Hills

Making a comeback. A lot on my mind. A lot going on in life.

 

To feel again,
To find you again,

I knew just hallways,
And corner spaces,
And scared places,

If these halls had hills
They would be alive to..

If I live open then you can see me,
You can see all of me,

And there is no going back,
Going back to living in the the black,
Rich and slightly famous,
How many people asked about me
When I was gone?

How many texts and tweets did I get,
Even more so when I was steady
And hungry,

Only in poverty did you come
Running after me,

To feel again,
To steal again,
The moments made by sunsets,
Now I can stay up and see them,
Now I can stay up and receive them.

If these halls had hills,
They would be alive to,
They would be high too,
They would be all about you.

Stop this cycle
and this roundabout,
Show me what mercy is about,
Cause that is all I need from You
Today.

Something I Said

This piece of writing came out of a real experience I had with a close friend. I ended up turning this into a dialogue, rather then the story. But here’s the draft one that I haven’t changed in 4 years. Tell me what you think.

Something I Said

There was something I said and  something I had done that got him thinking. He was with me the whole time, he wanted something from me. Something inside of him wanted something from the inside of me. He said to me on the drive home, ‘how  is it that you had a good time, we never talked once.’ I told him I got a lot done but neglected the fact that I was with someone else. I did what I wanted and he did what he wanted, the only problem was that what he wanted was my attenion. Me is selfish. Me is projects and deadlines. Me is what I want over what he needs. I never wanted to come in the first place. I never wanted to sit in that stupid car of his  with the broken heater. He always invites me and I say no most of the time. My reasons were never rooted in anything valid, except for my own agenda and my avoidance of him.

 

What else are you supposed to do in a waiting room. Am I supposed to sit there and wait, am I supposed to stare at all the people desperate for help. I am not going to stare and watch around me. I only came for me, not for him, not for them.

 

He acted like he didn’t care, as if what I was doing was okay with him. He smiled as if this was who I was. I could tell this wasn’t the case, he wanted me to stop. He wanted me to drop everything I was doing and look at him, ask him how he was doing. What is in your heart, what is moving inside of you today? I think I know you, but that was yesterday, what about today, what about right now in this moment what are you feeling.

 

Like the bitter cold and teeny flakes sprinkling from the sky we were drifting apart. The temperature in the room changed and we no longer sat next to each other, we no longer interacted in the way that we had in the past. Usually I sit really close to him, most times to close, he smiles and is okay with that. That cold morning we began to drift. I just want to go home if it is going to be this way. I want to go. I want to get back in that freezing car of yours. I would rather be selfish by myself then with you.

 

There was something I said and something I had done that got him thinking. He watched me entertain myself the whole time. I tried to bring him into my world, I tried to pull him into my project and that’s not what he wanted. I brought something that he didn’t need.

 

I sat in the back on the way home avoiding talking about what had just happened. I covered up the distance I felt by thanking him for taking me. Like it was his charity to bring me, like this was supposed to be a memory worth telling a story about, worth blogging about. I said I had a good time, I got a lot done. I did everything I wanted to do except pay attention to him. ‘How is it that you had a good time, we never talked once.’ He brought to my attention that we live this way many times and we don’t even know it.

 

I stayed up late thinking about what had just happened. I finished my project. I didn’t waste time but I wasted an opportunity, I wasted a moment that I will never get back. I fell asleep, I woke up. Upon waking up I made a decision to never do that again. To be there for friends when they need it. To put away what is important to me(selfish) to serve another.

 

A Word About Justice

I saw a movie earlier tonight that was the cliched story of a man who takes things into his own hands when the system does not give him the justice that he deserves. I want to express that I do not have all the answers to this issue because it is HUGE but I will say a few pertinent things you could selah on.

The Ruckus: God is the one that takes care of vengeance because He is the only one worthy to judge and keep men accountable for their actions. He is the judge and we are too not take vengeance into our own hands.

So, what do we do when what we cannot control comes against us. Because everyone has suffered  eft misunderstood at why life can be so harsh. Believer and unbeliever desires to reckon ineffable pain and suffering.

As I was watching this movie I was bombarded with the applause from the crowd that an ordinary man had his family taken away forom him. That the whole justice system must pay for its corruption.

The conclusion, we surrender it all to God. For everyone, lawyers, citizens will all answer before the judgment seat of Christ. And it is then that we are spoken for and God will take care of our enemies out of  His love for Justice and holiness. This is who He is.

Meek Ruckus

Meek means: “hold me back from blowing up because I have so much power I don’t really know what to do with it.”

That is not what the dictionary says, that is what I say.

Meek in the theological bible of truth: Jesus is God. Jesus knows He is God. Jesus knows who He is. Jesus had perfect timing. Jesus knew when to roar and when to be silent.

LIONS are vicious, they are violent and tenacious.LIONS know how to attack the prey and how to stab the enemy in the heart. LIONS are loud and they can echo there roar so the whole world knows they are around.

LIONS also know when to go to sleep and rest and wait for the next morning. The next morning is when they might have to fight the enemy.

Jared is wanting to prowl like a lion. Jared is a lion. Jared is five feet and some inches tall.

Jared is who you are talking to when you read this.

The secular music ruckus says: try to be tough and strong and loud when really you are broken on the inside.

The emotional scene and people that love to sing about the wrong ruckus: bands like Taking Back Sunday who have only one thing right about the title of there band, they use the word ‘Sunday.’ They try to be tough because they are from LONG ISLAND and LONG ISLAND means nothing when you stand before the LORD.

I happen to like TBS, but they are out of control with their roaring. They are misguided in their RUCKUS.

April 1, 2006
I wrote in a big book that is covered up by some more books: “April Fools Jared Diehl, you are not who you think you are.”

Don’t guess why, tell yourself this: “He is trying to find God to, so He is probably was just messing around with the play on words of the holiday.”

THEN a year later happens: April 1, 2007 and I am still trying to find myself in God and in life and in the ruckus.

THE END: Life will never end. Life will never end for all of us. Life will stop and start. Life is Ruckus.

I am tired and excited about ruckus. This is why you read. If not then why are clicking Jared Diehl on the internet.

Sorry Jen if my comment on your comment was a little intense. I hope you trust ‘the ruckus’, just call Zack if you have questions.

Freaky Friday, very freaky

Like I said Friday is the greatest day ever of the whole week. Because I have such high expectations for Friday to be so grandiose if Friday is lame then I get really sad. The night was okay, it wasn’t not fun but it also wasn’t the funnest(not a word). We began the night with eating rice and beans and watching the splits video for the 10th time(It was Kyle and Charity’s first time). Then we went to a plethora of art galleries in downtown KC. Art is cool and I am a fan but there is some art out there that just straight up freaks me out. We went upstairs at this one gallery and lets just say I am never going upstairs at that gallery ever again. Lastly, the night ended with extreme drowsiness while we were eating. I would have to say that the Ethiopian coffee I had was pretty freaky tasting. The highlight of the night was posting the splits video on You Tube.(I am working on posting the link, search: ‘The Splits.’

Its Freakin’ Friday Man!

Friday is the greatest day ever for me. Why? Cause its all about hanging with my friends, loving each other and not worrying so much about all the responsibilities we all have throughout the week. My group of friends usually consists of Zack, Kyle, Tim, Charity, and the best for last: Gregory Jazachchaahahak. I am sure there are many others that I am leaving out and Charity made the list because we’re hanging out in 10 minutes and she participated in the filming of the splits video. Really, I am trying to justify the list so no one gets offended, but its bound to happen….anyhow Friday is always a good time. I usually end my day in thankfulness to God for the amazing older, more mature, life experienced people that he has given me and that they would actually invite a young man like me into their circle of elderness, ha, lots has changed since high school…..stay tuned for a story reflecting my freakin’ Friday.

Slippery slapaty snow storm

Yeah so it snowed last night. Snow is like white thick construction paper soaked in agua falling out the sky a million miles a second. Luckily, it only snowed two inches, just enough to keep us able to travel but still provides slippery snow. My excuse for what I am about to say is because of the slippery slapaty snow storm but really I just need to slow down. I backed out of the driveway and hit the family mailbox. The left bottom corner of the box got cracked just enough for the world to see. Lucky for me there was a check in there for myself, the check should help when I break the mailbox news to Zack attack. To conclude: be safe out there and watch out for mailboxes when you drive backwards.

Here “IT” is

“Lets go to Lawrence”, Zack says. All day, lets stay up, drink coffee, film it and have one superb long day. These kinds of things just happen….you have to have the days where you are in the world of you and your friends. Here is our day in Lawrence.

The mood that I was feeling, questions. Ask as many questions as you can in one day. I never set a goal of how many, rather every time Kyle or Zack said some big word (like cantakerous or thoroughfare) I would demand a definition on the spot. Not only words, but concepts that I did not understand. For example, ‘Kyle is skeptism okay….is being cynical a bad thing.’ And by the end of the day I felt full of nuggets to share with the whole world, kind of like Derek’ s little girl—she says it when she learns it. Not only did I ask these guys questions but I also asked people on the street questions to…not so much, but it still applied.

For example, the highlight of the day was the last coffee stop we made. I am sitting on the bar-stool taking a shot of latte, Kyle to my right; Zack filming the entire time, that one camera angle I really like. I look up at the sign, the name of the shop, and I saw the word ‘bourgeois’. This is a French word and on the front end French words look like American words. I asked the coffee man, ‘hey what does boor-geese mean, sounding like wild boar and geese. He was dumbfounded, almost appalled that I would even ask such a question, especially at his coffee shop, he just thought it was funny. We cleared it up, it means the middle class, its French plus I got a free film out of it.

On the way home we went to Nebraska Furniture Mart, ‘its like an amusement park’, Zack said. Zack compared it to this, Kyle shot it down. It was about 4pm when we made it back to KC. I took a power nap for 20 and then we went and celebrated Sarah’s B-day downtown at Buca Di Bepo, this place is cool, minus the influx of pics on the wall. I was really tired, so I drank a lot of Mountain Dew. I sang happy B-Day to this random person named Robin. I was wearing a similar outfit to the crew so I blended right in(red shoes, tie, and white shirt.) I had the most awkward moment of my life while at this place. Z and I were walking towards the bath room and I thought we were going to say hi to these ladies on the way there, there table was next to the bathroom. We knew these girls and like always, I feel obligated to make an appearance to the people. Zack left me hanging and I said, ‘lets say hi’ out loud while walking towards them. Zack then precedes to leave, they look up, and I got nothing. I turn around and follow him we later talk about the awkwardness.

My day ended the way it started two days ago when after Sarah’s party, a five hour theological discussion with my friend Nick and walking around Hy-Vee with my best bro Greg, I told him we should film something at the house of pancakes, just so as we started the day Friday morning we can end it on Saturday. I shared with Greg this short story I am working on……I went home and finally, after 48 hours, went to sleep.

I am ending the day the way it started it two days ago…..

I am ending the day the way it started it two days ago…..

We’re sitting , discussing, talking, using big words no one understands and the epiphany happens: “I haven’t seen the sun in four days”, Zack says. I can tell by the smile on his face that he is going to pitch some extreme idea, I am already in without even hearing it. He says what it is. Kyle was a little hesitant but we talked him into going. This is the kind of stuff that we live for, why should I be surprised… I’m just glad Kyle’s going, I want to pick his brain. I am really glad that I didn’t talk myself out of this……..

To hear the whole story and what ‘it’ is we really did stay tuned.