Fragile World

Fragile world

I just wanted to love you a little bit more.

Year later and we are older,

Year later and we are colder,

Do you still think about me?

Is this pain just sitting here with

Nowhere to go, I sure don’t talk like they do,

Cause I lose a lot of time trying

To look like you,I am fragile and now, I see, These eyes aren’t meant for TV.

I am waiting for those meetings you Make me go to,

I am glad that days ago I saw your

Face and I kept on the coming back

To that familiar place.

Fragile world is the only one that I know

I got deadlines and I got fears I got time to dispense

I got love at your expense But now you won’t see me the same

Now I got to spend all my daysEditing your voice,

Choosing you was always the choice

I still have thoughts, You in a dress, You in yellow,

You next to that pillow

I used to live there to

Now, I am busy,

Now, I am on the air,

Now, I am electronic

And are you still following me?

Some days I sink, Other days I swim,

Some days I think,

Some days I win,

Are you the one in the center of This story, or are you another one

That has left, too.

Fragile worldI share that with you,

I know what you lost and

I can’t relate, I know what its

Like to slip and slide in your Own mind,

I used to dream of burying myself

Deep down, like death, like

Six feet under, its not my time yet,

And I know that now.

Fragile world,

Where’s the sword,

Cause I am still fighting,

Still, fighting for you.

Emerald

Labor day means I should rest but I am working away at a ton of things written over the years and because my computer broke back in March I’ve been all over the place in bits and pieces organizing thoughts. I have three big categories: poetry, theology and film. My own personal journaling is in their too..anyhow what I am going to post will get inserted into older dates but until then..

Ah the sunrise

To my surprise I am

Enlightened by its light–

For yellow has chosen me,

Red has followed me,

Green has come around me

An Emerald sound, a mercy

Cloud above me, its to hard to

Say how lovely You are, yet what

I have seen I never want to see anything

Ever again! Come up here and I will show

Me, I will show You, I will have supper with

You, for it shall be last those who are now

Are first,

Its childhood stays with me,

Scared on the top stairwell

Stirring down there

Living scared,

Living scarred

And trying to hard

To escape the present

And to live present–

Here I am, send me

I am unusually kind to

The way you rewind my

Mistakes as if they never

Happened, as if I could never

Ask for more mercy–

Emerald please, all around

Me

Sermon At My Church

I got to preach last month at our Sunday night service. Got to speak on Righteousness. It has been such a blessing being at New Life in Pomona. I love this place! Thank you Cody, Craig and Billy.

How to Help your Kids with Depression

My mom has helped me so much over the years be more than just a default I need your help parent but has been my rock and my friend. Just like the into the light video this is the start of a series of videos tackling depression. My mom talks about what a parent can do. Filmed where it all went down in Laguna Niguel at Salt Creek beach.

Awake Now

Some reflections on past experiences with depression.
My hope is found in Christ coming again.

Awake now
Alive now
Dead yesterday
Dead in the doorway
Between light and dark,
Held it to my head, the pencil
With led, the fingerprints of
Pain, the blueprints of my future,
Depression is a suppression, joy
Is a revolution inside of me,
One more night, five months of
Hallway pacing, of happy making,
Of gratitude on the plate, a daily love
You, a daily thank you, no more pity
In this city, for Disney dreams rarely
Comfort me, fireworks nightly, coffee
In the morning, life in mourning, shall
The hunger ever stop? Shall the poverty
Ever bring clarity, or shall it just kill me?
I’d rather be dead and poor, then alive and
Deceived and relieved by the freeway, by
The interstate, the man’s somber state,
Division is near, fear is near, the sword is
Out of His mouth, the blood on the battlefield,
Israel to lead, nations to deceive, the devil to
Upheave, death on the shelf, love on display,
All deserve to burn, but the ark is near, He is
The one to fear—come near Lord and change
Dark to light, come to us in this American
Comfort

Black And Light

To those who struggle with the mind. Grace and mercy to you!

All I see is black
All I have is lack,
All I hear is the shadow
And the echo that follows
Me, attempts at you,
Attempts to get to you,
Seek me, find me, you
Would say, but I saw you
That day—white hallways
Called out to me, broken
Break room in front of me,
Hot tea, sugar, spice and sweet—
I delete the days of happiness
For you saw it and I lived it—
Dark sinks deep, light is a war
I was done fighting then—you
Had me in—life is to hard to
Call easy—trees breezy,
Make me a man that is
A man for you—depressed
Men call for truth, call for
Light, for the church to shine
Bright—weak limbs surround
Me but they are apart of this
Body—I choose them, I seek
Them—love is the war on
Weakness—shine in me
Lord—let light reign in
High octane of black
And bruised and abused
Voices that live in this
Broken mind

Black And Light

To the mentally ill and all those who struggle.

All I see is black
All I have is lack,
All I hear is the shadow
And the echo that follows
Me, attempts at you,
Attempts to get to you,
Seek me, find me, you
Would say, but I saw you
That day—white hallways
Called out to me, broken
Break room in front of me,
Hot tea, sugar, spice and sweet—
I delete the days of happiness
For you saw it and I lived it—
Dark sinks deep, light is a war
I was done fighting then—you
Had me in—life is to hard to
Call easy—trees breezy,
Make me a man that is
A man for you—depressed
Men call for truth, call for
Light, for the church to shine
Bright—weak limbs surround
Me but they are apart of this
Body—I choose them, I seek
Them—love is the war on
Weakness—shine in me
Lord—let light reign in
High octane of black
And bruised and abused
Voices that live in this
Broken mind