Forward Crash

Taking a break for a couple months from this’s my reflection for now..see you in a while//

Plane crash was the

Rehash, grew up with gold wings for

Breakfast, always watched you leave,

In and out she came and she went,

Turbulence for the long haul, now you

Can’t call Saul, for he has been converted,

Come all the murderers, come all the broken,

Love has spoken,

Cracks because of me but good was the way I

Was made from the beginning,

He is a former,

We are the farmer,

We plow for you God,

Plane crash kind of life I am living,

Thought I had stronger wings,

Thought I was raised on how to fly,

Thought this running thing ran in the family..

Now I am an eclipse of a better planet soon to

Come, soon to happen like love’s magnet,

Will you plant new seeds in me?

For the old one’s are dead and lost

And this soil fights being spoiled daily,

I take the challenge,

I face You, I face ME,

Pain cannot let go and you are

The white snow in the future,

Where the heat of Your love will burn

Away the seasons,

For now change is the greatest challenge

We all have

Business Card

It’s a Sunset boulevard kind of hard

The one with the fancy business card

Apostle it should say for this Prophet

To pay to stay—I am wild now in a newer

Kind of way, bus stops daily in this city called

A cavity, called a dearth of ideas and an earth

Of repairs needed—I hoist up this pride for

Lord Stanley to take it from me, nothing in

This life ever seems free—free fall for the

Past days of sunset getaways, to much

Sand to sift through now but I am lost

Never for the wrong reasons, it was once

With the many seasons but better is getting

Bigger for this heart is expanding for You—

Happy is a disease that eats away at us,

Fast cars and tight clothes, the more skin

The more sin to peel back, naked and ashamed

In that garden rain, sin was plain to paste, to

Private to post—where are you now?

I am hiding on Sunset boulevard

I am passing out my starry business

Card—Apostle is me for have I not seen

The Lord? He is risen, He is in heaven but

Is He living in me? Hard is overrated, rather

Impossible is the future—how to love better

Than the past warfare seasons—we have not seen

Anything yet

The best storms are the one’s You create,

Love like an umbrella, better than Coachella is

A sound to come, a new Song to sing, but deep

Is where we got to go, deep into that uncomfortable

Are the blind at our feasts? Or are we to blind to see?

L.A. Love

Slipstream in the middle of

The team huddle, in the middle

Of the football field, trying to

Yield to peace, but I want to win!

Cannot sneeze without Your blessing—

Those basement days of the star wars

Maze, Beastie Boys pounding as

I was hiding, mom never wanted

Dark to come in, I was the story lover,

The fledgling writer since birth,

Pink sheet said why are you unique

I said because there is only one of me—

In Christ all is found including yourself,

Not just your job—free falling playing

In the background, L.A. has some sunspots

On me, its city sinks into me—mission field

Love to yield, now truth to wield—

Someone to love goes the sound on

The Santa Monica Pier, is this the

Voice to hear? Lankershim with some

Roller skates, no more Chinatown

For Gittes and his spilt nose,

No more water hose for the

Grass is gonna dry up soon!

What is this city?

Where there is to much pretty

Where there is to much sun to

Steal, to much to keep real—

Love me in L.A. with some

Citified pride—lights in the night sky

Lights to guide me, one last time

Lies in the cracks

I am new to daily life,

I am new to mundane

An expert at insane,

Sugar addiction,

Love friction,

Lack of fruit for this

Cup I feel is never to


Lies in the cracks,

Lies in the backs that walk

This earth–

Oh God, I have no answers for the futures that

Await me–

Just kids play in the background–

I am weak in every way of the word,

I am on that couch again where you

Sit with me,

A couch family was rarely felt,

Its strips of rips of cloths of colors

Blurred blue now,

Embarased–for I can’t even spell it right,

Never did I like that house we lived in,

It was always shaking,

It was always faking its appearance upon

Me, mountain view behind us,

But heavy rocks upon us—

Where is wrath now?

Upon the world or in

The home? Safety was never

Found, church affairs, no one

Sees your family life, the way you

Use the knife with words to send

Your kids out the door, to tell your

Wife no more saying no to me,

I am the man, submit to me..



Video Replay

Daily is a mystery

Forged in the mundane

Starved out in the rain—puddles of

Pain they passed out then—everything is

A movie played on replay,

I was once the seed,

Crafted before birth to

Carry the berth

Called it purpose before,

Called it wanting to explore

Call it love for more, never settled

Never satisfied—blood that is red,

Pain that is a guide always looking

For the wrong kind—how has one changed?

How does one gage it?

Seed to bread now ready to feed

‘The lips of the righteous feed many,’

The dead give every penny,

Every last mite, every last might,

Every last late night, every last part

Of the oil it takes in the toil it takes

To keep on giving—

This life is like a video played on replay—

Used to be shut in, used to be closed up,

Used to be in the crowd all the time—

But every last drop has been spilt,

Every last bit of You has been poured out—

Alive is the replay of the video mind you have

Given to me—

Shut in no longer, seed no longer,

Now something stronger,

Something of vinegar they gave You

On the edge of my sword I pierced You—

That man that suffered in the flesh

That stayed silent as He was defiant

Against the accusation—

Honor is a hollow tragedy no longer

Filled in with the story of glory You have


Bread is where I am, feeding on love

Instead, vultures are above, the sea is

Below filled in is hollow—

The shut in man has nowhere to run

Just stays on the run—

Facing it, facing the world, facing your life—

That is all it takes sometimes—

Let mercy be on replay

For this video of a life You have

Given me

City With A Weight

City with a weight on it( with a never ending blessing) is from Vampire Weekend’s song Worship You.

Can’t quit,

City with a weight,

City with a never ending story to

Be rewritten,

Overly Zionistic with a lack

Of the crucifix,

Traditional man, praying to the

Saints of old, resurrected the mold

Of the old ways of all who have ever

Said ‘this is the way,’ this is the ‘correct’

Way to pray—wrong maybe, messy always—

Revival haters, God cannot be good if its not in

Order, decent is a recent claim, dead as can be

Inside glories memory,

Can’t quit in understanding,

I can quit the hype, pull it down and

Replace it with life,

Freeway addiction is everyone’s

Nonfiction, traffic lights with the

Eye of the beholder,

Furiously in love with the

Screen’s invitation, bigger

And better Avenger soon to be,

Give way to wrath, ask amiss to be

Thrown in with the bliss of not knowing

Seared in Sears is everyone’s Saturday

Tragedy, John Deere relaxation, outside

Garden is perfect but those roots in you

Don’t go deep,

City with a weight,

Man does hate those plans He has,

Am I the city of the battle Ax?

Am I a worthy weapon,

Worthy is your worthless word

The cross come down,

Can’t look at it,

Can’t love those that don’t

Want it,

Taco Tuesday has abused you,

Freedom ain’t so free if I have

To answer for this mystery—but

Nothing else gives life but You

And the city I live in

Top Ten Most Memorable Movie Experiences, Pt. 1

In light of my last post and mentioning that I am setting aside some time to write some movie and television reviews I think it necessary and mostly for fun to tell some ‘ best of the best’ movie experiences for me. It would be accurate to say that I have seen over a thousand films in the past 6 or 7 years. Maybe in some circumstances that is not something to boast about. I think of in my adolescence that there was more the fear of not seeing something and not having anything to talk about( in terms of movies out). Honestly, the fear of missing out still is sort of part of my decision when it comes to exploring new television shows and movies. In terms of morally, I have not always made the best decisions in terms of what I have allowed my mind to see, but I do feel( at least if you are any kind of writer) that there can be a lot you can find in films if you are looking hard and close enough. Robert McKee in his book Story talks about how the movie experience is an investment for people. Why would people pay money to purposely stare at a black screen for two hours? Or rent a movie for 1.30 at Redbox and risk paying the late fees, or burn through five seasons of a television show in two weeks?

The very optimistic appreciation of the art answer is that there is always something to learn and experience if you are really looking for it. The overly simplistic answer is: people crave and are craving stories.

Stories that probe us and prick us. Stories that are not afraid to tell the truth. Now, yes, there is the entertainment factor and as much as Aristotle in Poetics, says that life cannot be exaggerated, it is usually always getting stretched for us. Essentially we claim to always want something different, or want to see something we have never seen before, but movies pretty much do the same four or five things over and over again and yet we always fall for it and always pay for it, and end up wanting more.

We usually always see some kind of scandal. Scandal that burns bright in front of our minds. Corrupt cop movies. Corrupted business people, leaders of nations and politicians all face threats that most of the time they bring upon themselves. We always see face paced action sequences and crazy fight scenes. And most always we see a love story of some sort. We see sacrifice and people making fool’s of themselves. Yes, even if the reason is just sex, people fight for each other. People lose their vocational positions, money and social status just to have someone they feel they can’t live without. All of these things are  in the shows we watch and in the movies we see. The question then becomes-what do we do with the lessons we learn in the movies? Do we take the lessons from the stories and apply them to our lives? If we look close enough we can see it and we can feel it, and essentially be changed by it.

Movie #10: Godzilla(1998 version)


I remember being officially 12 years old and seeing this film twice in the theaters. My movie friends( and friends too) Brandon and Brad went to this film. The first place we lived as a family in Fort Collins was on rockaway street right next to a movie theater. I spent more time walking over there to see whatever would be playing( of course nothing rated R because I was not 17). It wasn’t so much that Roland Emmerich’s version of Godzilla was so awesome. Ferris Bueller telling everyone that Godzilla is pregnant and blowing up Madison Square Garden is always an interesting twist to the end. I just remember being in awe of the action and the explosions. Maybe it was more exciting because I was only 12.

Movie #9 Planet Of The Apes( the Marky Mark remake) July 2001


The summer of 2001 is where the original title ‘The Ruckus Journal’ began. It was coined in the aftermath of the McCrew’s many adventures. It was the summer where myself, Andy, Isaiah and AJ all worked at McDonald’s. I was the forerunner of the group and the rest followed. AJ’s previous job was at a movie theater in Loveland and so we decided to go there to see this film. I just remember thinking: they better make a sequel. And I also thought that the kiss with the Ape was rather whacky but Lincoln’s face as an Ape, however, was a great way to end the movie. We all know now that ten years later they did do another Planet of The Apes but not with Tim Burton or Marky Mark. Leaving the theater that July night as a 15 year old, I remember AJ ‘s mom telling us ‘its just a movie’ almost to calm us down because our minds were so blown by this film. It was the experience of the film that stood out the most of all the movies we saw that summer.

Movie #8 Spider-Man( May 3,2002)


Most people would say that when you are 16 years old you are a little too old for dressing up, even if it is for your favorite movie. But age did not stop me when Spider-Man came to the theaters. My sophomore years of high school was my last year of ice hockey( I did not know it at the time) and so I was able to borrow the older version of the Spidey costume from Drew on my hockey team. I got the costume and bought the spidey gloves with the silly string shooters( also meant for little kids). I got a lot of laughs at school and especially my math teacher laughed really hard because I came to her class late and told her that I was out saving lives! The time for the movie came and we went to the Loveland movie theater. I remember seeing kids crying because the movie was sold out and I was giving out autographs while we waited in line. The most adrenaline pumped up moment, however, was that we were making so much noise going into the theater that they almost told us to leave. This film was so amazing because I think we all had wanted it for a long time and it was supposed to come out but September 11th happened and they had to re-shoot the end. For sure a pure rush to the head.

Movie #7 Matrix Reloaded( may 2003)


Junior year of Rocky Mountain high school was by far the most stressful year of school and especially the last few months. Somehow I convinced my mom to let me see Matrix Reloaded very late at night knowingly having to get up the next day at 7am. Anyone who is any kind of film critic will probably mention that the first Matrix did something very unique in its slow-mo, fast-mo camera angles. Leading up to the first Matrix many films had tackled action and explosions..especially in the nineties. But the Wachowski brothers did change the game a bit. Reloaded and its freaky crazy highway fight scene and Neo taking on a million Agent Smith’s..favorite parts. One of the best movie theater experiences of that year..for sure.

Movie #6 The Bourne Supremacy( Summer 2004)


I don’t think I appreciated the Bourne movies until years after they came out. The first time I really hung out with Nick Barrett we watched the first Bourne movie. To this day Nick is one my best friends and now we live only 20 minutes from each other. The Bourne movies really redefined not just action but action/drama and action that is driven by characters. What made Jason Bourne such an intriguing character was that it wasn’t so much that he could destroy anyone that came in his path it was that he represented something a lot deeper. Robert Ludlum( the novelist of the Bourne movies) was more showing us the corruption behind the system. The illusion that the government gives to us. That we are to trust the politicians and the CIA to protect us. In the name of keeping things safe they break all the rules in order to keep us thinking that we are fine. Bourne represents the experiment that is done with that illusion to it. It is as if the government leaders need someone to do the dirty work and if that person has a conscious then they won’t get it done. This is what makes it such a good character. Expose the system and destroy the illusion of safety.

That’s all for this first part…

Love In Speculation: For Stories

Love is the ultimate source of inspiration. Love is the centerpiece of human emotions. Love is the center of Christ, it is, in fact, Christ Himself. Love is an attribute which makes it different then just a mere emotion. This post is not a breakdown of love, or a theological post. I love to talk theology, although I feel that’s not my power alley. This is more about love in stories and in film, and why it is important to master the art of telling the love story.

Love is the source of human suffering, or lack thereof, and to not be loved, that is the most deplorable state a person can be in. Not being loved and accepted actually incites the worst of inflictions, the worst of intentions and creates more complexities.

It is very clear in stories what is happening to characters. I use happening and emphasize ING, a gerund, a always moving motion that never seem to stop. Love is constantly the theme. And Love is everywhere. I might use capitals to emphasize.

Love is the desire but is also the problem. First, the story must be about a real element of tension that exists in real people. I have mentioned this before, but what is human is what needs to be mastered. But what creates problems that sell are problems that only a person has to dig inside what real people deal with.

Trust and mistrust are huge devices that regulate problems. Whether you believe a person to be good nature and well intentioned, or a horrible example; you cannot trust anyone. The mob boss crime genre is full of this. Trusting people has a pernicious bite to it and most of the time costs people their lives. I hate this genre because its so despicable but it is true to many corrupt human tendencies.

The action genre is a fairly good example of trust and mistrust and love coming together a little bit. Bourne is tough and a machine but also loves and is weak because he is human. Bourne is a man that can’t be trusted, or appears to be but only because the people he works for are the real crooks who can’t really be trusted.

McClaine’s rough housing ways still come from broken relationships. He probably doesn’t trust anyone and has a bad marriage. The bad guys in movies are all men who can’t be trusted, or women as well.

Love and trust is the first connection. But to talk of love..

Love is what everyone is talking about. Love, recently, in the vow, still could have been more powerful because more opposition could have come this guys way. It was still good but I always want more, and more is what we all always want.

Opposition is the first and foremost step to creating a better love story. In the show Make It Or Break It, that I like so much Lauren Tanner is the one that fascinates me the most. Lauren has a reason for her anger, her sassiness and her beauty like qualities. Lauren was left by her mom when she was a child which also creates complexities in her dad too. They both are afraid of being left alone. Their fear of abandonment is their fuel for acceptance. Now, everyone wants to be accepted but when you change who you are to get it that creates problems. Lauren is fierce but very aware of her gaps and her lacks. She does evil because of some lack of good that wasn’t given to her. She takes everything to far and actually does to others what has happened to her. She abandons those around her so she can really feel loved. Its very twisted but very intriguing because that is what people are capable of doing. I know personally, how much goofy stuff I did in high school for attention. I dressed in a wild animal fur coat. I danced all the time and I was always saying things that crossed the line. I love who I am and I love that I was myself but even so, I still vied for attention because maybe I felt a lack of love from those around me. It has only been God’s love that has changed that.

Love. Opposition. And there is so much more to say on this. This is part one, okay. Cause I want to talk more about this but I dread those long posts that sometimes are worth it but let’s spread it out this week.


Movie Review: Safehouse(2012)

I should be writing this paper for school but I have to blog today. I was going back and forth as whether or not this film is worthy of a review but since I visited the nostalgic Palazzo 16(used to clean the bathrooms there in 06) might as well say a few things.

2 main thoughts: getting tired of Denzel and its not Bourne, so why bother? First, Denzel Washington has had a fantastic versatile career; but, not really? Hate to really shred an Academy Award winner but I am not gonna shred. Denzel has always been one of my favorites. I have seen a lot of his films and some of which are hard to see because of bad content. Book Of Eli to me was his last really good one but the old universalism in the end kind of made me not like it. I saw Unstoppable on my b-day with Zack in 2010. Turning 25 with Chris Pine and Denzel. Always been a fan of fast-camera moving Tony Scott and Mark Bomback as a screen-writer(Die Hard 4, Race To Witch Mountain) but Safehouse was ultra cliche and more of a replicate role then a new character. Denzel since Man On Fire and Deja Vu really has not changed at all. He is always smooth talking with one liners and delivering in that rye tone of sound that makes you believe he is more complex then what he is reading on paper. His complexity is what is compelling but only for so long.

Second thought, The Bourne trilogy can’t be the ultimate example of action films. Obviously, plenty of great action movies have had similar Bourne-eque characteristics. Die Hard came way before and took the ordinary man meets Terminator approach. Man verse the system in James Bond has also existed for decades. But what Bourne does do well in Ludlum’s writing is redefine human and redefine CIA.

Bourne humanizes what is the extension of machine like verse human tenderness. Jason Bourne is not just an amnesia victim he is a man afflicted by the corruption of the system. Between all three films you realize how much of a normal guy he is trying to be and how fallen the CIA really is. It hits that vein of injustice inside of you. It takes the over zealous 9-11 terrorist message into account and how far would we really go, as a country, to protect our own? And in this case, Bourne and the Treadstone project represent that license to kill. Bourne then is victim to compromise but in the process of this trilogy you are for Bourne getting answers not just sweet action shots. So many times action is devoid of characterization. Its movies like SWAT where everything just blows up and you don’t really care about the plot. In all the Die Hard films you sort of care about McClaine but not to much.

Safehouse in a nutshell was great action in a foreign land. Set in South Africa and an attempt to resurrect Ryan Reynolds from that horrid experience of Green Lantern, you get it that he is trying to prove himself to us again. Ryan is okay at his role in this film. He is an okay actor but the plot is overly drab and way to predictable. How many times do we have an inside guy like Tobin Frost(Denzel) get corrupted over money and expose the system he once worked for? Like Bourne but without me really caring to much. Like all the action films with no real substance in the plot line. Eagle Eye and even John Cena in 12 Rounds was more enjoyable.

Trying to capitalize on the title explanation. Essentially, no one is safe because no one can be trusted like Brian Cox in Bourne but really, it doesnt’ develop deep enough for you to get the notion that Tobin Frost can’t be trusted. Sorry guys!

 I am not gonna even do an overview because this movie wasn’t worth breaking down scene by scene. The Vow was more interesting to me. This film had potential but didn’t do much for me. How many times is this going to happen? Probably a lot, which is why Mission Impossible 4 has been the best of this genre in years and why Bourne Legacy will continue to shred all the action films to pieces. And if you are going to cast Denzel maybe ask him to play a different character then what we have been getting for the past five years.

Storytelling: At A Loss

Okay, not to toot my own horn(like who invented this term) but this has been sitting inside of me for a long time. This blog has served many purposes in the past 5 years but recently I have sought to talk about film, both in reviews and also in terms of creating stories. I have always believed that I’ve been a writer. Being a writer however, that takes time and work, so that is why I continue to try and write. In the process of wanting to write I have discovered that film is very real and adaptable to the way that my mind operates in.

I have spent so much time watching movies and it seems like there is no end. There seems to always be some film out there that I have not seen, or that I feel I need to see. But what I do have to offer is what I have learned and seen through the years.

I plan on very soon talking about Story, which is a book that will radically change your perspective and inspire you to write. I read this book when I lived in Orange County. It took me a good six months to read it because its not so much written hard, its just terse and full of much reflection upon the films he mentions. You respond by wanting to write and wanting to watch in a different lens then you had before.

It was in my time in Cali, 09 to April 2010 that I really realized that writing films and writing for film is what I want to pursue for the rest of my life.

So, in writing these movie reflections I am pulling from Story, Screenplay by Syd Field and some Poetics from Aristotle, which is an insanely hard book to read.

In storytelling you are having to use the elements of nature at your disposal. You have to be a tad nit narcissist when you are searching for material. The reason is because everything revolves around the complexities of human nature. What makes humans do what they do? You have to use this philosophical notion to better explain and create a world that people relate to.

Conflict is thus a requirement that is a bomb to your chest. Building and daring others to look and hide at the same time. Exploding at the right time and destroying all who stand in the way. Conflict thus has to be a real scenario that humans would get themselves into. Real people have real problems. Is what some would say. But in order to create conflict you have to use loss and hope as two realities to help you.

I have come to believe that everyone is unhappy and dissatisfied. Everyone is in the “quiet lives of desperation” category. Men are unhealthily happy and cheat on their wives because they were unsure why they got married to begin with. Men are 30 year old teens, with wild libidos that seem to collude their thinking. Men are misrepresented and counted out, losers, irresponsible, dumb, stupid, foolish, have folderol like lives in terms of plot, hate their jobs and are somewhat all like George Constanza. Paranoid and insecure all the time.

As I reviewed in Men To Boys, the male has been in a state of confusion for some time time now. This confusion is because the male cannot find a way to get his life together. Complexities behoove him all the time because there is this layer of desperation deep inside of him. There is a multitude of opportunity with stories if you believe that all are walking with a gimp and limping to make themselves and essentially “prove it!”, man up, already; and, take risks.

Every genre can be represented in loss. Drama has become my favorite and most ambitious genre to write about and watch. Drama has so many options to choose from. But, real fast. Death and mourning as seen in We Bought A Zoo(recently) or The Descendants(also recently). Both have me liking what I see. The beached male expressed in these characters.

Man verse self. This is seen all the time. Characters that are stuck on themselves and seeking to overcome. Into The Wild being one of those man verse nature really, or The Way Back as well. But films like Tender Mercies, where Robert Duvall slowly comes to resolution. Or The Next Three Days where the John character is very ordinary peopleish and a new lens for Russell Crowe. A film where he has to become James Bond but still be a family man, doing all he can do to survive. Conflict is expressed out of injustice and personal vengeance. My Rise of Female Vengeance post had some female mentions but a little too overdone to use as examples.

The ever-so-hard-to-watch Rachel Getting Married as been mentioned before is a series of complexities that really draw it out with the best of em’. This film is hard to watch and one of those probably never again watchers because of the material. Its so deeply intense but very easy to relate to. Perhaps, the most conflict is a person who decides to face their problems with people that you assume(family) will understand you well, but NOT REALLY!

Love is a post in it of itself of worthy mentions. We have all gagged and cried over the Notebook and o, my, gosh Love means you love me even when I forget. Which is why the vow could totally bomb because its the same plot just in the year 2012! And Channing Tatum has never done a real complex character and has done some serious bombers like Fighting and Gi-Joe( but I like the guy!) If I see this film, I will tell no one and it will be a result of a hard day..classic escape!

Love is the ultimate ‘at a loss’ genre because love has to be fought for and earned. If you don’t have gimping around romantics walking around then you have no fighting taking place. I saw Something Borrowed with my mom at CineSuites, so the mac and cheese with chicken was well worth it but I was legitleeey(new word) messed up for a week because of this film. I got into it and it hurt me pretty bad kind of like some real life experience(POEMS>>>>>>>) but this film was a classic complexity all centered around love and truth. Which according to Paul they go together. A classic case of confused wounding going on. And Rachel Griffin or whatever is way cute and makes me want to watch Once just because of her..crush!!!

Man verse the system and action. Drama plays on death and love the most. But action exaggerates the human mainframe, also a post by itself. Action deals more with stretching loyalty and desire under pressure. The truth getting tortured out of someone. Jason Bourne is the classic case in this genre. Bourne takes on being at a loss and fighting through the corruption. Bourne’s tough exterior is because of his tender interior. Sounds poetic and childish but if he didn’t care he wouldn’t be reconciling with the Russian prime minister daughter at the end of Supremacy(04). And he wouldn’t be wanting answers. Does he kill, yes, but out of self-defense, not out of revenge. So bring it Tony Gilroy in Bourne Legacy, could be sweet.

Action is  a hard one to breakdown because it can be very shallow at times. John McClaine is a normal complex guy that just never dies. Has marriage and alcohol problems but at the same time manages to know how to win every time. Action is hard but needs to be mentioned.

I don’t know if I am confusing just talking about films in general because that happens when I write these posts. My point is that there is this quiet desperation in characters that I seem to be seeing all the time that is causing me to wonder if this is intentional or if this is something that I keep noticing but creating characters that are complex in their humanity will make for great memorable characters. The goal is to provoke and teach the audience something.

Original is in the new and something never done before category. It takes work to get inside a new way of writing. So, press in and get Ryan Gosling to play your complex characters because he is really good at that.