Memory Wars

Inspired by my last week of being 29. November 13th is coming soon to a theater near you. As a child my parent’s would ask me, “Where is that movie playing?” I would say, “in theaters everywhere.” Switchfoot songs and especially their last album Fading West has been a source of inspiration. Here’s to the memories we have..good, bad and eternal.

Remembering to often

Waiting for the coffin,

Another nail for the unseen

Hail,

Remembering those words You

Spoke way back when

That red couch was my best friend—

Anger for the stranger, anger before

The manger now I am the manager

Of my own destiny,

Now I am forgetting the nails, the side

Splitting of Your body, a doubting Thomas,

A doubting spill of the dross,

I empty the burnt things,

The new signet rings,

The sealed love of the greatest

Song to sing, one more week before

The twenties end,

One more 30 years to get it right,

To live with waste is as good as

Haste, for I cannot move forward alone—

All or nothing at all is the song I sing,

Slipping away past the memories that

Haunt me, everyone has a fractured father,

A broken mother, a lost brother, a beautiful

Sister—but is heaven really my family,

Are my enemies really actually with me?

All or nothing are these memories,

Remembering feels like a curse,

Tomorrow could be the hearse,

Tonight could be the end—I will

Never know, I will just trust today,

And live with memories that have

Shaped me

Gene Holes

I did say I was taking a break..or so it seems? I can’t get away from writing sometimes. I have been in a season of writing a lot of things down and teaching a bit. Poetry for me really started a few months before I had a mental breakdown back in 2007. Summer was a weekly effort to write something with my friend Kyle and a bunch of other all-night people in Kansas City 🙂 Those were some days..

8 years later here we all are. Kyle is married and I am still writing poetry. A lot of times I hit this wall with creative things. How much do I talk about my deep-seated fears and secrets while trying to make it make sense. This is everyone’s issue but pursuing your story and how God works in your pain..that is a never-ending quest that we are on. This reflection goes to present struggles with how easy it can be to not face yourself and face God. We want to slip away. And my jeans really do have a hole in them, so I am sad about that. That is an inside joke for my friends here in Cali..but genes do matter. When we move forward in life we do realize how much our environment shapes us and also how genetic proclivities can also do the same.

Skinny love on the empty penny

Jean holes again, gene holes again,

Gap in his brain made us all insane,

Been deeper since he left,

Upstairs boxes for the taking,

Munchies for the bowls we built

Around you, for the walls we built

Around you—video ideas for the sunrise,

Up with Your films in my head—

I was on the edge, I was a forest lover,

I was a midnight kind of fruit—

I am a plowing man, I am a brakes

Man, love has moved much to fast now,

Brakes are fixed and these eyes are not—

Vision is a puffed up dream for the same

Sermon on repeat, I am what I am not,

I am the west coast, I am the faded left

Handed kind of dreamer—I am here, I am

Not going to run away—

4am was the used to, everlasting was the

Song that was sang softly, into the dark

Breakfast for dinner, dinner in the middle

Of winter, colder air today for finally cold

Is gone,

Holes in these jeans, holes in these genes

I am slipping, its repeating, backwards into

A younger age, few more days with a few more

Waves, twenties to be over, roaring to turn to

Empty—

Now I build, now I continue, for the city is soon

To come to undo this thing called numb—

Don’t slip away into a place called running—

Suitcase those feelings, pack them away,

Face the life that you have today

Forward Crash

Taking a break for a couple months from this thing..here’s my reflection for now..see you in a while//

Plane crash was the

Rehash, grew up with gold wings for

Breakfast, always watched you leave,

In and out she came and she went,

Turbulence for the long haul, now you

Can’t call Saul, for he has been converted,

Come all the murderers, come all the broken,

Love has spoken,

Cracks because of me but good was the way I

Was made from the beginning,

He is a former,

We are the farmer,

We plow for you God,

Plane crash kind of life I am living,

Thought I had stronger wings,

Thought I was raised on how to fly,

Thought this running thing ran in the family..

Now I am an eclipse of a better planet soon to

Come, soon to happen like love’s magnet,

Will you plant new seeds in me?

For the old one’s are dead and lost

And this soil fights being spoiled daily,

I take the challenge,

I face You, I face ME,

Pain cannot let go and you are

The white snow in the future,

Where the heat of Your love will burn

Away the seasons,

For now change is the greatest challenge

We all have

Change

Up against the tides of change

The endless rearrange for all of my days—

Eyes on the light, on the day when it gets

Set right—blood moons for the onlookers

But where is the real danger?

Shaking cities with bodily entrance and in

It we long to depart,

This tent is up for rent,

Paying what I cannot owe

By this grace we must try to grow

For free is just the invitation—

Fallen souls who used to be young

And naïve and without reprieve—

Now we can barely believe in a good

God instead He hangs over the flames,

He stands in distance while our lives

Live with resistance—

I am hardened daily by the scorching

Winds that burn beneath me—

Life is harder when people see all

Of you, but where would I be if it wasn’t

For community?

I delight in the path,

I run from the wrath you have

Hallowed out, with death being swallowed

In a tepid shout—

I cannot agree just yet with what I

Live by for in me is still an endless

Disease—

But I will press forward in this

Tent you ask of me to display,

For sorrow, for pain, for death,

For all the world to see