History Maker

To my family, to my sister especially and little Noah. The future is scary to try to know sometimes but God is alive and we are not here by accident.

History maker
Heart pacemaker
Ambulance chaser
Find me in court,
Find me in the sorting through
Of the files and the memories
And the photographs of the past
Laughs we had, all that we never
Had, all the nights of extended
Adolescence, all the iridescence,
All the little things you said to
Me, you were older sister, older
Wisdom, older kingdom to come,
You went ahead, went first, went
Before me, dark has followed us,
The shadow and the sound it has
Come back around, the devil is
That bevel of a sketch around us,
History maker I say, for the generations
Can’t go away, their past is our present,
Our future is our kids, they walk and talk
Around us now, Noah to grow up, Noah
To own it, Noah to be loved more than
We ever were, I spent it, that thing called
Innocence—I sprayed it away, drew its
Name upon the wall, gave it to whoever
Would stay with me long enough to love
Me right—I cannot go back, I cannot change
That thing called purity, called clean, called
Never messed with—for this little sister
Generation, this little sister beneath me,
Is she spoken for, has she been claimed,
Modesty is far from those around me,
For they live beneath the surface,
Face lift, body adjustment, skinny is
Killing everyone! Blood is on our hands,
History can’t change that easily!
Bury me God, bury me in the ground
But let me live and change my generation,
Let me live a full life without thinking twice,
Let me live with a pure heart to impart it
To the one’s beneath me—for the love of
Family, and the love of the generations—
Change the pacemaker in me, beating
Fully, beating wholly for you, beating not
Just to survive, beating to come alive!
Save me, save this generation,
History maker is me


To Alyssa Ahern. I love you dearly!


I know it cost you everything to sit down and hear my everything

But now years later I remember it clearly you were the only one

Near me and near enough to stay real tough cause what I wanted

Was for you to never slip away, siblings we were and brother by

Definition but friends by invitation it slowly became, to many times

I’ve dreamed of no departure because she did that a lot and it cost

A ton, but we all had fun, but I still miss you a ton, now freeways

Come and they go, the five downtown is near your home, the children

Of LA they come everyday, you seem to like the sun but more so

You still are fun and loving and caring and always sharing, you’ve

Stayed open all of these years and faced your deepest fears, your

Marriage has succeeded but I know you have bleeded, and deeply

Seated and satiated are you inside yourself and the one upstairs

You open it daily to be reminded daily, you love well and I miss you

There, inside yourself where you belong and inside of me is a place

For you, and each day I know is new that someday I could be near

You, if missing didn’t cost something then I surely would not be

Talking, but to let go for sometime that surely has not been

Wasted time, love you sis, miss you