First Time

It wouldn’t be your first time deleting that,

Pressing completed,

Pressing deleted.

Waited for thoughts to form,

For the bad form,

For the last time to be the

First time.

I don’t regret anything,

Just all the things that still

Linger, that still feel like

Danger,

Cause I am scared,

Like I have been before.

Teacher said, ” Writing is showing,

Not telling,”

I don’t know how to show,

Not just yet.

This won’t be the first time

I tell, it won’t be the last either.

Everything called ‘Show,’

Well, that is to be continued..

Day #38 – Trenches

July 27, 2018

Sunrise,

Blood moons,

Lunar Eclipses,

Days turned to night with you,

Embarrassed a little with you,

Or maybe because of you,

Stretching Thursdays into Fridays,

Watching night fall,

Bitter ending trails to form from

This new kind of norm,

Escaping from the ache,

Moving towards the mistake,

Taking it in the gut,

Sick, in the rut,

For the secrets keep you stuck.

Passing nights with you,

Falling in circles,

Spinning a little bit too,

Asking for fixing,

Looking for wrenches,

Lost in the trenches.

 

 

Day #16- Traffic

July 5th

Freedom chasing,

Yellow bridges,

Fireworks over,

Freedom rated over.

Died trying to stay up,

Had to ask you,

Will you grow up?

Can I step back and see something new?

Can it be that you want,

You didn’t?

Had a new family to see,

A new angle to see,

A new adventure that led me

Away from the Sea.

Coastal love,

Far from above,

Bites all over this skin,

From running,

And aiming for the win.

I won’t lose at the things you claim,

But I am not a fan of this cynic of a game.

Numbers On

Getting longer,

Those times spent with you,

Bending the rules,

Doing all of that for you.

Breaking the past,

Making this last,

Counting the number of numbers I have

For you,

All the times I have backed out,

And let you in,

All the messages you left,

And Sundays you dismissed.

Used to hate Football,

And the break,

And the half,

And its coming at last,

And you’re gonna wait around for it,

Just like me..

But my decisions are based in your math,

Are you gonna take me back,

Are you gonna take the wrath?

Numbers are on,

And You were the count on,

The one I called upon.

Those 5 were never short of breathless,

Those 10 had it in,

I gave it a decade since you showed me the

Way,

Now I got a lot of pills still stored away,

Numbers you never knew about,

Half time show for ya,

Half my time, I feel I am giving to

Ya,

More is yet to come,

But less is not good enough,

Less is not the number I want on.

 

You, On

Key west with me,
Ride that scooter with me,
That was never for free.
That girl had it coming.
One more reason to leave,
Was a million more to stay.
Saturday is without you
And that’s the way it should be.
Lost my way thinking of that
Burning day,
Wanted you around,
Wanted you to stay.
Now your lost in this Ocean
Of wondering.
Got me on the street
Searching and pandering.
I never knew the list of reasons
and to do’s,
Just knew it was always about you.
Shining bright,
And keeping me up at night.
Needed you in this head,
Wanted you in this bed.
Needed someone to wake
Up next to,
Needed to move on,
And stop the thoughts about
You.
Key west with me,
Travel that world with me.
Watch the disaster fall around
Us, move on with that past thing
You called a sure thing.
I got plenty of time
To call you mine.

Holiday On

Wanted you to keep the stare on,

To climb the stairs on.

To show me how to be,

How to move forward without Ya.

If you think this is about you,

It probably is.

A little more broken since you left.

A little more on the better since you

Left.

I had some time to think,

In the freeze of the frames you called

Fame you stopped going after.

I had some time to stare,

To learn how to care.

I was always fixed on you,

On the beauty of you.

I see you clearer now.

Its not better since you’re around.

I got a stare to take up with Ya.

I got a holiday to spend away from Ya.

I tried turning you off, tuning you out.

I tried, I tried.

You just kept knocking the same.

Coming to me without any change.

I am editing that remix,

I am trying to stream this life like

The Phoenix,

A little entertainment for Ya.

A little burning sun I lost with Ya.

I had some holiday,

I had some petition.

I think you hated my condition.

I need some tradition.

Need you now to stop that forsaken kind

Of walk, that move on kind of talk.

I needed a holiday off,

But those lights don’t work,

Those nights don’t serve.

Its my last nerve to say I need

You. It won’t be the last time I’ve

Surrendered to You,

You are the one and only on,

The leave on,

The hold you had on,

The holiday, now,

Is still on.

 

The Leave On

*This is a series..here’s part 3..
Still the strangest of things,
Had to take a break from it.
Living like the upside was never
Down,
Living like you were the one leaving
This town,
Like I packed away that leave on,
You know you got to get on,
Get on your way now.
I was looking for the satisfy,
For the reason why,
For the deeper conversations
We could have had.
I got good,
When it was bad.
I got bad when it could
Have been good,
Showing up later on Ya,
Showing up all showered up.
This is that kind of thing I don’t
Want to write about,
I needed you now
I needed the shout.
I needed this to be all
About that.
I needed you to leave,
I wanted you to stay.
Don’t unplug, you see,
Don’t unplug like that TV.
Don’t start going down,
Like the basement is there.
Like it won’t get far from near.
Get good on me,
Get bad no more,
Can’t break that,
Can’t cap that salary.
Get the leave on,
Or stay stuck here with me.