Counselor, counselor
Teach me the story of me
And my plastic dreams
Fire is what I have always
Desired, though it has always
Costed everything to carry
This flame,
Turbulence says me for a life
Of power in the air, power in
The warfare up there,
I love the principality called
Me and my destiny,
Pain has taught me to
Unwind the walls, to say
Yes to the exits that form around
Me, summer never satisfies
For it’s burning gold here anyway,
The heat of no one is the great
Invitation to me,
Lonely is the city of light
The city of angels,
The city of height and width
But rarely it has depth,
Paltry are these requests,
Salted is the mystery You
Keep for me,
History has only taught me
To love all that is not easy,
Warmth daily, comfort maybe,
I cannot demand anymore of
The suite life,
But in You I will embrace what
Any man would run away from,
Growing numb I resist,
Face oneself to love that which
You have made
Category: PICTORALS
The Pieces
I have taken the pieces,
The parts, the darts now
Fiery the road so dreary,
I am fog, I am unclear,
I am all I want to hear,
With lights and glimmer
And a false shine so clean,
You pull me in, you pull me through,
You stick in these pieces,
I have just parts to praise,
And haze to worship,
I am in need of satisfaction
And a new redaction,
I am in the dark
Please show me the light
I Am Violence
I am the defiance on TV
I am the bat bashing in the
Darkened alley ways, in the
Upheaval I am the removal,
I am the violent display of
Abuse that runs in the family,
That runs downstairs, that is night
Terror, that is a word to devour,
No one does good, not even me,
I am the lust on the park bench,
The creeper in the night, I am the
Burnt money, the joker in the end,
A burned world is the one in front
Of me, death is the swab in my ear,
Right is left, subjection is my
Introspection, I am deep in violence,
Babel me, flood me, spiritual sodomy,
My belly is full of poison,
Golden stained coffee grounds
Fill me, I am addiction to comfort,
To a painless summer ahead of me,
No more violence when I rise,
For the lazy man has no plan,
I am all these things I have listed,
A Son was fully subjected to the Father,
Embraced a violent society, they rejected his offering, and still we scorn
His blood, his flood of mercy,
His violent act of love,
I seek, I reek of death,
I am violence without Your mercy
Chased The Sunset(Miss You friends)
Chased the sunset
Pressed reset
Dawn is fading
A new day is coming
Where is Eric, where is the
Attic? To hide in, to bury in,
To stay cold in,
Sun is fading, pacific
Time is burning like
A crime, to the east
Were all my dreams,
Stuck in a time machine
Called radical, called racial,
Called no sabbatical, called
Processed food, preacher
Would preach it, then I
Would hear it,
I miss it,
Those night with you,
Those night with us,
Around in circles of
Burger King late at night,
Up way past midnight,
Now we seem to all be
Alone somehow, and someway
I lean into Him for this to
Fade away,
Our love not united,
The song divided,
Miss it in the dark,
Call for it in the light,
Go to bed at night,
Wishing light would
Cover me and hover over
Me,
Alone it feels,
Living without wheels,
Bus pass to outlast
The poverty around me,
Am I just rich in love and
All that is mercy living in me?
City life is lined up around me,
Who has friends?
Who has companions?
All mine are not gone but
Just in different places—
The coast to coast song
To be sung, risen one,
Risen Son
Who has someone?
Who has a partner?
Who has calligraphy to
Give to me, sketched and
Scribbled on my favorite
Piece of paper,
Deliver us, O, God from
Going at it alone,
Bring Godly people into
Our lives, that can walk
With us through the trials
Of this life—grateful for
Those who have been
There for me
Prepare
Time to prepare
The day is near
I am my own thief
I am my own relief
I steal the urgency
From me, so I can
Live comfortably,
American dream
American king,
America to sing
Long live us in
The rust of our fallenness,
Depravity a choice not
Chosen recently
Uplift my soul I do,
Uplift myself I will,
Weak are strong
And war is on,
Fog is here and here to stay,
He can clear it, we can hear it,
Are we ready to proclaim,
Things are going to change,
Take out the knife
It’s the end of your life,
Cut away what’s in the way
And you haven’t given away,
Given sway to the evil around you,
28 Lessons/Facts In 28 Years
In light of my birthday happening this past week, I am going to share short lessons that I have learned in my life. I just turned 28, so lets narrow it down to one lesson a year.
The order does not signify importance. I am not doing this on a scale. Some of these might be tidbits/facts on my life.
1. If my family had had a video camera for the first 10 years of life I would have loved to see that footage. But I am grateful for the pictures.
2. The first thing I ever put on paper was a pink sheet that said, ” I’m Unique!”. (when I was 9 years old) I put on it that when I grow up I want to be writer(I think that has come true)
3. Working hard at everything that I do has been a trait that has carried me all of my life. My Sophomore year of highschool I was named the hardest working player on my ice hockey team. Something that was later said to me in other times in life.
4. I have worked 23 jobs in the past 12 years. My favorite of them all was Trader Joes. The first time in 2009 was here in California, and the second time was in Leawood Kansas, 2011 to Nov. 2012. I was truly blessed to have been apart of that company.
5. I have learned that in speech, less is better than more words, even if you are trying to be the center of attention.
6. I live by the words of Paul in 1 Cor. 15:10″ I am what I am..by the grace of God!”
7. In my fire in the night internship I started a study in the book of James and now 9 years later, it is probably still my favorite NT book.
8. I still aspire to make a documentary on teens in America. I believe it’s a topic worth talking about.
9. Love is the center of everything. Make every aim to fulfill what Paul says ‘do everything in/with love.’
10. Depression and metal illness is NOT a result of a believer lacking faith or doing something in error with God. The error is in thinking that you are being punished. Faith and science need to be examined and valued in helping others with this struggle.
11. I am unashamed to say I am a fan of Justin Bieber. And much prayer for him is needed.
12. I have noticed a growing trend in movies and television that both reflect a deep darkness in our society. The most popular shows and films deal with a deep sense of ‘good people’ doing horrible, dark and shameful bad things. And it is that thing that gets us hooked into watching it.
13. I have learned that patience comes only by being put in situations where you are constantly inconvenienced by people. That is how it works itself into you.
14. Big speeches are hard to come by in the creative process but I had a couple good ones in high school, both at graduation in 12th grade and ninth, and also at my youth group.
15. Random confession: in the moment of writing this I am listening to Dashboard Confessional. I had recently posted that I am done and don’t miss listening to them but gosh darn it makes me want to write some love poetry.(And the last few have been kind of sort of about that but I never name names or times, you are just gonna have to guess for the rest of your life)
16. If you want to travel the world and do all of that then you simply just have to do it and figure out the practical later on.
17. I have learned that certain named girls have never worked out for me. Not because of them personally but maybe because just the name brings on vibes of bad luck.
18. Top four favorite albums of all time: Mae’s The Everglow, Mat Kearney’s City Of Black And White, Switchfoot’s Hello Hurricane(love you red eyes!) and Cory Asbury’s Let Me See Your Eyes. And Pas Neos’ Who Do You Say I am is becoming the next favorite.
19. Both my parents were flight attendants and my mom still is, so maybe I should try it for a career and answer number 16 with doing it for a living.
20. If anything to be an expert in I would choose faith and depression and mental health. Using scripture and science to speak with power and wisdom on this subject. I want to major in that.
21. Best two movies in the past year: It’s Kind Of A Funny Story and Intouchables.
22. I want to answer the Lord on that day with a response that says, “Lord, I gave you and gave the effort to give you all of my heart, mind and soul to you!”
23. I spent 4 wonderful summers working for ATC. Summer 2012 was by far the most fun and best time at ATC. I got to run a lot: here. And do many other videos capturing the summer. Best job ever!
24. This is my favorite you tube video, here 7 years later.Here.
25. 25 years old means car insurance is lowered but for me it seems to be still kind of high.(California probably!)
26. Everyone should drive a car they never thought they would drive. I got my chance at 19 years old my dad gave me his Mitsubishi 3000GT. And sadly I smacked it into a tree during a snow storm in January 2008, and 9 months later I had to sell it. But it was awesome while I had it.
27. 27 years old has been the most trying and testing/refining year of my life. And here I am one year later alive on the inside, full of peace and joy and most of all, full of hope. The hope is that I can help others who have the same struggles as me, and that is what I aim to do.
28. I recently read Love Wins and all I have to say is that the greatest lesson I have learned is to throw myself on the rock and seek with all of me to understand the character and nature of God. If I make that my aim then I will truly know what love is, and that is what we need.
Temple Days
Reflecting on Kansas City. Grateful for the years I spent there.
Temple days,
Want your gaze,
Want to amaze in
The ways of your grace,
Years its been of looking
Within and eyes on Him,
Pacing I did to remain
Steady and true, but now
A new wide eyed view,
The temple has been removed,
And I am just left with my heart
And soul and to you I
Lift my gaze of the temple
Days and let you love
Me the way I was made
For on the seconds on the
Clock so am I adding up
The time I spend and
Expend on you,
Let it increase as my
Days increase
The Recent Me
Behind the words their is a face. Its been a few years since I have updated a picture of myself, so now you have it. Thanks for all the recent followers in the last few days. You guys motivate me to write more and more.
Life Just Keeps Going
You could also call this post “more meaning behind the prose.” The wonderful thing about any form of poetry or a piece of art, is the superfluous pro of not having to explain anything. As it stands is how it is written and that is the end of that. But, for myself, I like to explain the multiple emotions and ideas that are going on in my mind when writing. Yesterday I published at least 5 new poems and I want to share a little.
This past week of writings has been from a red covered journal from the end of August til Mid September. Recently, I have not been really doing any poetry. Call it ‘ a break’ or ‘writer’s block,’ but it hasn’t been flowing. The meaning behind ‘Cleansed’ and ‘Runaway’ is the thought of God’s fearful and lovely worth worshipping mercy. Many times we stumble and stumble and feel the sting of either fear or shame; or both, and that leads us to either run to God, or run away from Him. All my years of IHOP-KC led me down this path many times. It takes us a long time of meditation and study to fully embrace the idea of God’s acceptance in the midst of shame and struggle. ‘Risk and Reverence’ was inspired by reading 1 Corinthians 13 and the idea of doing great things for God without love. The reality of this should cause us to evaluate how we operate in our daily relationships.
‘Summer Days’ was a simple flashback to the past 7-9 summers that have passed since high school. That also reminds me, I have officially received an invitation for my 10 year high school reunion. WOW! I can’t believe 10 years have passed this next summer. Rocky Mountain High School, class of 2004. By the way, was I supposed to help plan that?( Student Council People) I find in writing the mode of constant reflection. And maybe its just me, but I seem to have a very photographic keen sense of the past. How I felt in high school, how I was with friends and how heart-broken I was over those Swiss Army Romances(Dashboard Confessional…how I don’t miss crying to those songs!) AHHH…yes sappy puppy love is the apex of all teenage angst and pop music, and we have all drunk from that fountain. Writing about it however, if you have really been reading this blog since 2007, is found in multiple poems. I have a rule that I never actually name the girl or the year(maybe sometimes the period of time), but I never name the girl because that seems like a Taylor Swift tactic that seems superfluous(word of the day). In conclusion, Summer Days and others like it have a hint of past romances and nostalgia.
‘Fullness Chaser’ and ‘New Season With You’ are about the desire to live whole-hearted before God. And this season of life for me has been a lot of pressing in in the word and study. It has been a time to fight for right thinking, and that, is such hard work. It is hard work to press in because everything in us would rather do something less painful. And we do need time to relax and enjoy not doing much, but consistently I want that reach in me to have true hunger. Since I am a professional blogger( not really??) I have more than enough time. I am making it a goal to read many books, and finish the year out strong. And you will hear about it, I promise.
The last poem published was ‘Runaway.’ That idea and language was resurrected from a poem called ‘FlyPlane.'( I think??) and its simply the idea of wanting to physically and emotionally escaping to another place because that seems easier then facing it. It is my aim to have faith in God’s ability to forgive and renew and cleanse, then in my ability to make myself righteous(see 2 Cor. 5:21 and the book of Romans) I have been studying Mike Bickle’s 28 sessions on Romans and it has been greatly impacting me. And that I will update you on later, as well.
Farewell, this is the end of the end of the beginning of my last month being 27, so send them birthday cards as soon as you can..
My little Nephew Noah Ahern is turning one next week on Halloween!( That’s us at the beach)
And well, I just noticed this picture( the one below the Noah picture )in my email… Yep, we are all that age once..wish I could have started blogging back then, man, I would have like 50,000 poems written by now…
THE RUCKUS JOURNAL 