Interlude- Body

Body of yours,
This life of poise,
This world of noise.
This place I cover,
This place I hover,
Anger you stored up,
Wrath for the hungry,
Treasures for the lonely,
Are you telling me to stop,
Or are you telling me to stay?

Body of yours,
White and pale,
Snow and hail,
Rain and reign,
Are you still king?
Are you still the rearrange?

Cause we never had furniture,
Cause we worried about future,
Cause we needed new furniture,
Cause we can’t change future.

Seated on us,
Seated within us,
This life is poise,
This world of noise,
I am crying out and loud,
Time is going by,
Time is flying by,
Are you still as loud as you used to be?

Is noise what we need,
Or are you louder than you should be,
Is noise what you reign on in the rain,
Is this the last time I talk about things
I don’t do.

Tell me,
Body,
Body expand,
Body of land,
Don’t let this body fall apart.

Counselor

Counselor, counselor
Teach me the story of me
And my plastic dreams
Fire is what I have always
Desired, though it has always
Costed everything to carry
This flame,
Turbulence says me for a life
Of power in the air, power in
The warfare up there,
I love the principality called
Me and my destiny,
Pain has taught me to
Unwind the walls, to say
Yes to the exits that form around
Me, summer never satisfies
For it’s burning gold here anyway,
The heat of no one is the great
Invitation to me,
Lonely is the city of light
The city of angels,
The city of height and width
But rarely it has depth,
Paltry are these requests,
Salted is the mystery You
Keep for me,
History has only taught me
To love all that is not easy,
Warmth daily, comfort maybe,
I cannot demand anymore of
The suite life,
But in You I will embrace what
Any man would run away from,
Growing numb I resist,
Face oneself to love that which
You have made

Downloads

Old man next to me,
Destroying his ease,
Bearded dreams,
Gray in the seems,
Violence around us,
I say yes to it,
I seek for it,
Perverse is the
Reverse effect on
My brain, looks good for
Five minutes, tastes like
Love, feels like intimacy,
But is the new delinquency,
Is the new death that deals
Behind me, he is perversion,
He is lost in his smoke,
His cigarette death is second
Best, his smoke and inhale
Will not send Him to hell,
His downloads downloads,
His gigabytes,
His hype,
His lonely,
His downloads,
He’s electric,
On the fence,
Hell is home
But smoke is in the way,
Fog is there to stay,
Comfort sits in this cup
I drink, do not take it
Away, do not stop me
Now, for I choose death,
I choose to download
All the foul things
That displease you—
I have the choice,
I choose darkness

Fallen Me. Bad News Before The Good News

I don’t have to preface what I am about to say because I can say whatever I want on my own blog. God bless America for this freedom that will be taken away one day by demonic-possessed men and women working for the Anti-Christ all to fulfill God’s great purposes before He comes and slays the heads of every single wicked King on this planet that does not bow before Him..A Jewish man that is the only one worthy to execute justice. So before you think your justice initiatives are really impacting the food ministry at your church does it line up with Christ? Does preaching His Gospel actually go beyond just feeding people and doing good stuff in a church building?

God does not dwell in temples made by hands..

My intro is a little bit of a rant but my aim..please, hear me, my aim is not to judge or condemn..I am examining myself and sharing with you what I am staring at when I look at Jared Diehl in the mirror.

sinners

It is believed that in the Christian life(at least most have some of this going on) that just going to church or activities at church and listening to someone preach on the radio equates to transformation. I do not want to go into all the details of this point because that is a thousand posts to come on the subject of sanctification.

Just hearing truth and the concepts of say salvation, justification(saved by faith, not by works), christian ethics, tithing, giving, forgiveness, showing compassion to a dying world, exc..

Just hearing does not mean change and does not actually mean you understand and are getting it. I think the biggest obstacle to going past just hearing is the already beyond warped conscious that we already possess. Did not David exclaim in his penitence..”In my mother’s womb..I was conceived in sin..”

John Calvin still lives in modern minds today. Calvinism. Neo-Calvinsim. Pelagianism. Mark Driscoll and John Piper–ism(Godly men..not making fun of them) carry the flame of TULIP. Some might add a few more letters. I don’t get all of it but I do agree that Total Depravity is pretty close to bearing its name. It means TOTAL. It means we cannot save ourselves. It means we are not good. It means no one is good.

Romans 3:10-19 says:

“There is none righteous, no, not one;


There is none who understands;


There is none who seeks after God.


They have all turned aside

They have together become unprofitable;

There is none who does good, no, not one.”


“Their throat is an open tomb;
With their tongues they have practiced deceit”;


“The poison of asps is under their lips”; 


“Whose mouth is full of cursing and bitterness.”

“Their feet are swift to shed blood;


Destruction and misery are in their ways

;
And the way of peace they have not known.”

“There is no fear of God before their eyes.”
 Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, that every mouth may be stopped, and all the world may become guilty before God. Therefore by the deeds of the law no flesh will be justified in His sight, for by the law is the knowledge of sin.”(NKJV)

Our world craves darkness. Another passage to be quoted would be John 3:19-21(The whole passage of course needs to be read too) but look at this:

And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed. But he who does the truth comes to the light, that his deeds may be clearly seen, that they have been done in God.”

My world craves darkness. It can be easy to point the finger and think that ‘we are in the world and not of it’ so look at those sodomites, those homosexuals, those sexually immoral..geesh don’t they know that their end is the Lake of Fire to burn in the presence of the Lamb? Yes, all true but I am shining the magnifying glass on me. One Direction can sing all they want, “Let’s live while we are young.” J-LO can loudly proclaim, “We can do anything we want, so live it up!”

death-of-jesus-0108

The world is the world I live in and I am the darkness Jesus talks about. I am the resistance to Him. The answer to the pop lyrics is that you can imagine that you are doing what you want. You can imagine that at college your parents don’t know what you are up to unless you put in on facebook which would only break their hearts even more. You can and I can imagine that ‘doing what we want!’ is what makes America so special and so unique and so set apart from all those other communist dictators out there. No, that is the problem. We will answer for our deeds and for our actions and most of all, for our choices. Mercy is to be had and God is beyond good and will forgive anyone for anything, but it is still a choice. And most will choose darkness.

I am everything Paul lists just in Romans 3, not to mention all the other places. I am all of those descriptions and more and most likely worse then those descriptions.

I have not a very exciting life so its much easier for me to just talk about other people. I guess I am a leader so its okay to break everyone open because I am trying to be a good leader and I am trying to help them. Really? Talking crap about people really helps them.

I think giving a quarter for someone to take the bus is doing a good deed for the day while I am mostly thinking about how I can waste more money at Starbucks, or on movies, or on eating crappy food. But because I please everyone and appear to be doing things right by praying at my church and praying loudly on the microphone I guess I am fighting the darkness..right?

form_of_godliness_3

Sorry to sound negative on myself. I am done beating myself up. I hope I can find life in God to the point of not just talking about my sin with Him. I hope that is not all we talk about in heaven. Its a work in progress.

What I am mostly saying in this attempt to make the point that I highly underestimate my fallen desires. I think I am much better off then I really am. But the good news, however, is that myself and everyone reading this, we do not have to stay this way. Its rather more important for us to understand the bad news before we can rejoice in the Gospel, which means “good news.”

It is both an error to think we are better then what we really are and call our good deeds godliness when it can not be that. “A form(appearance) of godliness, but denying its power.” I fear that we are getting itching ears. And I am, again, looking at me first.

It is much easier for me to believe in a book like ‘Your Best Life Now’ then it would be for me to meditate on Romans 3 and John 3. It would be much easier for me to just feed people at our church’s food ministry and call it making an impact on people or even dare to call it the same thing as love. Love is not food. Love is not stuff. The Gospel is not just for the “blessings” and for a “better life.” Have you read the Declaration of Independence? Have you really believed that we are founded on Godly principles or have some kind of covenant with God because ‘God Bless America’ is the signet phrase on our green money? To my understanding the only covenant nation with God is Israel. I mean Israel in the past and Israel today. So, God so keeps His word that when Israel disobeys God He corrects them by sending the Assyrians, the Chaldeans, and any other surrounding enemy..all for the purpose of correcting them. In Ezekiel alone some 70 times God says, ‘So that they may know that I am the Lord.’ So, covenant with God looks like that. I am pretty sure Russia or North Korea or China have not invaded the shores of America. But is is surely possible if we want to make that kind of commitment back to God.

It hurts to be honest. And the bad news is that we are in danger. We are in grave danger as a country if we think our prosperity means God is for the things we do as a nation. I don’t want to bash America. And God does love us and loves the 300 plus million people who live here..but its still bad news before the good news that we need to hear. Our American Dream is dying. Thanks Adam Smith for breaking it down for us, but it doesn’t take an expert sociologist to say that it is dying. I can’t speak for everyone because I have had a pretty easy life. Yes, my dad was not the best father and my mom stayed with him for much to long and now I have bipolar depression partly because of the abusive home life we had. But no one would have ever guessed that because we went to a charismatic church that loved intercession.

Again, that didn’t change the pain, or the genetic disposition I have, or the negative lies that have warped my mind that now..as a man I have to face so I don’t screw my kids up.

And I love my parents. I still love my dad and my mom and without them I would be way far off doing God knows what. I honor them. I am simply saying that our past is not just buried because ‘all things have become new.’ I hope you understand. We have pain.

Life is hard and I don’t really know what else I have experienced that would put me in a place to hate God because God is not the problem and not the source of the world’s suffering and injustice. He has given us a choice and the choice is ours to now..in spite of our darkness to live lives of humility and choose what is right over what is evil and wrong.

The challenge for us us to make the Ruckus. To make the noise about what is good and who it comes from. Good is from above. ‘Every good and perfect gift.’ ‘God cannot deny Himself’ and that means that He will not compromise any part of Himself. He will always make the perfect choice. If I end up in Hell then He did everything possible for me to not go there. He will be right.

If we can understand our fallen tendencies I think we can better understand the mercy and the goodness that God offers us. I am much to tired of talking about changing and talking about loving and talking about having God in my life when really my life would look a lot different if I was to truly say, ‘God, I need you and I am desperate for you.’

I feel no condemnation. I feel it would help us to evaluate with the word of God and not by the church culture or the culture in general. We are the light. We are the salt. We are not to hide from the world. We are to shine in it.

 

 

 

I Am Violence

I am the defiance on TV
I am the bat bashing in the
Darkened alley ways, in the
Upheaval I am the removal,
I am the violent display of
Abuse that runs in the family,
That runs downstairs, that is night
Terror, that is a word to devour,
No one does good, not even me,
I am the lust on the park bench,
The creeper in the night, I am the
Burnt money, the joker in the end,
A burned world is the one in front
Of me, death is the swab in my ear,
Right is left, subjection is my
Introspection, I am deep in violence,
Babel me, flood me, spiritual sodomy,

My belly is full of poison,
Golden stained coffee grounds
Fill me, I am addiction to comfort,
To a painless summer ahead of me,

No more violence when I rise,
For the lazy man has no plan,

I am all these things I have listed,
A Son was fully subjected to the Father,
Embraced a violent society, they rejected his offering, and still we scorn
His blood, his flood of mercy,
His violent act of love,
I seek, I reek of death,
I am violence without Your mercy

28 Lessons/Facts In 28 Years

In light of my birthday happening this past week, I am going to share short lessons that I have learned in my life. I just turned 28, so lets narrow it down to one lesson a year.

The order does not signify importance. I am not doing this on a scale. Some of these might be tidbits/facts on my life.

1. If my family had had  a video camera for the first 10 years of life I would have loved to see that footage. But I am grateful for the pictures.

2. The first thing I ever put on paper was a pink sheet that said, ” I’m Unique!”. (when I was 9 years old) I put on it that when I grow up I want to be writer(I think that has come true)

3.  Working hard at everything that I do has been a trait that has carried me all of my life. My Sophomore year of highschool I was named the hardest working player on my ice hockey team. Something that was later said to me in other times in life.

4. I have worked 23 jobs in the past 12 years. My favorite of them all was Trader Joes. The first time in 2009 was here in California, and the second time was in Leawood Kansas, 2011 to Nov. 2012. I was truly blessed to have been apart of that company.

5. I have learned that in speech, less is better than more words, even if you are trying to be the center of attention.

6. I live by the words of Paul in 1 Cor. 15:10″ I am what I am..by the grace of God!”

7. In my fire in the night internship I started a study in the book of James and now 9 years later, it is probably still my favorite NT book.

8. I still aspire to make a documentary on teens in America. I believe it’s a topic worth talking about.

9.  Love is the center of everything. Make every aim to fulfill what Paul says ‘do everything in/with love.’

10. Depression and metal illness is NOT a result of a believer lacking faith or doing something in error with God. The error is in thinking that you are being punished. Faith and science need to be examined and valued in helping others with this struggle.

11. I am unashamed to say I am a fan of Justin Bieber. And much prayer for him is needed.

12. I have noticed a growing trend in movies and television that both reflect a deep darkness in our society. The most popular shows and films deal with a deep sense of ‘good people’ doing horrible, dark and shameful bad things. And it is that thing that gets us hooked into watching it.

13. I have learned that patience comes only by being put in situations where you are constantly inconvenienced by people. That is how it works itself into you.

14. Big speeches are hard to come by in the creative process but I had a couple good ones in high school, both at graduation in 12th grade and ninth, and also at my youth group.

15. Random confession: in the moment of writing this I am listening to Dashboard Confessional. I had recently posted that I am done and don’t miss listening to them but gosh darn it makes me want to write some love poetry.(And the last few have been kind of sort of about that but I never name names or times, you are just gonna have to guess for the rest of your life)

16. If you want to travel the world and do all of that then you simply just have to do it and figure out the practical later on.

17.  I have learned that certain named girls have never worked out for me. Not because of them personally but maybe because just the name brings on vibes of bad luck.

18. Top four favorite albums of all time: Mae’s The Everglow, Mat Kearney’s City Of Black And White, Switchfoot’s Hello Hurricane(love you red eyes!) and Cory Asbury’s Let Me See Your Eyes. And Pas Neos’ Who Do You Say I am is becoming the next favorite.

19. Both my parents were flight attendants and my mom still is, so maybe I should try it for a career and answer number 16 with doing it for a living.

20. If anything to be an expert in I would choose faith and depression and mental health. Using scripture and science to speak with power and wisdom on this subject. I want to major in that.

21. Best two movies in the past year: It’s Kind Of A Funny Story and Intouchables.

22.  I want to answer the Lord on that day with a response that says, “Lord, I gave you and gave the effort to give you all of my heart, mind and soul to you!”

23.  I spent 4 wonderful summers working for ATC. Summer 2012 was  by far the most fun and best time at ATC. I got to run a lot: here. And do many other videos capturing the summer. Best job ever!

24. This is my favorite you tube video, here 7 years later.Here.

25.  25 years old means car insurance is lowered but for me it seems to be still kind of high.(California probably!)

26. Everyone should drive a car they never thought they would drive. I got my chance at 19 years old my dad gave me his Mitsubishi 3000GT. And sadly I smacked it into a tree during a snow storm in January 2008, and 9 months later I had to sell it. But it was awesome while I had it.

27. 27 years old has been the most trying and testing/refining year of my life. And here I am one year later alive on the inside, full of peace and joy and most of all, full of hope. The hope is that I can help others who have the same struggles as me, and that is what I aim to do.

28. I recently read Love Wins and all I have to say is that the greatest lesson I have learned is to throw myself on the rock and seek with all of me to understand the character and nature of God. If I make that my aim then I will truly know what love is, and that is what we need.

 

 

 

Temple Days

Reflecting on Kansas City. Grateful for the years I spent there.

Temple days,
Want your gaze,
Want to amaze in
The ways of your grace,
Years its been of looking
Within and eyes on Him,
Pacing I did to remain
Steady and true, but now
A new wide eyed view,

The temple has been removed,
And I am just left with my heart
And soul and to you I
Lift my gaze of the temple
Days and let you love
Me the way I was made

For on the seconds on the
Clock so am I adding up
The time I spend and
Expend on you,
Let it increase as my
Days increase