Sermon At My Church

I got to preach last month at our Sunday night service. Got to speak on Righteousness. It has been such a blessing being at New Life in Pomona. I love this place! Thank you Cody, Craig and Billy.

How to Help your Kids with Depression

My mom has helped me so much over the years be more than just a default I need your help parent but has been my rock and my friend. Just like the into the light video this is the start of a series of videos tackling depression. My mom talks about what a parent can do. Filmed where it all went down in Laguna Niguel at Salt Creek beach.


Caffeine tower

Empty lighter

Cigarette full of empty

Something to say has always haunted me

Talker, fast walker, a use to be runner

Sunny side up on those eggs

Dark shadows like bags to carry

Roads real scary for those that want

No fear—worthy is a worthless word

Without the work of not being sure—

Effort is a slave to the peace it takes

To please You, never a yoke without

A stroke, never rest without nights of

Regret for time spent on paying rent—

Is money my curse when I don’t have

A purse to fill with empty pennies?

Questions with no answers is my cancer—

I will answer them in due time

But until then I will sacrifice

The caffeine, the sugar, the lean

And the fat and the news that You

Reward those who seek You, its in

Your hands—the rewards that You


Face Him

Cops verse the cape and
There is still an ache,
Fake tattoo forged for
You, selfie us the wretched
Tragedy, alone is the new
Suicide, behind the phone
Is the new home,
I cannot call out anymore
For I press sleep in and
Snore, but now is the time,
On the curb man waits and
Doesn’t hesitate,
Add the weight,
Add the sugar
Add me a new flavor,
I am dead while I seem to
Live, but I will not stop,
I will give it all,
I will face Him,
Behold, says Him, do not
Waste your youth,
Death is proof nothing
Can do it like knowing Him,
I will spin in circles
I will push myself down,
I will not just survive,
I am going to face death
And the fear that comes with it,
I will last more than my peers,
I will know more that all those
Around me,
If that is pride then I do
Not want to hide,
I will face Him,
I will ask again,
Keep me alive while
I remain in the pain of
Living this life


Many times it feels that just intending to do things for God or for the sake of love and being feels as if that is not enough. Is it strange to think that God rewards those that follow through and doesn’t to those that don’t. This is not an issue of being saved or going to heaven. Clearly there is a distinction but it seems very offensive to think that part of operating in God’s grace is the individual being held accountable for results not just intentions. Just a thought and also something that bothers me daily. I am in and rest in His mercy, but I refuse to waste my life on that which will burn away someday.

Death takes it for me,
Cause it’s the norm around me—
All have fallen asleep,
Live like zombies,
Encased in warm bodies—
Enclosed in unceasing hobbies—
I thirst for the truth,
Are not all depressed?
Are not all suppressed?
Are not all supposed to
Hear it clear and fear no
Evil? Are we all the watchmen
Of our own souls?
Are we all to broken to
Remember ever working
Rightly—brain is broken,
Death has spoken, I seek
To make the impact—
To keep love intact—
I am in the shadow
And I am falling apart–
Daily choosing the wrong
Parts—the pieces, the
Attractive things that seek
To lust it out on the lists
Of life, listless I am now
Of the lists I have made—
Of the intentions that have
Been dismayed—I am just
Intention now, I am just
As fallen as him or her—
Or those that live in a blur—
Can the projects be resurrected?
For hell awaits all those with
Good intentions—hollow me,
Hallow me, shine through me—
I am tired of talking,
Of living like summer will
Never end, its over, its gone,
No more sand, no more fire,
No more works, no more of
The closeness you used to feel—
No more promises just the nonsense
Of being a fuse, being empty—
Listless now, for tomorrow dares
To show me a new opportunity,
To hopefully change

Temple Days

Reflecting on Kansas City. Grateful for the years I spent there.

Temple days,
Want your gaze,
Want to amaze in
The ways of your grace,
Years its been of looking
Within and eyes on Him,
Pacing I did to remain
Steady and true, but now
A new wide eyed view,

The temple has been removed,
And I am just left with my heart
And soul and to you I
Lift my gaze of the temple
Days and let you love
Me the way I was made

For on the seconds on the
Clock so am I adding up
The time I spend and
Expend on you,
Let it increase as my
Days increase

Outside My Head: A new Kind of Trust

I’ve never been to good at titles, I just want you to read. I am listening to this band called Cider Sky, so if they are shady or something please let me know, they seem to be Postal Service style with some Starbucks attached to it, in other words; really good blogging music. The pen is blue….ROYAL BLUE!!!!!!!!! and that is what has been going on in this head. I am a little all over the place today but I am sure of one thing and that is trusting Him is the word this season.

Ps, 37 burns in me right now. Wait on him, commit to him, delight in Him, trust in Him and in the process of committing to the Lord He will make you like Him. I have been, as well as some of my closest friends, in a season of change. Every post ATC month like September gets me reflecting on what a great summer that was, then as the fall leaves start to change and I pull out the warmer Gap clothes ( thanks Jackson!) I slip into more questions to God. I start to ask: what season is this?

I am now looking back at the year of 2012 and having just turned 27 I am really seeing that Trust is the word of the Lord. Trust in God. Trust in simple truth. Trust in who God says He is. And Trust in who God says I am.

This blog has gone many directions( if you have been following from the beginning). January 2007 was a glorious season of the NW days with Zack and myself living every moment to blog our lives.2008 morphed into a post-reflection of the sleepless nights that tested and tried me in a way that I never had experienced. 2009 was poems like a waterfall. It was the time I lived in Orange County and watched so much pain take place and redemption happen at the same time. The award-winning( Shoreline Awards) poem ‘ it Hurts So Good’ became the emblem of that season of life. 2010 continued on to be more poems and the transition back to Kansas City. 2011 most likely is when I started to really shift to reflecting on film and movies which is the current ambition in my life. And now 2012 has a mix of all of this: God, art, poetry!

The point in the recap is that Trust is the word in all of these years. I just turned 27 this past week and it hit me very hard that trials and suffering will always be a part of the journey but the only thing that will get me through it will be my declaration of truth over my life. I cannot change unless I trust God’s leadership. In fact, I will not change unless I submit to His ways.

This is not pressure to change on my own. I have done that to many times. That is a religious spirit where we are kicking and striving in our own power to transform ourselves. I am talking about speaking the word over ourselves and becoming like Christ!

If anything I have learned in 8 years of being in Kansas City, it is that I cannot change myself but in order to change I have to face myself, and that is the challenge for all of us.

It is very easy to hide behind entertainment or Facebook, or tweeter( ha, ha its not really spelled that way), but silence and stillness, those are the hardest places to be.

So, the word this season is to trust.And if you really trust God I believe He will carve out a path of risk for you, he will ask of you to take chances that require looses some things but gaining more things in His timing, in His leadership. I think often we forget that God is always using our present situations to create in us a future that is built upon Him.