The Leave On

*This is a’s part 3..
Still the strangest of things,
Had to take a break from it.
Living like the upside was never
Living like you were the one leaving
This town,
Like I packed away that leave on,
You know you got to get on,
Get on your way now.
I was looking for the satisfy,
For the reason why,
For the deeper conversations
We could have had.
I got good,
When it was bad.
I got bad when it could
Have been good,
Showing up later on Ya,
Showing up all showered up.
This is that kind of thing I don’t
Want to write about,
I needed you now
I needed the shout.
I needed this to be all
About that.
I needed you to leave,
I wanted you to stay.
Don’t unplug, you see,
Don’t unplug like that TV.
Don’t start going down,
Like the basement is there.
Like it won’t get far from near.
Get good on me,
Get bad no more,
Can’t break that,
Can’t cap that salary.
Get the leave on,
Or stay stuck here with me.

#29: Digging Again

I really would like to try to explain the meanings behind the last 30 days, but I will say a few themes that have been on my mind that have been expressed in these 60 days.

One theme is working. It is the idea of a right or wrong view of work. When I am talking about the rig and digging and this language of living on a farm it is a combination of the language of scripture and also a reality of life. So many issues that the Millenial’s have is rooted in this notion that working is not a part of life. No one really would ever say that but the forced reality of having to work hard does invade rather then persuade.

When you are forced to grow up you do grow up, but it is not as productive as we would think it would be. However, when vision takes a hold of your life and you gain a YES perspective to life( comes from God) then things start to change.

To the writer’s and the creative people. It is time just to do it. You have your process and you feel like it never stops( too) but you don’t need to spend more time talking about your desire to write stories or make films; or, do a lot of things that revolve around telling a story that can and will touch those around you.

Digging Again into the vision for your life. 2 Cor. 1:19-22.

19 For the Son of God, Jesus Christ, who was preached among you by us—by me and Silas[c] and Timothy—was not “Yes” and “No,” but in him it has always been “Yes.” 20 For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ. And so through him the “Amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God. 21 Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, 22 set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

60 Days of Poetry..

Digging Again
Left it at the edge of the driveway
When the sun never did fade away,
When the shade would have stayed longer,
When shorter for the winter would have been much
The rig called home,
Called a safety zone,
Called none more of trying to
Be known,
Called now or never we will
Live forever,
The better of the endeavor,
The inventor of clever,
The morning by morning of a lover,
Asked for power,
Asked for a better shovel,
For a better way to dig past the
Crap that keeps me from You,
Everything they ever said,
For the reasons why you could
Live dead,
I really do want to live
And it is isn’t a question mark,
But rather a starting stark of
A contrast, of a constant life
Of brightness,
Digging again,
Down deep past everything I have
Ever known,
Do I abide?
Do I really just run and hide?
Wrongly or in His shade,
In His blade of a grass field
I could sit in,
Or is running the best of the slipping
Away life?
Sun has just come up now,
And I am ready for the life of
Light that is my eternal right
Dig again,
To get deep again,
To let everything else fade
That isn’t His shade,
Hide in God,
And dig in, again



This is a reflection on evangelism and being apart of God’s family.

Heavenly Family expansion
Orange County Mansion
Father’s house beckons and
Calls again and again–
You are good but I am misunderstood–
What makes a man?
The rocks he throws
At the issues he knows not of?
Or the house he builds–
Family first but rust is around
This American Dream,
White fences for the black
People, cake eating for the
Rich and famous–
Trade me over God,
Trade me over the poverty–
I have asked, yet I am still a
Mystery to me, I still feel
Distant from the closest
Parts of my inheritance–
This Family you call Heaven
Is it expanding on my watch?
Or do I slave away upon myself
And the noise that I have to bring!
God’s family is all around me,
Where cities are stained Orange
And fallen angels hover under
The bridge and the steps it takes
To Rebuild Babylon,
I am on, I am in, I am through
You, Your family goes through me
This foot needs the hands and
These hands need You

I Listen

Deletion from those
Download exceptions,
Texted and invested,
Favoring the words You
Have said, all night was the
Heart rate target, up with the sun
Of the sin to follow in a hollow
Life I was living, I have no
Wineskin, no place to put this
Sin, all those beats that drop,
All those voices that get real close,
I have to delete what could never
Be this present moment,
Freeway addiction,
Tar prediction,
Car syndication to the
Beat of the time
That wastes away at
Me, you are all that embodies
Just empty memories,
Hospital gown, golden crown,
Death in those nails,
Love will cost everything
So now is not the time to waste
What won’t waste if you listen,
If you pay attention,
I listen, love is the final
Fight, engage with it,
Do not quit


A car to get to you
A freeway adventure
A new golden denture
A new smile from the deeper
Parts of you, that life you have
Lived and given back to be
I am a lover, I am a fighter
I am the inheritor, walls from
A child like me that lived
To entertain the crowd that has
Walked real loud,
I am making a noise,
Losing my poise,
I am always afraid of
The beauty You display,
Creation in Your grip,
You took it, better than a
Caped crusader, voice like
Darth Vadar,
Only one risen has risen
Out for me,
Death to the hell that follows
A life giver like the one you
Made me to be,
Too much medicine
Has coaxed the lesion
Upon these sleeves,
Pain is wonderful, the hurt
As a counselor,
The hope of the comforter,
It’s Your smell I can’t
Get rid of,
Tragedy is living for death
When life is taking place,
One love is the love You
Offer, perfect father


Counselor, counselor
Teach me the story of me
And my plastic dreams
Fire is what I have always
Desired, though it has always
Costed everything to carry
This flame,
Turbulence says me for a life
Of power in the air, power in
The warfare up there,
I love the principality called
Me and my destiny,
Pain has taught me to
Unwind the walls, to say
Yes to the exits that form around
Me, summer never satisfies
For it’s burning gold here anyway,
The heat of no one is the great
Invitation to me,
Lonely is the city of light
The city of angels,
The city of height and width
But rarely it has depth,
Paltry are these requests,
Salted is the mystery You
Keep for me,
History has only taught me
To love all that is not easy,
Warmth daily, comfort maybe,
I cannot demand anymore of
The suite life,
But in You I will embrace what
Any man would run away from,
Growing numb I resist,
Face oneself to love that which
You have made

Favorite Movie Of The Summer: Review For Wish I Was Here

It would be important for me to mention the content rule in watching films. There is always a chance in searching for great works of film and music that one may have to filter through superfluous darkness that sometimes does have something to do with corruption and enable the storyline to be more believable. However, I am more under the assumption that Hollywood requires a certain amount of swear words, violence and sex to be infused into the film. This can make things difficult for the Christian. It would be sound doctrine for lovers of Jesus and aspire to live pure and Holy lives. But I am also under the impression that fallen people who seek to impact the world with their stories through the lens of film can include not needed darkness yet compile brilliance in reflecting God. The Diablo Cody film Paradise(which I review back in November) tells very striking points about life, God and the pain and confusion that conservative Christians can go through. However, I don’t think it would ever be deemed a Christian film.


Writers: Zack Braff and Adam Braff

Director: Zack Braff

Stars: Zack Braff, Josh Gad, Kate Hudson, Joey King, Mandy Patinkin and Pierce Gagnon

Basic Overview:

In light of the opening paragraph I have to say that there was some displeasing moments in this film including heavy cussing and otherwise some sketchy sexual content but filtering through that there is very subtle yet bold strokes of genius in this movie. I have to make the same content advisory for Garden State(now 10 years old) and its ability to convey the post adolescent struggle of trying to be a man and trying to be a grown up. In fact, in the book Generation Me Jean Twenge actually outlines Garden State as a premiere example of what young adults can drift themselves into post high school. Garden State showed hopes of a young man that was not willing to live the rest of his life numb to hard stuff and numb to the pain. Rather, life is about facing what is hard and embracing all that it has for you. Natalie Portman’s character embodied this and also directly said it in the film toward the end. Life is..(and the world fills in the blank)..whatever you want it to be.

Why I loved it so much..


Wish I Was Here now follows Aiden now  decade later struggling in his marriage and with his kids and still mourning the loss of his mother. Aiden is full of distance. He is not present. Hence, the title, Wish I Was Here. Aiden is not making it as an actor and the swear jar keeps adding the money because of his many cuss words he uses around his young kids. However, the pain of his distance is most felt with his complicated relationship with his dying dad. Gabe(Aiden’s dad) has cancer and is on the deathbed and could go at any minute. The opening monologue reflects on Aiden’s childhood ambition to play superhero. He pretty much says, ” I used to imagine saving the those people out there..but maybe we are just the regular people, the ones who get saved!”

Aidan is trying to get his also at a distance brother Noah to come and join in helping their dad live his last moments. Mandy Patinkin as Saul, however, is so good and so disturbing all at the same time. Its clear to me that one of the clearest story lines of my generation revolves around man and his father and all that goes along with that. So many stories center on some form of ‘quiet desperation’ with dad and how a man really will be messed up his whole life if his dad was a total jerk and didn’t care. Aiden, however, seeks to find here by being there for his dad. Noah seeks to face the pain too even though he admits that he is scared and that losing his mother was the hardest thing he had ever been through and he didn’t want to go through that again.

Aidan makes his other indelible statement to his brother, saying, ” now we are actually called upon to do something that requires some actual bravery!” And Sarah(Kate Hudson) tells the dad that this moment will shape your sons for the rest of their will shape who they are as men.


I cried a lot during this film. And its nothing I need to hide that I never had the best relationship with my dad, but one thing is for sure you only get one shot at this life. Every man gets once. Every man gets one shot and if he is lucky maybe you don’t die young and God lets you live even longer. I have to embrace hard things and hard people. Not because I am so much softer then the world around me, but because I am just as hard. I wish I was here all the time. All of me gets all the good and the bad that comes with being alive on this earth at this time in history.

So much of stories and films are about human survival and sometimes the hardest things we have to do usually involve those closest to us. Either saying goodbye to someone you kind of want dead and you kind of want gone, yet you know the love you have for them will not fade, even when they are gone. Learning to love yourself and loving your broken dad. Which for most of us is the situation in which we were raised in these are all things that make for excellent stories and for whatever reason Zack Braff makes this whole couple of sentences work. Aidan says, “we are finally called upon to do something great we spend our whole lives wanting to do something great and now requires some actual bravery..and he says to Noah and you go and hide..(Aidan then)  says the only problem with hiding in a fish bowl is that everyone can see you!”

I also like that Aidan quotes T.S. Elliot and the Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock..Aidan says ( from the poem) .“Time yet for you and time for me!”

Come out of hiding and face the inner man in you that maybe didn’t get dealt the best situation with maybe not so healthy parents and live life. Don’t wish you were here, simply just be here. See this film! The for certain highlight of the summer in terms of going to the theater and seeing a movie. Heavenly Father is also a very well crafted song to add to this soundtrack that Bon Iver specifically wrote in response after he saw the film all the way through.