Pressed Down

Pressing down,

Moving around,

Picking towns,

Where we gonna stay?

You were mad in the 

Rain, and mad in 

The day,

Nothing was safe

With you anyway.

Pressed down 

On me,

I’m trying to grow up 

But got you with me

Like it is always.

Why do you still 

Call today,

Do you

Or do you want to 

Fade away?

I’m going for love

But you give me 

War.

Older now and still 

Afraid,

You know that feeling

Cause you never do 

New things,

Is that why you moved away?

Last names pass down,

But you’re not around,

When I walk I look down,

When I talk I got that 

Sound like I’m hungry

And it’s a pain,

Pressing on like we can’t 

Move on,

I hardly let you know,

It’s to hard to let you go,

But no one here calls 

You when it snows,

And what do you want 

Here anyway,

I can’t stand the silence 

And im older but still 

Afraid.

I am up lately asking 

For a new way,

I’m under your sway,

Do you got the plan

For how to be a man?

Cause all you ever did was

Press down on me,

We can’t live now,

Like this,

Like we like it, 

Like you want things to change,

But all these days feel the same

And who’s to blame, 

I’m pressed down and 

Still in your pain. 

A Gap/A Light

This reflection is hitting a lot of things. The Family of The Year song Hero is one, but the issue of not having dads seems to permeate movies and stories and it really never gets old because art reflects the trials of a time period. The past is the past and my own journey of my family is not the only one to have gone through pain with having a lack of something. But, as men, we can be better than what was modeled for us. There comes a point where even saying, “Oh I am messed up now because of how I saw it when I was a kid!” Yes, we can use that mindset to move forward, but we also stop doing that too. At the end of the day God is our Father and is good and if we can focus on that we can be what we maybe don’t think could ever take place internally.

Meeting smoke,
Worship machine,
Cranked up, moved up,
Reverberated sunset days,
Vibration and rhyme of all the
Time that has gone by,
Dad, where were you when
It counted, when I did not
Know how to count for myself,
Stars to tally up, skates to tie,
It seemed a lie to go to church
On Sunday but then to live angry,
To live unhappy, yes we were a family
But a bad one at that,
Movies move me now,
Cause its still lost somehow-
Father alcohol, Father hornet’s
Nest,
Father stirred me, Father broke me,
My generation is backwards from
Never getting forward ,
From never seeing any depth,
Now church seems like a joke,
For spotting a fake is much easier
Then anyone with any kind of message-
My mess has made me the message,
My test now is the testimony–
30 years to come in the cold thumbs
Of November.
We all say we can be sons without dads,
But can we be ever more than that?
I love the sugar of acceptance.
The sweetness of resistance,
The adopted man has nowhere else
To go, he will always have a family,
Your dad, my dad, all of our dads might
Still bend like twigs in the wind of pain,
And in the sound of tribulation–
But I can still be everything I was made
To be, I am not a hero, I am not gonna be
Big on my own–But if I still choose to die
When everyone doesn’t then what I never
Had can become what everyone needs–
A man, a Father, A husband, A lover of the
Light