in the recap is that Trust is the word in all of these years. I just turned 27 this past week and it hit me very hard that trials and suffering will always be a part of the journey but the only thing that will get me through it will be my declaration of truth over my life. I cannot change unless I trust God’s leadership. In fact, I will not change unless I submit to His ways.

This is not pressure to change on my own. I have done that to many times. That is a religious spirit where we are kicking and striving in our own power to transform ourselves. I am talking about speaking the word over ourselves and becoming like Christ!

If anything I have learned in 8 years of being in Kansas City, it is that I cannot change myself but in order to change I have to face myself, and that is the challenge for all of us.

It is very easy to hide behind entertainment or Facebook, or tweeter( ha, ha its not really spelled that way), but silence and stillness, those are the hardest places to be.

So, the word this season is to trust.And if you really trust God I believe He will carve out a path of risk for you, he will ask of you to take chances that require looses some things but gaining more things in His timing, in His leadership. I think often we forget that God is always using our present situations to create in us a future that is built upon Him.



Picture frames down and earning crowns around you

Love abounds inside of us now, in the air and talked about

Daily, come to me you said slowly, but in hesitation I blasted

The music loudly and thought rapidly that I am not good enough

To pick myself up in front of you now, for years of shame have

Created a distance between us, tempted to stare at that mirror

Daily and doubt you daily and write myself off hastily now, self

Hatred and unhappy that’s not for me, for the resurrection has

Slipped inside my vision now and commanded that hesitation to

Go away, stones rolled away have gotten in the way, the vision

Of you is haunting me and removing all the hostility, fear has crept in

No more and hesitation has now been destroyed for the images

Of you is much to greater for me to deny the Savior and I still

In need but I do proceed to live afraid sometimes and you

Calm that all the time, so sleep peacefully tonight and

End the hesitation inside me now

Here’s The Future But No Promises

Well I am back at taking time to invest in the writer in me to actually produce stuff or else how am I a writer in public?

I’ve made a million promises on this blog as to where I want to go with the Ruckus. The current loud-smashing news of my perspective and my ploys to create. Ambition must meet intention must meet reality and production. Making Ideas Happen is on the list of books to read that might help with that.

Last year I hit a vein, not a literal vein, although I could discuss how getting blood drawn is the worst experience ever, its up there with the dentist.

I had the pleasure this past summer with my job with Awakening Teen Camp(led by my best bro Zack attack!) to work with amazing people. This past year I taught 8 sessions on media in an elective 2 hour format. It was a lesson learned in time for sure. But in preparation for the class I gleaned on one major source. Story by Robert McKee.This book will transform your life if you want to write for the screen. It has made a huge impact, a paramount one in regards to how the future looks.

So, 100 pages later of notes(almost) I had a ton of material that I really didn’t go through. Its an endless subject and why not bring you into it.

So look closely into this blog and look forward to my thoughts on mastering the art of storytelling and the future of stories to come. It will do nothing but inspire you to write with passion and love for reviving storytelling.

Recommended Readings: Story by Robert Mckee; Screenplay by Syd Field; Fitzgerald Did Itby Meg Wolitzer; Poetics By Aristotle and many more to come!



The Power Of Fasting

Its good to be back writing for this site. I love it! Today, I want to talk about the power of fasting. You might be thinking, ugggh..fasting is so hard! Why? Well, that is a normal response but let me give some clarity to this.

Fasting in the bible is mentioned multiple times. There are many types of fasting. I don’t want to define where and why these are in scripture. I want to focus on the one most common to myself and those around me; the bridegroom fast.

There are two passages(Math.9;John 3 that connect the concept of fasting for the bridegroom. In Mathew 9 the religious leaders of the day questioned Jesus’ disciples and why they don’t fast. Jesus responded: “Can the friends of the bridegroom mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them? But the days wil come when the bridegroom will be taken away from, and then they will fast.

Jesus is telling us that we are His bride, this is highlighted all over in Scripture. Second, He is saying that He is going to one day NOT be with us and that is when we will fast. But why? ‘Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for they will be filled..right? Yes, we know that the only thing that will satisfy us is Jesus. The ache on the inside of us is the longing that God placed in us to be with Him in intimacy. But while we are alive on this side of eternity we are longing for Jesus to, one, come back for us! That is glorious! And we are also crying out to be satisfied. He is the answer to that groan.

Jesus is the bridegroom and we desire for Him to return. Jesus is telling us: fast until I come back. John the Baptist proclaimed that ‘His joy was full because He heard God’s voice..He must increase, I must decrease!’ John got a hold of this revelation.

So what does fasting do for us and in us? Fasting(food, media, sugar, exc)

1. Makes our heart more receptive to His word and in prayer.

2. Gives us clarity in wisdom and revelation.

3. Unlocks our hearts in a greater way.

4. Makes a bigger target to receive more from God.

5. Causes us to face our weaknesses

6. Produces the fruit of the Spirit inside of us(Gal.5)

I encourage you to take one day a week and fast two of three meals. Eat one good meal that day. Take the time that you would spend eating or having that social time with your friends and tell your parents about it and spend time with the Lord in that time.

Fasting is not about not doing something, its about getting more from the Lord in the secret place.

If you can’t fast two meals then just do one and as time goes on your body will be used to it and it will be a little easier to enter in as time goes on. Just start small, it all counts before the Lord!