Emerald

Labor day means I should rest but I am working away at a ton of things written over the years and because my computer broke back in March I’ve been all over the place in bits and pieces organizing thoughts. I have three big categories: poetry, theology and film. My own personal journaling is in their too..anyhow what I am going to post will get inserted into older dates but until then..

Ah the sunrise

To my surprise I am

Enlightened by its light–

For yellow has chosen me,

Red has followed me,

Green has come around me

An Emerald sound, a mercy

Cloud above me, its to hard to

Say how lovely You are, yet what

I have seen I never want to see anything

Ever again! Come up here and I will show

Me, I will show You, I will have supper with

You, for it shall be last those who are now

Are first,

Its childhood stays with me,

Scared on the top stairwell

Stirring down there

Living scared,

Living scarred

And trying to hard

To escape the present

And to live present–

Here I am, send me

I am unusually kind to

The way you rewind my

Mistakes as if they never

Happened, as if I could never

Ask for more mercy–

Emerald please, all around

Me

Teenager

Older Poem from a couple years ago..

To all the teens that have passed through Kansas City and to all the
teens that skate in my neighborhood, this is for you. The song
‘Teenage Wasteland” by The Who ring real loud. For I don’t want to be
one that wastes that time I have been given and I don’t want to see a
generation wasted away either. Here’s my reflection.
Teenager
Teenage wasteland cries out from
The ground, there are souls all
Around, their skateboards
Hit the ground, their dreams
Hit the clouds, their memories
Are real loud

The teen and the American dream
Hit me in the chest and take me
To the best places

Hope they need, can they succeed,
Kickflipped they live, hardflipped
Over and over by a world that
Forgets living forever, skaters
Jaded, jeans ripped, sun stripped
With the beach in the purview,
With dreams in the rear view,
Goths and punks, smoke
Smelling of skunks, dried
And tried they are, tired of
Corporate lies, the machine
Doesn’t faze them, the world
Does haze them

For misunderstood they walk
For parenthood is the chalk
That chases and draws the
Dead bodies in the cement
Does it ever occur that these
Kids are the future? The change,
The groove, the point to prove
Or have I lived to long in my
Own waste of time and gadgets
And endless sunsets of days
Gone by, have I been to busy
To see the skaters and the haters
That walk by me daily, hopped
Up on their ipods, hopped up
On drugs, have I become just
As needed as them—in need of
The wasteland to end and life
To begin
To the teens of America
Help me understand these
Gaps I live in

Ever Changing Terrain

Down with the roaches

Now I have all these approaches

Lowly on a colt

Lightning in the bolt, I am full of the cult

I sipped it for years—

Are we sick with wondering

Or are we just wandering?

Hopeless romantic,

Feeling pedantic,

The rules have changed

The terrain has shifted

No longer does man choose love or

Choose good or choose anything anymore?

Lovers of self, lovers up on the shelf,

Saving mercy for a rainy day,

A storm to come,

Our love is on numb,

This pain is growing

The gadgets are losing their grip

Its an endless maze of what is next—

Bigger, faster but worse and worse it

Gets—cycles of regret, adulthood is

An ever evolving force–

Its remorse, but really it is not

Its regret but really its apathy

Its pleasure, its endless pleasure

But to what measure? To what end?

To where now can we comprehend?

Its evil all around, its a lie to believe anything else

Its still a choice, I choose heaven, not Hell

Just A Thought On Some Sermons

Their is a common misconception to how we are to present the truth. Most of our approach aims at getting people to do three things: 1. Stop your bad thoughts 2. Say good things over yourself 3.tap into some inner goodness and when you do you will and can treat people better.

I don’t know everything but I do know that many sermons can have these three semi true things in them. It hurts our ears to hear that none is righteous no not one! But freedom comes when we rejoice in the good news because of the bad news. I am awesome in God and also not awesome ever because of my pride and arrogance. Their is no such thing as stopping bad thoughts or simply just conjuring up positive phrases for morning mirror time(though I look in the mirror all the time smile emoticon ) yes and no to all of this. I replace the bad with something true and I speak what is true but part of being a truth lover is realizing both sides of the story. I am royalty and I am also homeless. I am blessed but I also don’t deserve anything God has chosen to give me. I am not special even if my third grade teacher said I was. Jesus is special but not always does it need to be my unique traits have to outweigh who God is.

A little rant for you. The older I get the more I realize what I need and what we need is both sides of this sword called the Gospel. Thoughts?

Mercy List

Inspiration comes from many places. Most of the time it is from a reaction to what is happening around you that goes to a deeper place of what is going on inside of you mixed with some music that plays in your ipod…this is one of those reflections in light of the last few days..(the endless barrage of facebook comments on gay marriage)

Plane Mercy on the runway

Living like a runaway—carried

Away with darkness, at the edge

Of night, with bright eyes for the

Fight, Skinny love for the skinny latte,a

For the drinks you never drink,

For the shots on the jetway,

For the Samsonite of dreams

You carry so closely, endless

Nights of the getaway—the world

Is ready for a change, a change of

Heart—mercy cries out from inside

Of me, blinders for the blunders,

Pain for the miracles we don’t see—

Faith is of little substance to the

Stubborn heart—

Mercy for the start,

O God, mercy for the finish.

Mercy for the bumper sticker

Fish and its Darwin defeat,

Mercy for the politics in the

Name of love, mercy for the

Next president that sleeps in

Arrogance, that blinks with

Weary eyes, mercy for the

Red eyes in me, that want to

Live what I say,

Mercy for the jetway,

This plane is leaving soon

Mercy for the travels soon

To come, for the mission You

Give us

Mercy for the form

Mercy for the form without power

Mercy for the self-righteous parts of

This fight,

Mercy for the marriages on display

Mercy for the kids not yet spoken

For, mercy for the little sister,

Mercy for the boredom,

Mercy for the borders,

Mercy for the edges of Your ways

For where are they recently?

Mercy for the grace I need,

Mercy to try and succeed

Mercy for the love You have

Mercy for the vapid sentences

For the rapid memories of this

Small existence,

Mercy for the colors in the rainbow

For the division in me, for the racist

Slurs beneath my breath, for

The slow giving of second chances

For the debts I collect when love

Has no record of owing anything, no loans,

No recollection of dysfunctions way past

Your bed time, mercy for the bad dreams,

Mercy for the depressed lost in the dark,

Mercy for the spark we call zeal, we call

God willing I die in red, white and blue!

Mercy for this land we call freedom,

Mercy for bleeding abortion,

Mercy for the hemorrhage of

Judgment that seems to be rising

On the inside, mercy for the flames

We call the future, mercy for the Lake

Of Fire, but mercy for Daniel’s fire,

A fiery river of righteous,

Mercy for the way we say it

Mercy for the way we must live it

Mercy for the cracks we have

Caused, for the apples we have

Taken without Your permission,

Mercy for the three day rule of

Speaking things out, mercy for

The thrice days of resurrection

Ways, of dying again to being

The center of attention,

Mercy for the things I say

But more mercy for the

Things I don’t do,

Mercy for the lack of

Follow through, for not

Really following You,

Til death do us part

In sickness and in health

In rainbows or in puddles

Of quicksand, of problems

Just for living on this land

For saying Yes to Christ

No matter the cost,

For seeking the lost

For living for love

Mercy for our lack of

Grace and our zealous

Love for the truth diplayed

In the wrong ways

Mercy for the future

That you hold in the

Palm of Your hands

Father’s Day Thoughts

From my Facebook page:

Sometimes I wonder if pain from parents in our child hood has a dynamic connection to who we are in Christ and where we are going in God. It can be a form of warfare from the enemy. But the key is to honor and be a peacemaker in our relationships. I do believe in generational curses/sin but the way in which the curse gets broken is in one word: change. Change and do what it takes to not follow any form of brokenness that has been passed down to you. All of this starts with gratitude and honor for where you are at today and how much Father’s are apart of our journey.

Some comments from my FB page:

Facebook Discussions: Love and Lawlessness

It seems controversial to say that God’s love is the most important thing we could ever pursue and in just reading Paul we see that we gain nothing, we are nothing and we have nothing without God’s love. However, it is just as controversial to only talk about love apart from the entirety of who God is apart from love but not seperate from love. The book Love Win’s stirred so much confusion yet in essence the title itself is part of the problem. It is not just about God’s love. In regards to Hell it is not just about love. Hell is not for those who didn’t learn how to love. Hell is for those that did not repent. It is for those that did not believe. It is for those that lived in wickedness. I know what many would think in hearing this: this is just what us Christians do..we condemn people and tell everyone they are going to Hell!

Well, yes and no. All I am saying is that God’s love is one part of the story and in its own sort of revolving way the main part of the story. Yet, lawlessness is what causes people’s love to grow cold. A love of pleasure rather then the love of God is what marks the end-time heart posture. We cannot preach love without also preaching repentance. We cannot talk just about loving without also realizing how depraved and wicked we are and can be.

I think the response of the “world” that Christians just condemn other people is probably true a lot of the time but we have to ask ourselves why that is? If we just talk about love with sentiment attached to it then what difference do we make? THe Gospel has all of God and all of God is scary good. Clearly from 1 Cor. 6 and Ephesians 5 love is not really mentioned in those who do not inherit the Kingdom of God. Love and holiness and God’s righteousness all flow together and all work together. It is also interesting to add that John the Baptist didn’t talk about love He talked about repentance for the Kingdom was near’ and the result of his ministry was getting his head chopped off. Thoughts?

Into the Light: behind the scenes of Courageous Minds

This is a making of video for a project with Tri City mental health services here in Pomona where I live. Mostly shows my family and how they have been a huge part in the journey of battling depression. I am so blessed and grateful to them and so many other close friends. To God be the glory!

Facebook Discussions: Living As Lights

Phil. 2:14- 16 “Do everything without grumbling or arguing, 15 so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky.” Here is what I think this verse means. When you are having true community with others and focusing on Christ together not only does not complaining benefit others( also what we call comiserating) BUT now in the place of gratitude with others YOU and WE all now fulfill being lights to a dark and perverse world.

The unceasing accusation( and rightfully so sometimes) from non Christians is that Christians are hypocrites, or that essentially if you guys are supposed to love like Jesus how come I don’t see that when I am around you..you guys just grumble and complain like the rest of us!’

When we follow through with following Christ by honoring authority and doing our jobs with excellence and being faithful to being on time and showing that we care( because of Jesus!) then that in it of itself becomes our greatest witness. So, it is love but love now is reflected in the practical sphere of influence that we have in the “warped and crooked” world. This is an awesome invitation to be like Jesus!

Today’s Reality, Show Me Mercy

Lovesick is the latch that is to attach

To the pain I feel, bus ride in the heat,

Humility over humidity, windy city with a

Never ending skyline, Gospel lover send it

Over, will I die as this Beloved Messenger?

Sex sells all over this God forsaken computer in

Front of me—pleasure is man’s measure to obtain

But wrath stays stored up, I now stay poored up in

The pouring rain, wasting my life in empty rooms

Praying to unseen forces, crying over the tragedy

I call sin’s sickness—this is the condemnation—

I love what I condemn, I love the darkness too,

It is not just them over there—I have wasted away

Too much money on sugar and that Eagle Eyed Cherry

Night, fighting the dawn with you, up late with the English

Patient but I knew it was the desert I had to walk in—like

Salt in the mouth it never seems to end, what now is

Religion anyway? Cause I am a pleasure renegade,

Cause I had those nights too will it seemed good to

Try to slip away, to try to hide away from the conscious

Fainted in the sin but the desire stays the same—love

Will have to proclaim me, but what does God feel?

Test today, failed it last year, one last time to get it

Right but still His face follows the trace of my outline

And an outline I feel, powerless after midnight to get

Anything right, I too am a failure and a fracture of a man

Free fallin plays on repeat for I love those old songs before

Pop music destroyed everything!

Superficial talks are no longer good enough,

Condoms are a bust even when they do not

Bust..yes, kids, as long as its safe? Really,

Hmmmmmmm..I can’t just sit around like

I am stupid because I am not but dumb is

Not in the bible but foolish is—this body bends

All kinds of ways but it will bow before Holy and

True, it will die with desire covered all around,

An imputed sound of a new sheriff in town—

King Jesus here to stay—I am not ready and I will

Not talk to kids like they don’t know what is going on—

Sure I shutter to say the word sex and naked and intercourse

And porn and scorn and shame and human trafficked little girls

And prostitutes that come to my church and tweakers in the

Skyline I call comfortable sunset time—meth addicts with no

Teeth to handle some real pleasure, some real love, some

Real mercy! We are all broken but how poor, how desperate

Are we for God, how much are we willing to give—I don’t

Know but I am pretty sure it is no less then everything