Day #46 – Uphill

August 5th

It was all night,

An all night flight,

A Red Eye,

You used to lie,

And hear all about it,

You used to truth,

And lie on it all night.

You used to dig,

You used to bury,

You used to carry..

All of your soul,

All your will,

All of it,

You carried uphill.

So keep it true,

Keep it real,

Did I undress you for

The feel?

Did I see you in my mind,

And waste gas for the 20th time?

Driving around and fading, too..

I was annoyed at the hill,

And bothered by You.

I am carrying this through,

Day 1 to now, day til 60,

Years til then,

Years until when.

We are left in the sidenote(s)

And footnotes too.

Will all that I did,

Will that get published, too?

Starting things to finish

Corner Bakery.

No. That was the last time.

The last time was April.

Why are you finishing things,

Or why not?

Is this is the start of motivation?

Or is new the newest revelation?

Old things like Scripture,

Like worship,

Like the Ancient of Days?

Like words that have no action,

Or actions that have no finishing.

I am not ready to make the explanation,

I am just living in the revelation.

I’m here to worship.

Depraved and soulless,

Or lowest of all..just not in

Your presence.

Are you the starting one?

But You are the finisher?

The author..

You made the time,

And this time will be spent

On starting things,

And rearranging them too.

I am starting something..stirring too..celebrating 11 years solid and true..

Been tossed around and more often than not beaten down too..

By mind, by world, by me, by You, by her, by them,

By all the things that have been started.

This is not finished. It can’t be.

 

Day #45 – Lost..

All of this..

Closed,

Not ever..open..

Heart, sound, spoken,

Not loud, faded in the voices..

Of all the things I used to say to

Get your attention..

….our hearts are wide open
The world is wide open………………….

Was that only true when you were a kid,

When shame is the place you hid..

When lost is not the fountain to drink from..

Yet it was wondering..

All the best summer dry spaces I could try

To see all the space(s) called dry and weak,

And thirsty..

Spent it on money can you say why?

Is this a Isaiah 55 talk..

Or a time not lost in the walk..

I am dark all aroud..

All I hear is Your sound..

 

 

Day #44 – Hold One

August 2nd,

Woke up in the aftermath,

In the back from wrath,

In the late night sun

Of things not being won.

Here is a list,

A long one too,

Of all the things you said you were

Going to do..

How can I go far,

And love at it too,

Are you the same,

Are you never tame?

New places I wanted,

You to take me,

But if fear is love then

Then fearful I am.

 

Day #43 – City Lines

August 1st

Had a car crash 2 days ago,

Had it bad,

Had it made,

Faded into the sad.

Was called higher,

Called better,

But what is this mess I am in?

Highly distracted..

Because numb is like the numbness.

Running in this city,

Making it work,

Writing on the lines

All of the things I want to

See ..

Ventura,

Santa Barbara,

Santa Maria..

All the places I saw today..

All of them make me want to run away..

Speed and fast and moving from the past,

Saw this sunset fade on the train tracks..

Good enough for me,

While everything else is still a memory.

santa maria picture.jpg

 

 

Day #42- Crash

‘FlyPain.”

Was a poem written in 2009 about wanting to crash. Fly. high. FLYING high..looking for a crash. Inspired by getting addicted to the show Lost on ABC.( grammer chek)

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Brain goes like ( ABOVE)

Symbols and signs,

July 30th to be exact,

Thought we had a rehash

Now Sunday( 9.23.18) I am gone,

East away,

Long away,

Worn, torn, scorn,

By the horn..

Louder..it says,

Is your love loud?

Are you proud?

No, I am not..I cannot be..

So what?

So what are you going to do now..

Lost in the crash,

Sugar low,

Blood high,

Cholesterol,

On a roll.

I am up, then I am down.

I am crash,

I need you around.

‘ Sometimes we need to crash into each other just to feel something.’ –

Graham It’s the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We’re always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something..)- source: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0375679/characters/nm0000332

No..

Its 2:05am in North Carolina,

I don’t want to post pictures because you will call and wants to know,

Maybe see me,

See me for sure.

No, I am down,

I am all down,

Fall is a hollow sound,

Are we doing what we always do,

Are we still counting down days until Christmas?