White Walls

Are you alone when you’re home,

Pacing hallways looking 

For payphones,

Quarters for smokes

Are we home yet?

Is this a little piece of 

Forever,

I can barely see the 

Future,

Are you living in this 

Water, all you do 

Is the work,

Will this really work,

This thing called love.

Are you over this place yet,

Is your bed on the empty

Since I’ve lost my mind,

Are you still lovely 

Without me,

Is this place costly,

Can I leave for free?

Are you still alone 

When you’re home,

You don’t know the 

Phone like I do,

Can I call to know 

Your voice?

This place is running 

On empty,

White walls with white 

Halls and no one knows 

My name,

Who’s to blame?

Can’t explain to you

The pain of wandering

Or the loss with no 

Memory,

Giving pills,

Losing thrills,

Lost your chills,

Where do we go from 

Here,

Are you fear,

Can you be here?

Alone at home,

Without you here,

Away from that place

Where we used to pace.

Feel It Again

Feel it coming again,
That love again, that
Backwind again, back against
You all my life, dark a spark never
Lit, at the edge of the cigarette,
Passed it by the nurses, let it out
In the daylight, watched fireworks
At night, paced like a monster chasing
His shadow, now the meadow fails me,
For I once ran in it, I once sat in it,
I once preferred the darkness, preferred
The snow mounds and my breath seen
By the Kansas wind, I liked the hiding place,
The secret space, the endless revisions of
Those entertainment decisions,
Feel it coming again,
That love again,
Who I was and now who I am,
What she has done, what she has
Left, what the sun did to us, did to
It, on the sand I didn’t understand
How to be a better man, now
A King sits and sets Himself over
My life, just want acceptance,
Just want no resistance, just want
An easy way out sometimes,
Pain is man’s horse he rides
Upon, women fear child rearing,
Birth pangs to take a hold of them,
They seduce and give out secrets,
Can’t hold it in is there greatest sin,
Men, we fail to wage war, get lost
In the video world, false love, false
War, a violent display of bodies
Loving each other, just with no love—
War on porn, war on torn, war on the
Scorn men carry that cause them
To bury it—inside is what He is
After, inside the chaos I have created,
The sleepless cigarette club,
That talked to me daily,
Early they did wake,
Early did I make the mistake—
I gave all my secrets away—
Now find me again, God,
Waiting to learn to love again