When did you realize
I missed your sunrise
And came my demise
My downfall was wanting
You at all

I’ve painted this town your
Favorite color to shower you
With red with dead sounds
And leaps around this drama
For the season has changed
And love is not tame,
A safe man I don’t want
To be, a man do I have to

Would the world notice
My onus to you, my world
To shatter and thoughts to
Scatter, you are my disaster
My beat faster, my alabaster
Only one can have that and
Deserve that, but now tame
Is not sane or part of the game

Loving is a realization that
It can all be shaken in a
Moment so love like its the
Last moment you ever would

Fantasy Football Podcast

This may seem a little random but why not involve you in my train of thought for my Fantasy Football league. Since fall 2007 I have been in a league with my friends in Kansas City(and now we are all a little more spread out now). And only just last year did I start making a weekly podcast video to make an attempt to understand football but mostly to poke fun at life, football and people in the league. I have made most of these videos private because most people just tuning in don’t track with the inside jokes but because 80 some people follow this blog maybe you would like to see some of them.

This is the most recent.

This is my favorite from last season. The league starter/owner/main man stepped down as commissioner.


Growing away from the new things that

Once made me new, growing apart, growing

Apart from you, laces I had, places to hide,

Tied up I was on the inside, needed you to

Tie up my laces and the loose things inside of

Me, absence was a place I had, when you

Left my protection was gone, you were to

Be the one to watch me and call out to me,

When I was down you were to be up, when

I was up you were to not keep me up to high

Above what I could obtain to, now the crime

Has been committed and the past is gone,

Erased I want to be for the pain of yesterday

Can’t be made up today, in need of a new start

 I need, now I need protection but I have no

Choice but to give it to those around me,

The ones that are in need

Hunger Prayer

Hungry you have made
Me, in this place I cannot
Stand it for you are not
A violent police man telling
Me how I ought to live or
How to be, rather I have
Spent a decade under the
Influence that Holy

Congruence is coming soon
To rescue me and all of
Humanity ,now its been
Rain and years of pain
And I say yes to you still
Tonight touch me and make
My eyes look upon and wait
Upon Holy things, yes I want
That, rest in me tonight


I wonder what you will find when I lay it

Bare to a world that might not care,

Winter came with the look in your eyes

With bright colors all around, you looked

Until I hit the ground, dance, dance you

Said and did that been to that, saw that

Smile move away from you it was the

Only clue that I had to get back to you,

Now on the shelf you do keep me

And look at me with apathy, how could

I ever love again after that deep end

I just swam in, how does anyone trust

A life of pain over a life of ease? How

Do I live and feel what is real when

The world out there doesn’t care

What kind of sleep I get at night

Whether I will live at peace at


But I wonder with you to, cause love

Seems to be all that one can do to

Stay sane in a world of pain, so

Yes, yes Lord to the ways of

Suffering, let it never be in

Vain, let me understand

The rain that falls on everyone

That lives fully and wholly for


What Am I

I am not asking what am I
To do with my life
I am asking who do I
Want to become

For the proof is in my
Choices and the vices
That splices the good
Part of me and all of me
You do ask and I cannot
Afford to live dead and see
Dead all of my days,

For deep goes to deep
Pain and its terrain in
Me, nothing is free in
This corrupted river we
All swim in,

What will I be in twenty
And plenty of time piled
Up and to know you will
That be me, to know about
You cannot be me, it weighs
Heavy on me now to
Get louder with you,
Red colors like led and
Carries me down

Help me know who I am
And let me understand


Listening to this song by Bon Iver and inspiring me.

I knew I was not magnificent
To you, you wanted the best
Parts of me, I wanted a break
That was a mistake, now I still
Ache and wait for you,

The gray hairs on my head
Enlist me instead, on the
Beard they feel weird, but
Without you is the strangest
Thing I can ever feel for
Now is the time to live
And give all I can have to
Have you,

I just see your youth
As proof that you still
Live inside of me as just
A distant memory and
You burn and burn with
Fire all around me, you
Rarely come around here
Around the pier I do here
And daily swear to the sky
I see you walk by, but now
Seperate we live,

The medicine spills in
And out of me, for because
Of you I am not balanced out
I am without the medicine
And I was not magnificent
To you

I wonder about you
I wonder what to do
For these songs play
On repeat and I think
Only of what is not lonely


I waited, I waited in
The rain for it to be
Plain with grays and blacks
And attacks of brownish
Shadows but in the color
You shined bright, with
Headbands of bright it
Kept me up at night,

I know, I really know you
Won’t keep me on the shelf
Up there with manuals of
Love and life and the right
Way to live,but no, death no
Cannot be talked about,
For dying I have been
Trying to do,just for you

The memories of those
Days, yes, the sun fades to
Black, you’ve stayed bright
Despite the loss of light
That shined upon us


There is no clarity
Without purity,
Man is an addict
And negligent to
Pain and suffering has
Become the fix, the thing
To shout out loud,
Decline and downfall
Two words to express
What we address,

Its just a sliver to the
Silver He offers
For darkness covers
The earth and covers
Me, lying is man’s tragedy,
But denying the pain
Covers up the covering
And announces the
Hovering of what to

So cover me with
Mercy and grace to
Pull my eyes away from
Death and have them
Covered in purity,
So I can have some


Just can’t come to grips with it

Age and matter and the atoms of

Existence, now persistence is a

Resistant force inside of me, for

Giving up never came easily,

Now clicking on the things that

Bring death man makes his meth

And smokes himself dead,

Corruption speaks on the big

Screen and reveals unseen

Forces living on the inside of

Me, I wait and take the long

Way home tonight, thoughts

Of you and what you do carry

Me through the toughness of

Life and the harm it brings to

Us, pain, yes, 28 years later

Pain speaks its course and

Way inside of me, so for

Now I will lay the evil down,

Lay the love of my life down

And wait for you to call and

Answer when I fall—to you,

I wait all day long